The men's perspective Single, male and over 50

The 2011 census shows that 90 per cent of married men in their early 50s were reported to be in “good” or “very good” health, but among single men of a similar age the percentage was 10 points lower: 80 per cent. The difference in health between single and married women in the same age group was just six points. Single men tend to have poorer health than single women and married men.

Counsellor Mary Kenny says there are many reasons that men often don’t do as well by themselves. She recalls a recent case. “He was very unhappy. His marriage broke up and he was still living in the same house as he couldn’t afford to move out. He hadn’t washed in several days, was wearing an old jersey and had no clue about personal hygiene.

“He spent a lot of time giving out about his ex-wife, and you do find that men in their 50s can tend to go into victim mode.”

Kenny believes that as men get older they can focus on things such as their declining looks, a lack of excitement in their work, or declining fertility. This can lead to anxiety or depression.

“Sometimes, men of that age reflect on their life and if they feel they haven’t achieved what they set out to achieve, it can put a huge amount of pressure on them.”

Dr Chris Luke, emergency medical consultant in Mercy University Hospital and Cork University Hospital, says that in his experience men in particular do not cope well with singlehood. “We are seeing more men in recent years living on their own who turn down or off the heating. One of the main injuries we see is when someone falls and ends up spending the night on a cold floor. They are then brought into us suffering from hypothermia. Single men are much more vulnerable to accidental death, particularly if there isn’t another person in the house,” he says.

“Many of them will fall into bad habits around alcohol and neglect of their appearance,” he says.

Of course, it’s not hopeless, and many single men look after themselves perfectly well. Mary Kenny says she also encounters men “who, when they deal with some of the issues that have been troubling them, it is a new start in life”. But “if they don’t get help, they often end up in worse relationships than ones they may have left”.

‘The complexity is my lifestyle’ Photographer and musician Christy McNamara (54), spends his time between his home in Spancilhill, Co Clare and New York. He separated from his partner last year and has no children. “I have always had girlfriends and have been in long-term relationships,” he says. “I have never found it a problem being single. A lot of my family have children. It has never been an issue for me, as I would never have felt marginalised because I was a single man.”

McNamara says that in New York people move on from relationships faster than in Ireland. “People go through divorces in the US and they dust themselves off . . . The perception of being single is not a big deal in the US.”

That’s not to say that being single is an ideal, and McNamara remains open to the prospect of meeting someone. Travelling between Ireland and the US can be all-encompassing. “I realise the complexity is my lifestyle and I don’t have the same structure as someone who works nine to five. The worse thing you can do, though, is become bitter and resentful and lose faith in love. Ultimately, I think we all need somebody in our lives. If we are honest, nobody wants to go home to an empty house or eat his or her dinner alone.”

Don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself

Tony Kenny (72) is a retired research officer with

Teagasc. “I have been living on my own since the mid 1990s. I was separated from my wife in the 1980s and haven’t had any other relationships since then.

“I have four grown-up children, two who live in Copenhagen with partners and children, one in Sicily with a partner and child, and a daughter here.

“I go to Copenhagen and Sicily to see them at least once a year and they come home. I’m very attached to them all and like all grandfathers I would like more contact with them. I am from Roscommon and I live by the sea in north Co Dublin. Although I went to boarding school at the age of 12, I still have siblings and close connections in Co Roscommon.

“I played intercounty GAA for Roscommon and I stay in contact with ex-players and help to organise fund raising activities for the Roscommon GAA Supporters Club in Dublin.”

Kenny explains how he missed both the social and professional contact with colleagues when he first retired in 2008.

“I soon found that I had more time to develop existing interests – I play golf once or twice a week, I play soccer every Sunday morning, I run on the strand a few times a week. I volunteer for the Irish Cancer Society and I help out in the local Arch Club, a social organisation for people with disabilities.”

He says that all these activities have mental, physical and social benefits.

“I’ve always been lucky to have good health and be physically active. I’m conscious of keeping the brain active, too. I go to the theatre and I keep up my scientific interests by going to lectures in the RDS.

“I probably do find it lonely at times but who doesn’t have pangs of loneliness even when they are living with someone else.” Kenny says that he might feel more lonely as he gets older but that he doesn’t sit around feeling sorry for himself.