Miriam Lord: A handy day to ease the Dáil back to irrelevance

A handy day to ease the Dáil back to irrelevance after a long layoff. But although the new season kicked off yesterday afternoon, it seems the transfer window remains open.

Behind the scenes, Lucinda Creighton and a number of her colleagues from the parliamentary outfit known as "De Udders" were finalising a move to the technical group. The technical group wasn't happy about this and started making noises about repelling unwelcome boarders. If Creighton and her Reform Alliance crew make it across, it will be on a free transfer.

Fine Gael is still collecting hefty headage payments from the Exchequer for those TDs and senators who left the party in a huff last year. That's a situation that may yet end up in the courts. By the close of business yesterday, it was still not clear whether the technicals – a loose alliance of independent deputies who have come together in order to qualify for speaking rights – will be forced into fostering Fine Gael's abandoned waifs.

It was already a done deal as far Lucinda was concerned; she happily confirmed to all comers that she has signed for the TA.

The existing members of the group complained they had no say in the matter. The Ceann Comhairle, meanwhile, issued a cautiously worded statement indicating the relevant standing orders under which a TD may join the group. And the former Fine Gaelers appear to qualify. But their reluctant stablemates argue otherwise, with much from them yesterday about legal avenues to be explored.

Musical chairs

On the plus side for the 16-strong technical group – it includes Richard Boyd Barrett, Finian McGrath, Shane Ross and Mattie McGrath – the addition of new recruits from the Reform Alliance could see them become the largest opposition group in the Dáil, with accompanying increased exposure. That would sweeten the pill considerably for the disgruntled deputies. Not that the public really cares about a minor outbreak of musical chairs among independent TDs. But it breaks the monotony of life in Leinster House, which roared back into action yesterday with all the energy of slow puncture.

There were opening day protests on a diverse number of issues outside the main gates, but not many people turned up. This must have been a great disappointment to members of the Garda riot squad, squashed like coiled springs into two small vans but with little to do. In an effort to get a bit of enthusiasm going, the canteen made special sandwiches to put a pep in political steps.

For the lads, there was “Rocket Boy” – a mix of chicken, cucumber, tomato, quinoa, avocado, rocket basil and pesto. The ladies version was “Power Girl” a mix of quinoa, sweet potato, fresh beetroot and rocket. This didn’t go down well with the meat and two veg brigade, who wondered if Rocket Boy would be wind-driven.

Inside the chamber, it was business as usual. There was a smattering of angry Shatter. He came in to have a go at the GSOC, like he was still minister for justice, except Frances Fitzgerald was now sitting in his place, dispensing calm.

‘Monstrous’

Leaders’ Questions followed the usual old routine: questions asked, answers blustered. It was water charges and health this time. Micheál Martin has returned from his party’s think-in a changed man. This is because it was in Roscommon, where they have to boil water. ”It’s monstrous!” he said. He couldn’t comprehend how people would be asked to pay for water they can’t drink. That’s not to mention people who have to get by on one shower a week and one flush a day when the charges kick in.

Gerry Adams, with Mary Lou McDonald beside him, couldn't have been surprised when the jibes about the deputy leader's recent flights began. "That must be the business class seats in the front row," roared Fine Gael's Brendan Griffin. Mary Lou looked distinctly unamused.

Then Catherine Murphy, of the real technical group, wondered about Irish Water getting its hands on the personal information, such as PPS numbers, of customers. The Taoiseach didn't seem too bothered. "I don't think you fully understand the consequences of handing this personal information to a private company." Not that he seemed to care. Not when there is budget in just over three weeks and, on top of that, two byelections.

The writs were moved for Dublin South West and Roscommon South Leitrim. Election speeches were rehearsed for the hustings. That's all they'll be thinking about in Leinster House – the budget and the ballots.

The day-to-day business in the Dáil won’t be much more than a minor irritation. It’s time to hit the doorsteps. Let us pause now and pray for the doorsteps of Dublin South West and Roscommon South Leitrim. It’s going to be a trying three weeks.