TV & Radio

Parks and recreation: dino reboots

With Jurassic World earning gazillions, a sequel or three can’t be far away: here are our plot pitches

Una Mullally's face
Una Mullally
Thu Jun 18 2015 - 10:00

Jurassic World became the first film to bring in $500 million in an opening weekend, and considering most blockbusters these days are sequels or superheroes repackaged in new scenarios (All Of The Avengers Again! Three Batmen and a Superbaby), a sequel for this dino-franchise feels inevitable. But how credible could this be? Suspending our disbelief when it comes to genetically modified dinosaurs as a family day out is one thing. But hardnosed businessmen investing in yet another dinosaur theme park? That’s just downright reckless. With that in mind, here are some potential Jurassic World sequel pitches.

Jurassic Underworld: Dinos invade the Electric Daisy Carnival in this EDM-themed young adult film starring Diplo.

Jurassic Girl: Female co-stars remove their heels in a feminist reimagining of the franchise, as they team up with female T-Rexes to dismantle the park/ patriarchy. With Rooney Mara.

Jurassic Abyss: James Cameron steps in for a sequel set underwater exploring the aqua-based prehistoric beasts in 3D. (This is actually a good idea, call Universal.)

READ MORE

Jurassic Sparks: The seminal idiosyncratic 1970s band pen a surreal musical starring Giorgio Moroder as the mysterious park owner who just wants to dance. Or kill. We're not sure yet.

Jurassic Nicholas Sparks: Dinosaurs develop the ability to write with their tiny claws and take the opportunity to pen gushing love letters to each other while overhead a tragic, fiery comet closes in. Doomed dino love never seemed so nauseating.

Jurassic 2022: The World Cup moves from Qatar to the more hospitable setting of a dinosaur theme park.

Jurassic Planet: Astronaut Jason Statham heads up Nasa's Advanced Exploration Programme only to discover that the mysterious signs of life found in the planet he is in charge of colonising are in fact space dinosaurs slowly reemerging from the suspended animation of their icy prisons.

Jurassic Rock: Just The Rock punching dinosaurs in the face for two hours. Projected opening weekend earnings: $700 million.