Cat and mouse expenses game

RADIO REVIEW:SOME DAYS you are either in the mood for a bit of Ronan Collins action (RTÉ Radio 1, weekdays) or you are not. On Monday most people woke up to news of the Israeli troop attack on the Turkish-backed aid flotilla to Gaza. In this best and worst of all possible worlds, Collins's music hour couldn't have come a moment too soon. This week he celebrated 25 years with RTÉ Radio 1. A silver anniversary for a silver fox, appropriately enough.

Collins is a kind of Everyman who appears to lack a big ego. "While today is the 31st birthday of Radio 2, now 2FM, it's also my anniversary of finishing on Radio 2," he said. "That happened on May 31st, 1985. I was finally found out!" By noon, when he comes on air, you might be thinking about lunch or taking a cigarette break. It's that midmorning no-man's-land where you ponder the world or simply loll about. Collins played Voulez Vousby Abba, and I'm sure at least some listeners took to their kitchen floor to dance. Happy 25th, Mr Collins.

If any presenter lasts that long on Newstalk, it will be a small wonder. Rather than build and consolidate the brands of its broadcasters, as it has done with George Hook, Newstalk has lost yet another big name. Eamon Keane, the sharp-tongued, floppy-haired terrier who made Lunchtime (weekdays) snap, crackle and pop, has jumped ship. Daire O’Brien was doing the honours this week, but he didn’t have Keane’s edge, though that’s a lot to expect so soon after his departure.

Newstalk changes its presenters more times than Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat changes its cast. In recent years the delightful Orla Barry has been moved to weekends and Brenda Power's show, an uneasy mix of The FM104 Phoneshow with Adrian Kennedy and Liveline, has been axed. The Breakfast Showhas seen David McWilliams, Eamon Dunphy and Ger Gilroy come and go. The time has come for Newstalk to pick presenters . . . and stick with them. In radio, as in life, familiarity and possession are nine-tenths of the law. There is no small amount of head-the-balls in RTÉ as evidence of that.

John Murray, happily, is not one of them. On Tuesday's Morning Ireland(RTÉ Radio 1, weekdays) he interviewed the Fianna Fáil TD Mattie McGrath about politicians' expenses being open to the public online. Their exchange sounded more like political satire than real life.

“By the way,” Murray asked, although there was nothing “by the way” about it, “what figures will we see from you today for the last couple of months?” There followed a game of cat and mouse. McGrath said he had a full attendance record. “I also have a full voting record. So I welcome the publication. It stops the intrigue, really. It’s now full and open transparency, and I believe that’s the way it should be.” He sounded satisfied, like he had just answered an exam question.

“And what expenses, as I said, will there be for you for the last few months?” Murray asked again. “Well,” McGrath replied, “I haven’t checked mine for the last couple of months, but, as I said, with the new bands there’s a different band rate for different constituencies.” And on he went.

Murray tried again: “So is it a few hundred euro or a few grand?”

“A few grand,” McGrath finally said, conveniently picking up his interviewer’s casual parlance. “But expenses cover everything to run our office, to do all our PR, to do all our publications, to do travel.” As it turned out “a few grand” added up to a healthy €4,951.84 in March and exactly the same again in April – not far behind the Fine Gael TD PJ Sheehan’s €10,591.68 for the two months, which topped the list.

McGrath then said the role of the Oireachtas Commission – which he referred to as a “super-quango” – should be examined. He said it was an unaccountable body, with no feedback or consultation, and a “them and us” attitude. He further cited “the whole cost of printing things, the cost of PR people”. Not unlike those costs in his constituency office, by his own account.

Speaking of accountability and transparency, Colman O’Sullivan did a vox pop about financial terms later in the programme to see if people understood them. He asked one Dubliner to define recapitalisation. “Trying to pull the rabbit out of the hat twice,” the man replied. Short selling? “Trying to take the money out of me pocket twice.” Naked short selling? “You want to take the money out of me pocket again?”

As that other philosopher and Everyman Homer Simpson once said, it’s funny because it’s true.