Go Ireland: Nappies? Check. Bibs? Check. Kevin Courtneytakes his family for a break in the second city
SOMETIMES IT'S GOOD to get out of your own city and spend a weekend in someone else's. For three stressed-out Dubs (demented Dad, manic Mum, busy Baby) a visit to Cork could be just what the travel doc ordered - or a complete nightmare.
It's one thing scooting off with just your spouse for a Leeside love-in, but when you've got a 15-month-old toddler in tow romance goes a bit farther down on the checklist, somewhere below nappies and bibs.
This trip to Cork will have to be a military operation, executed with pinpoint precision and requiring us to rally all our forces. Not only will we have to pack all the baby's gear, including vests, PJs, toys and Calpol, but we'll also have to find ways of keeping him amused over the weekend (and that doesn't mean bringing him to City Limits Comedy Club, on Coburg Street).
We'll also have to mind our Ps and Qs. After all, we're only blow-ins from Dublin seeking tourist status. If the natives prove hostile we may have to engineer a hasty retreat, which can be a bit awkward when you're hauling a large buggy.
Still, we have a secret weapon that is sure to see us through any diplomatic incident or potential Cork-Dub conflict: our little fella's smile, which can stop an army in mid-charge. When we unleash that we can pretty much count on an unconditional surrender.
As we're going to be spending most of our time in and around the city centre, we won't really need the car, so we've opted to take the train. That way the little fella won't be cooped up in his car seat for three hours or more but will be able to run up and down the carriages to his little heart's content. (His dad also has to run up and down the carriages to keep an eye on him; by the end of the two and a half hour journey it's not only the baby who needs a nap.)
We're staying at the Clarion Hotel, on Lapp's Quay, which proves an ideal base of operations thanks to its child-friendly facilities, its proximity to Cork's shopping streets, and the giant golden papier-mache balls hanging from its tall atrium, which are an endless source of fascination for the little fella. Anytime he starts crying we just point these out to him and the tears stop mid-cheek as he stares up in wonderment.
The Clarion also has a not-too-shoddy penthouse, a vast split-level suite with a panoramic view of Cork city. The US rap star Kanye West was a recent guest - the penthouse could comfortably accommodate his entire posse.
Our posse has to settle for a superior bedroom, but there are no complaints from the small one - he's got a cot, a free cuddly bear and, of course, the giant balls to keep him happy. The Clarion Kids programme is designed to keep younger guests entertained and give their parents a break; it includes a DVD player for hire, use of the swimming pool, a children's library and a babysitting service.
Cultural attractions are all fine and dandy, but sometimes there's no better way to get to know a city than by just strolling around and taking in the ambience.
And Cork is brimming with ambience. Walking across one of the city's 22 public bridges (including the famous shaky bridge at Fitzgerald Park), you're never too far from the lulling sound of the river and the lilting sound of the locals in conversation. It's Saturday afternoon, and Cork's narrow streets are chocka with shoppers - the perfect time to march the buggy into the crowded thoroughfares and see how far we can get before we cause pedestrian gridlock.
The English Market is particularly packed this afternoon, as shoppers forage for their scallops, free-range chickens, exotic foods and country-style breads. The English Market was so called because traders once had to swear allegiance to the British crown if they wanted a stall; those who refused had to try their luck at the more downmarket market at Coal Quay. The Coal Quay outdoor market is still running, but the black shawls traditionally worn by the women stallholders have long gone out of vogue.
Food isn't the only thing on the menu at the English Market. There are also a few very interesting arts and crafts shops - we'd like to tell you about the amazing glass designs at Turner's, which have been created in Ireland's largest kiln, but we want to keep this iridescent gem all to ourselves. The very popular Farmgate restaurant overlooks the market's central fountain, and it uses only ingredients available from the stalls below, but if you want to get a table there during peak shopping hours, you may have to wait in line. We decided to wait until Monday, when it might be less crowded.
It's Saturday night, the baby's settled, the babysitter's in situ and we are heading out to meet some friends at Jacobs on the Mall, a converted 17th-century Turkish bath house that has become one of Cork's most popular and prestigious restaurants. Try and get one of the booths - perfect for an intimate dinner à deux. Or quatre.
Our weekend in the city coincides with Cork Film Festival, and we keep bumping into film types who all have their own take on the city. The week after it's Guinness Jazz Festival, and Cork will be as crowded as a scene from The Lord of the Rings for this internationally famous weekend.
It's raining heavily on Sunday morning, so we may have to postpone our planned trip to Fota Wildlife Park. We won't even be able to stroll around the city, but fear not: the Cork City Tour will bring us to all the big attractions and get us back home and dry to our hotel.
The open-topped bus takes us past St Fin Barre's Cathedral, where the city is said to have been founded, and up the hill to the Church of St Anne Shandon, where you can climb the tower and ring the bells of Shandon just like a real campanologist. The tower has four clocks, none of whose times tally, hence the nickname the Four-faced Liar. Next to the church stands Cork Butter Museum, which tells the story of how the city became the butter capital of the world.
