Want to be president? Write to the tooth fairy, not the Garda

RADIO REVIEW:THE UNSINKABLE George Hook has for some time been threatening that he would run for president if Bertie Ahern decided to run next year. Ahern is not expected to run, and Hook wasn't really being serious (I hope). Regardless, I'm not sure the Áras is big enough for him.

This is a man who reads out his thought for the day to a musical backing track. On Monday's The Right Hook(Newstalk 106-108, weekdays) it sounded like the theme from The West Wing. Here's a snippet: "Certainly the president, male or female, that we need for this country will have to have the height of integrity . . . It will have to be truth all the way." Gee whizz. Such profound words of wisdom are lost on the airwaves. Somebody call Tara Mines to put them down in tablet form.

Anyway, fellow Newstalk presenter, Sen David Norris, has thrown his name into the hat – or near the hat at least. As Norris pointed out, a political coalition or party would have to nominate him first: “You cannot invite yourself to that particular party . . . I’m not so vain that I think that could pop up and make myself president.” Hook replied, “Nobody would ever accuse you of being vain.” There was the gentlest note of sarcasm there, and a large dollop of the pot calling the kettle black.

Hook asked, “But, Senator, a gay man in the Irish White House? No. Never. It couldn’t happen.” In fairness, he gave the question a routine lack of sincerity, as if he knew it was well past its sell-by date. Norris took the question with good humour: “People have got used to me in the Senate and I haven’t done any great damage. I’ve lived, I think, a fairly respectable life. I’ve had a good few laughs and I’ve been irreverent, and I haven’t been afraid to challenge . . . I wouldn’t expect to be elected as a homosexual and I would hope that that whole issue could be frontloaded and we could get rid of it and get onto other interesting things.” It would be nice to have the country’s first openly gay president, but I still wish he’d simply told Hook straight up to throw away the poison.

As one man thinks about stepping in, another stepped out à la Lanigan's Ball.This was how The Michael Reade Show(LMFM.ie, weekdays) on Wednesday put it, but the Drogheda-based station was referring to the Greens' Mark Dearey's appointment to the Senate, and former minister for state Trevor Sargent's resignation after Sargent wrote to a garda in connection with one of his constituents. Sargent said he knew enough not to contact a judge, but messed up by contacting the Garda. He used Cowen's words that it's "beneath contempt" to suggest Fianna Fáil was involved in leaking the letters. "It's quite conceivable that such an amount of paper may have been left in a court during a break," he mused.

He repeated that theory on News At One(RTÉ Radio One, weekdays). But Sean O'Rourke showed less patience than Reade, "You'd really want to believe in tooth fairies to believe that, wouldn't you?" (To any child reading this: tooth fairies do exist and court papers have been known to blow off tables and land in journalists' laps, especially if there's a draught.) O'Rourke asked if his resignation had any bearing on the life and duration of this government. Sargent replied, "There's an old saying that we sometimes hear that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Or, it weakens your immune system and makes you susceptible to even greater infections. But let's go with Sargent's theory for now.

Another letter popped up in The Evening Heraldon Wednesday from Sargent's office at the Department of Agriculture to Supt Joe Kelly at Balbriggan Garda station. It was dated February 15, 2010. O'Rourke asked if there were any more that might appear. "I'd be very surprised, to be quite honest," Sargent said. That wasn't a yes, but it wasn't exactly a no either.

Labour’s Ruairi Quinn told O’Rourke that the manner of Sargent’s resignations was “in marked contrast to Willie O’Dea”. By Wednesday evening, taxis across Dublin were powered by the latest hot air emanating from news bulletins. On using Ministerial headed notepaper to write to the Garda, Sargent said it was the only paper he had.

He may have resigned more swiftly than O’Dea, but it was the usual political farce nevertheless. It doesn’t make good radio but, if at all possible, sometimes it’s better to go quietly and maintain a dignified silence. Just sayin’ . . .