'You can't restrict people from having children. Ireland was better for having a family'

Zhanming Cui's parents arrived in Ireland a fortnight before his daughter was born. They spoke no English and had never left China before but were determined to make the journey to Europe to welcome their first grandchild into the world.

Cui’s parents came to Ireland on the regular 90-day tourist visa which meant they were forced to leave the country right before baby Eachna’s 100-day celebration.

“It’s a special Chinese celebration and has huge cultural significance,” explains Cui. “My mum cared most about it, my parents are very traditional. For me and my wife, we didn’t care as much but we did want to go to the photographer to get a photo.”

When he was gathering the paperwork for his parents’ visas to Ireland, Cui contacted the immigration authorities in the hopes that they could extend his parents visas slightly longer if he explained it was for the birth of his first child. The answer was no.

“I can understand that 90 days is definitely long enough for tourists. But for families it’s too short. Even in the UK, families are allowed six months, that’s more sensible. My parents have their retirement pensions, they don’t have any reason to stay here. This life wouldn’t suit them. They just want to have more time with their grandchildren.”

Cui’s parents were very supportive when he announced he had decided to move to Ireland to study a masters in computer science at UCD. “Chinese parents always want their kids to study abroad and push them to do better. But they did not expect that I would stay here for so long.”

Worked as farmers

He grew up in the countryside of the eastern coastal Shandong province where his parents worked as farmers. An only child, he often longed for the company of other children and remembers locking the door when neighbours came over to play to try and convince them to stay in his house.

“I always felt lonely. All the friends around us had brothers and sisters but I just played with the neighbours.”

Cui says his parents were “too honest” and followed the rules of the one-child policy to ensure they would not have to pay the fine for having a second child. Despite the government’s restrictions, many of Cui’s friends came from families of two or three children.

“For the Chinese government the one-child policy was a good idea but for us, the families, you can’t restrict people from having children.”

After studying financial management at university, Cui moved to Beijing to work as a software engineer. Cui hated living in a city of more than 21 million people and longed for the open fields and fresh air of his childhood. After three years in the capital, it was time to leave. Having studied English at school, he researched masters programmes in Anglophone nations and eventually settled on a course at UCD. In January 2011 he arrived in Ireland.

While working in Beijing, Cui met his now wife Xia. The couple were married shortly before he left for Ireland and they arranged she would visit once he had settled into his new home. In March 2012, Xia arrived in Ireland on a three-month tourist visa. By May, she had decided she didn’t want to leave her husband and remained in Ireland illegally until the following year when Cui successfully applied for a work permit which would allow them both to stay. In 2014 their daughter Eachna was born.

Fluent mandarin

“Coming here was better for having a family. I’m working which means I can get child benefits and also during the pregnancy it was free in public hospitals. In China you have to pay for everything in the hospital.”

The couple are eager for their daughter to speak fluent mandarin and never speak English in the home. They know once she begins preschool next September she will pick up the language quickly. Cui also tries to mix with people from different nationalities and not fall into the trap of only spending time with Chinese friends.

“My wife brings my daughter to the local library or the shopping centre where they can meet people. We don’t want to just live with Chinese people, we want to meet other people, more Irish.”

Last year the couple and their daughter travelled to China to celebrate the Chinese New Year with Cui’s parents. During the festivities, which run from late January to early February, families from across China gather together to eat food and celebrate the arrival of a new year.

This year’s festivities will be interrupted by the arrival of a new family member on the scene. At the time of writing, Xia is one week away from giving birth to her son and Cui’s parents have once again made the trip to Ireland to help out with the first few weeks of having a new baby at home.

Gruelling process

In order to come to Ireland a second time, his parents once again had to endure the gruelling process of flying from their home province to Beijing to visit the Irish Embassy while sorting through piles of paperwork to apply for visas. As before, they are only entitled to stay three months and once again will miss their grandson's 100-day celebration.

Cui is happy to see his children growing up in Ireland. “I would prefer them to study and grow up here because in China the competition is much tougher. Everything is more competitive just because the population is huge.”

However, he is becoming increasingly unhappy about living so far away from his parents who have no family nearby. “My parents have no kids around them and they feel alone.”

In a few years’ time, once his children have settled into school, Cui is considering returning to China for a few months to spend time with his parents. “I don’t have to be in my hometown but at least I should be in China I can visit more often. As my parents get older I should be close by.”