Eight tips for handling conflicts with remote colleagues

It’s frustrating and painful to fight with a colleague when you’re not in the same office or time zone. Here are a few things to think about and do differently when tension is brewing with a co-worker who is based miles away:

1. Try to give your colleague the benefit of the doubt. Because you're not sitting in the same building, it's easy to make assumptions about how your colleague feels or why he is acting the way he is. Instead of thinking the worst about your colleague, ask yourself what else could be going on.

2. Move the conversation away from email. If you're arguing via email, stop. Pick up the phone and call your colleague, or schedule a time to do a Skype video call.

3. Focus on what you have in common. When you're talking with your colleague, you can talk about how you're both parents of young children, how you went to the same college or about your shared commitment to the job.

4. See the other side. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and imagine what she's experiencing. Why might she be upset? What about this situation is frustrating to her?

5. Consider cultural differences. Language barriers and cultural differences can exacerbate the conflict. If you're not sure how to translate their behavior, find someone who can advise you, a colleague in the same office or from the same culture.

6. Bring in someone else if necessary. If you're not able to solve the issue between the two of you, you may need to ask someone else to intervene.

7. Use the fight to strengthen your relationship. Solving a conflict with a colleague provides shared experience. You want disagreements to become water under the bridge, but it's helpful to talk about them as well.

8. Increase informal communication. Take advantage of opportunities for informal interactions. Keep your instant messenger open to share personal snippets or jokes throughout the day. Take virtual breaks together, chatting on the phone while you both sip tea.

(Adapted from Resolve a Fight with a Remote Colleague at HBR.org.)

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