Bad boy Leo goes missing as Kenny calls time on leaks

DÁIL SKETCH:WHEN IT comes to shooting from the lip, Leo Varadkar is a bit too quick on the jaw.

Which wouldn’t be so bad if he was only talking himself into trouble. But when his unguarded remarks reflect badly on the Government, action must be taken.

As far as the Taoiseach is concerned, Leo’s weekend comments on the likelihood of a second EU-IMF bailout for Ireland have been as welcome as a Spanish cucumber in the Cabinet’s salad.

He insisted that his Minister’s prediction would not come to pass.

“Loose talk costs jobs,” Micheál Martin reminded Enda, gingerly exploring the delights of the high moral ground.

Who was he telling? The Taoiseach rolled his eyes.

This is a serious situation. So serious that Gerry Adams was aghast in two languages.

“Tá the dogs in the street ag caint faoi seo,” quivered the Sinn Féin leader.

Enda is fully aware of the gravity of the situation and has taken decisive action.

Little did he know on Friday night, when soft-soaping a perplexed populace from the Late Late Show couch, that one of his own Ministers would be forcing him to eat his words.

“Nobody shamed our nation,” he condescended more than once, taking it upon himself to award a gold star to the bemused citizenry for not disgracing themselves in front of the neighbours.

(If memory serves us, it is his own political class who hold the track record in this respect.) Then Leo Varadkar goes on a solo run on Sunday and his thoughts on another bailout are carried by media outlets all over the world.

“Two thousand two hundred different media outlets,” said the Fianna Fáil leader, helpfully. “So far.” Make no mistake, but Enda has taken immediate action to address his Cabinet’s embarrassing incontinence problem. He has given his indiscreet Minister a firm talking to: stick a cork in it! There was no sign of loquacious Leo in the Dáil yesterday afternoon when the Opposition sought to probe his troubling pronouncement a little further.

Had the talkative Minister for Transport missed his bus to Kildare Street? Or had Enda sent him to Coventry? A spokesman said Leo attended the morning Cabinet meeting and spent the rest of the day working in his department. There is no question that he was bound and gagged and made sit in the corner until he realises the error of his ways.

Anyway, it’s not like he’s the only bad boy in class. Enda’s Ministers are leaking at an alarming rate. Richard Bruton and Brendan Howlin are another two who have spoken out of turn recently.

What’s a Taoiseach to do? You can’t watch them all the time, particularly when you have a queen and a president to entertain. He’s meeting the prime minister of Hungary today. By the time that photo opportunity is finished, Eamon Gilmore will have probably sold us off to the Chinese.

Enda issued a blanket instruction to his front bench yesterday to belt up. “I’ve spoken to all the Ministers – all of them – about the importance of this matter,” he told the Dáil.

The few who did manage to muster for Leaders’ Questions didn’t look particularly chastened. They have been warned though: there is to be no more running off at the mouth.

But the Taoiseach is finding it difficult to stomach any lectures from the Opposition. Not least from Micheál Martin, who expressed concern that many people are now saying Leo “was telling the truth while you and your Minister for Finance are denying it because you have to say that”. He sounded like a man speaking from recent experience.

“Now, the implication that you aren’t telling the truth is deeply damaging and inappropriate and I’m sure you would agree with me on that.” He asked Enda to put an end to the speculation for once and for all.

“I think your comment is quite pathetic,” sniffed the Taoiseach.

How could people be speaking the truth “about events that have not happened yet”. Er, not that they will, he’s sure.

Independent Mick Wallace was very impressed by What Leo Said. “I’d like to commend the Minister, Deputy Varadkar, on his honesty and straight-talking at the weekend. I think it’s very refreshing,” said Mick, resplendent in a saffron T-shirt offset by a single earring in the shape of a strawberry.

Enda was not amused.

He was in no humour to listen to Micheál taking him to task on the subject of banning corporate donations to political parties.

Fianna Fáil has some cheek to raise the matter, given their past.

“That’s not even a brass neck,” he huffed. “That is a neck of toughened platinum from which the memory chip has been removed.”