The Mediterranean island offers a great compromise between travelling and pure leisure, writes Derek Scally
IT'S NOT WHERE you start, it's where you finish, and when the hellraising actor Oliver Reed checked out of this life it wasn't in his self-professed spiritual home of Ireland; it was in Malta.
During the filming of Gladiator, in 1999, the actor went on one last bender in the capital, Valletta. In a pub called the Pub, on Archbishop Street, he downed 12 double rums, eight pints and half a bottle of whiskey. Then he beat five young British sailors at arm-wrestling, paid his bill of €375 and collapsed with a fatal heart attack.
In his honour the owners have rechristened their premised Ollie's Last Pub. But you'd be mistaken to think a trip to Malta is strictly for hard-living types.
A holiday here is a bit like Delia Smith's taboo-breaking, career-boosting concession to convenience food: if it saves hassle, where's the harm?
Malta is a home from home for the weary traveller who wants to get away to somewhere halfway authentic but not so far away that every meal or cup of coffee is an ordeal, extortion or both.
The island is a friendly destination offering good value and plenty to see and do. Everything is in close proximity for half-day trips, leaving the rest of the day for reading, shopping or lazing around.
Although Maltese is the daily language, the island's history as a British colony until independence, in 1964, means that the locals are perfectly happy to speak English.
After joining the EU, in 2004, Malta achieved comfort-traveller nirvana in January when it entered the eurozone; its gleaming Maltese Cross euro coins are easily the prettiest in the bloc.
Driving along the bumpy road into Valletta is like a trip back in time to an era before mass tourism homogenised everything.
Arriving at the city through the main gate, strollers find themselves on the pedestrianised main drag of Republic Street.
The place will give some visitors Dubrovnik deja vu, but, unlike the Croatian city, the streets of the Maltese capital has so far been spared the postcards-and-handcrafts plague.
In the early, off-season hours, the city has the pleasant bustle of real life, not tourist trade, as locals greet each other while popping in and out of cafes, vegetable shops and even ironmongers.
Away from the main streets, the run-down facades make clear that Valletta, tourism aside, is hardly a boom town. But pick the right moment - late afternoon or late at night - and wander around with the empty, echoing city streets to yourself.
It's impossible to get lost here: Valletta's 16th-century grid system has survived along with the extraordinary city fortifications, a reminder of the bloody siege of 1565, when the Knights of Malta sent the Ottomans packing.
After being forced from Rhodes years earlier, the famous Knights of St John of Jerusalem, the last crusaders, settled on Malta in 1530.
Despite damage in the second World War, much of the city's pretty 16th-century architecture survives, making the city a favourite setting for film directors.
For weary travellers, the must-see list can be kept mercifully short: the beautiful dome of St John's Co-Cathedral and the impressive Grandmaster's Palace, now the Maltese parliament.
As Benjamin Disraeli, the former British prime minister, once noted kindly: "Valletta equals in its noble architecture, if it does not excel, any capital in Europe."
Art lovers will be thrilled to see two masterpieces in the cathedral by Caravaggio, the Oliver Reed of his day, who painted the works while he hid out in Malta after killing a man in Italy.
Perhaps the best way to escape the well-worn streets - and interminable steps - of the capital is to head inland to Mdina, the medieval capital. Known as the Silent City, the town has angular streets that are lined with a curious mix of Norman and Baroque architecture, connected by blind alleys that ooze atmosphere.
Getting around Malta is a breeze: Irish drivers will be at ease with the left-hand traffic, although some of the coast roads are best left to boy racers.
For the rest of us the island runs a very effective bus fleet: nearly all buses begin and end their journey in front of the city gate in Valletta.
At less than €1, a bus ride is the island's cheapest entertainment. Many of the buses are 1950s originals - and are great fun once your lungs get used to the diesel fumes drifting in through where the door should be.
Nervous passengers should sit near the back, where it's harder to see the driver smoke, wave to another driver and talk on his mobile phone while taking a hairpin bend.
The buses will take you anywhere on the island, including to the Terxian temples dating from 3000 BC, reportedly the world's oldest standing structures. And then there's the turquoise undersea delight of the Blue Grotto. On the neighbouring Maltese island of Gozo, there's a competing Blue Grotto, apparently even more blue.
Finding the right accommodation on Malta takes some work: private accommodation is available in Valletta through the internet, but most of the tour operators plant their customers in the tourist resorts.
A good choice is Sliema, across the bay and with a gorgeous view of the Valletta skyline. It's easily reached by bus or ferry, while further along the coast are the upmarket St Julian's and, finally, St Paul's Bay.
Named after the saint who was shipwrecked here in 300, it's now firmly in British hands. Every 100m along the scrappy promenade a sign promises an "English breakfast" or a "chip butty and pint of lager" for €2.50.
If that's a stomach-churning prospect, the SAS Radisson spa hotel is the place to get away from everything. Perched on Golden Bay, which is as lovely as it sounds, it offers one of Malta's few strands of yellow sand, endless cliff walks and bracing breezes to blow off the cobwebs.
It would have done Oliver Reed the power of good.
Ryanair (
www.ryanair.com
) flies to Malta on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.
Belleair (
www.belleair.ie
) has packages to Malta. Book through your local travel agent.
Call 01-6606321 for brochures.
MALTESE MUST-DOS
Where to stay
Maison La Vallette offers visitors a renovated
self-catering town house decorated with Maltese baroque furniture.
00-356-79488047,
www.maisonlavallette.com.
Hotel Phoenicia in Valletta offers colonial charm and prime location. 00-356-21225241, www.phoeniciamalta.com.
The Asti Guest House is a character-filled if somewhat basic 350-year-old town house. 00-356-21239506, www.mol.net.mt/asti.
Where to eat
The Boat House Wine Bar is located in a 19th-century
boathouse once belonging to the noble Scicluna family.
Now part of the Westin Dragonara resort, it offers excellent seafood for a romantic evening, but only between June and September. 00-356-21381000, www.westinmalta.com.
The Black Pearl. This imposing schooner once belonged to Errol Flynn and for the last 20 years has served as an excellent Italian restaurant in Msida, just outside Valletta.00-356-21343970, www.visitmalta.com/black-pearl-outdoor.
TwoTwentyTwo, the current hot restaurant in Valletta, offers quality Mediterranean food to a chic crowd. 00-356-27333222, www.two-twentytwo.com.
Where to go
The Siege of Malta exhibition in Valletta will bring
you up to date with the island's history.
www.greatsiege.com.mt.
Sweethaven Village houses the film set for the cartoon-style 1980 Popeye film, a Robert Altman live-action bomb that starred Robin Williams as the spinach-eating sailor. It also has a family fun park. www.popeyemalta.com.
Fort St Elmo now houses the island's war museum. www.visitmalta.com/fort-st-elmo.
For more ideas, see www.visitmalta.com.