The tour takes you on to Cork City Gaol, an imposing 19th-century structure that, shockingly, is still filled with prisoners. Okay, the current inmates are actually wax figures, but the prison is furnished as it was in the dark old days. It might be too scary for very small children, but it should appeal to most older kids' sense of the macabre.
We also passed the grand old houses where many of the city's 17th- and 18th-century merchant princes would have set up home, their vast back gardens rolling down towards the city below.
Monday morning dawns a little milder, so we take our chances and head for the wilds of Fota. Usually, a train from Kent Station gets you there in 12 minutes, but the line is being upgraded. A bus runs from the station in the meantime, for €4 return. It's well worth the trip, especially if you have kids.
Fota is not some jumped-up zoo; it's a carefully laid-out habitat containing a carefully blended mix of species. Don't come here looking for elephants, hippos, polar bears, gorillas or the inmates of your typical city zoo - but do expect to encounter scimitar-horned oryx, black and white colobus monkeys, white-handed gibbons, ring-tailed lemurs, Brazilian tapirs and helmeted guineafowl.
Many of these animals range freely, so it's not unusual to have your path blocked by eastern grey kangaroos or maras, which are like giant guinea pigs with the body forms of hares. The cheetahs are corralled in secure runs, naturally, but the giraffes happily gallop about the place - a very impressive sight from up close. The animals here are well adapted to the Cork climate, and Fota is committed to breeding endangered species.
You'll need a good two hours to walk the length and breadth of Fota, but it's probably one of the most interesting walks you'll take, with a fascinating creature to be seen around every bend.
Back in Cork city our wildlife expedition has given us quite an appetite. It's just after the lunchtime rush, and Farmgate Cafe has a table for us, right beside the piano. Opened in 1994 by sisters Marog O'Brien and Kay Harte, Farmgate specialises in a blend of traditional and modern Irish cooking. If you fancy some corned mutton or tripe and drisheen, this is the place to go. They also serve oysters freshly scooped from the market stall downstairs, and some pretty tasty fish pie. There's even a small library of children's books to keep the little ones occupied while you take in the atmosphere.
As we tuck into our lunches an elderly, dapper gentleman sits down at the piano and gracefully tinkles out some old tunes. This is Donal Casey, the cafe's resident pianist, whose playing adds a touch of elegance to the afternoon. A couple of years ago he played for President Mary McAleese up at the Áras, but today he plays Danny Boy for our little prince. A perfect finale to our flying visit. We may have to plan another invasion very soon.
• Kevin Courtney was a guest of www.discoverireland.ie/cork
Where to stay, where to eat and where to go
Where to stay
• The Clarion. Lapp's Quay, 021-4224900, www.clarion cork.com. This impressive glass-and-steel hotel has a very stylish reception area leading into a vertiginous six-storey atrium. The penthouse is perfect for visiting rock stars, who can get ready for the gig at the SanoVitae spa.
• The Imperial. South Mall, 021-4274040, www.flynn hotels.com/Imperial_Hotel. Sitting imperiously on the Mall, Cork's most opulent hotel has even more to be smug about following a multimillion-euro renovation. High chandeliers and a gourmet food hall add to the old-world style; even the business centre is set in an oak-panelled library.
• The Victoria. Patrick Street, 021-4278788, www.thevictoria hotel.com. Built in 1810, the oldest hotel in Cork was frequented by such luminaries as Charles Stewart Parnell and James Joyce. The rooms are elegant but low key, the walls are adorned with pictures of old Cork, and the whole place is steeped in a sense of history.
Where to eat
• Jacobs on the Mall. 30a South Mall, 021-4251530, www.jacobsonthemall.com. It doesn't look like much from the outside, but inside this former Turkish baths is a delightful dining space, with split-level seating plus a few cosy booths. There's also a private dining room and piano bar if you really want to treat your friends.
• Nash 19. 19 Princes Street, 021-4270880, www.nash19. com. For years Cork's businesspeople have been going to work with the smell of fresh-baked scones and coffee wafting from this ever-popular eaterie. Always busy for lunch, when wheeling and dealing are done to the accompaniment of fine, fresh organic foods.
• Farmgate Cafe. English Market, 021-4278134. If all that lovely produce in the English Market is making you feel peckish, then pop upstairs to this balcony cafe and sample the hearty menu, which includes oysters, corned mutton and beef and its famous tripe and drisheen.
Where to go
• Fota Wildlife Park. Carrigtwohill, Co Cork, 021-4812678, www.fotawildlife. ie. Cork's animal kingdom houses bison, cheetah, giraffes and wallabies, among other species, along with a big variety of apes and monkeys. Nearby Fota House is being refurbished, but its beautiful wood-panelled tea room is open, and its open fire is welcome after a long walk around the wildlife park.
• The Bells of Shandon. Church Street, 021-4505906, www.shandonbells.org. The Church of St Anne Shandon sits atop one of the highest hills in Cork. Climb up the Four-faced Liar, as the clock tower is known, and you will be rewarded with a fine view of the city, plus a chance to ring the bells.
The English Market. Grand Parade, www.cork englishmarket.ie. One of Europe's most famous indoor markets, where the finest producers in the southwest display their goodies.