MIRIAM LORD'S WEEK

FF Senators’ ruffled feathers; Donie bearing gifts; batteries standoff; Cowen for Kosovo; threat to Irish sprout; Toyota protocol; Fianna Fáil to the bone

RUFFLED FEATHERS are not the sole preserve of turkeys at the moment.

Highly insulted Fianna Fáil Senators have been clucking angrily all week about being snubbed by the Taoiseach, who did not invite them to his Christmas drinks.

The Senators have not distinguished themselves of late in the Seanad, losing a vote and getting caught up in a number of procedural cock-ups leading to abandoned debates, last-gasp victories and protestations that they can’t hear the division bells.

It can’t have helped to have the Greens misbehaving on Tuesday. Senators Dan Boyle and Deirdre de Burca purposely absented themselves from the chamber when a vote was taken on an amendment put down by David Norris, condemning the Government’s treatment of the Equality Authority.

Brian has not been amused by all the shenanigans. And last Wednesday, Senators felt the wrath of Cowen when they didn’t receive invites to drinks with the boss in the Italian Room of Government Buildings. After a teatime recital by the Oireachtas choir outside Leinster House, their humiliation was complete as the party’s Dáil backbenchers left them for drinks and finger food with the Taoiseach.

To make matters worse, there were dark mutterings that Tánaiste Mary Coughlan had “said something very disparaging about the Senators” to some of their number.

Nursing their sense of injustice, about 20 of them adjourned to Foley’s public house, which is a few yards away from Government Buildings, there to drown their sorrows.

“It’s his party and he can cry if he wants to” sniffed one disgruntled Senator, highly indignant. “For God’s sake, he’s even invited journalists in for a drink on Thursday. That’s how low down the pecking order we are now.”

Musical chairs

Seanad leader Donie Cassidy can’t have been happy after his troops were left out in the cold by the Taoiseach, but he is bearing up bravely. As usual, country music impresario Donie has dispatched Christmas gifts to many members of the Oireachtas.

His constituency colleague Mary O’Rourke was delighted to receive a parcel in the post from him containing a bumper three- CD collection of “The Best Country and Irish Love Songs.” It features the likes of Foster and Allen, TR Dallas, Louise Morrissey and Hugo Duncan.

“I’m very appreciative indeed of his kindness,” Deputy O’Rourke tells us.

Meanwhile, Cork Fine Gael councillor Gerry Kelly has penned a tribute song to the new Irish soccer team manager. It’s called “Trapattoni Here I Come” and he has released it on CD in aid of the Marymount Hospice.

It’s available in selected shops around the city.

Out of bounds

Environment Minister John Gormley and Santa Claus went to St Stephen’s Green yesterday to remind people to recycle their used batteries this Christmas. Armed with handfuls of batteries and details of the WEEE directive, John and Santa, with the party’s European election hopeful Deirdre de Burca in tow, posed for photographers. They stood on the pavement outside the railings, beside the taxi rank.

It was all going rather swimmingly, until a gentleman in a high-vis jacket arrived on the scene. “Have you permission to be doing this in St. Stephen’s Green?” he demanded of the startled Minister.

An adviser assured the official that they had no intention of going into the green and were happy on the footpath.

“This footpath is part of St. Stephen’s Green. You need permission to take photographs here.” Gormley remained silent, even though, as Minister for the Environment and parks, he could have argued that he owns St Stephen’s Green. Then again, he might have been afraid to ask: “Do you know who I am?”

A tense standoff ensued until Santa Claus intervened and saved the day. As the man in the fluorescent jacket stood his ground, Santa stuck out his hand and boomed “Hello little boy! How are you?” They shook hands. And in the spirit of Christmas, the photocall went ahead.

But this opens up questions. The pavement around the green is a very popular spot with politicians on those very rare occasions when they might want to have their photograph taken. They are particularly fond of the spot opposite the Shelbourne Hotel.

Is it out of bounds now?

Offaly goes a-roving

The citizens of Kosovo should not be surprised if they hear strains of The Offaly Rover ringing out down Pristina way next week.

On Monday, Brian Cowen will become the first Taoiseach to pay a Christmas visit to Irish troops serving overseas when he calls to Camp Clarke in Lipljan, which is about 10 miles outside the capital Pristina. The Taoiseach will spend a day with the troops, who are on a six-month tour of duty in the area. He will be accompanied by Minister for Defence Willie O’Dea.

The Taoiseach intends to spend a quiet family Christmas at home in Tullamore, but he will make his annual Yuletide visit to Leopardstown races on December 27th. The day will have added spice as the Dáil syndicate horse, Donna’s Palm, will be running.

Brian owns a leg.

Sprouts don’t travel

We telephoned Minister for Food Trevor Sargent yesterday for his annual Christmas message and sprout recipe. He was heavy of heart.

It seems the Irish Brussels Sprout is on life support at the moment and its future is in doubt.

“There is a very real danger that the Irish sprout will not be with us for much longer. The way things are going, it could be gone by next year,” Trevor tells us.

“There is the making of an almighty war between the large retailers and the producers. The retailers are trying to give the impression that you can grow good food for half nothing. Sprout producers are getting less this year than last year, even though their overheads have increased. In 1980, they were getting the equivalent of 70 cent a kilo. Today they get just 90 cent a kilo.” Here’s the rub. “People think they will be fine with imported sprouts. But to get a good result with your sprouts, they must be Irish. Sprouts don’t travel.”

Furthermore, the Minister for Food – who has the North Co Dublin marketing gardening sector in his constituency – says that fresh fruit and vegetables are “actually cheaper in the Republic than they are in Northern Ireland.” However, all is not lost in the battle to save the Irish sprout. “Deputy Mary White is a sprout growing expert,” Trevor tells us. “Mary says you have to have firm ground. The roots need solid ground. If it isn’t firm, they start to blow like a cabbage. (Or my dog after a feed of the things.)

“Her secret is very clever. In her vegetable garden, she plants her sprouts where she was treading a path the year before.”

For your ‘loved ones’

In a panic? Not sure what to buy for your loved ones this Christmas? Thanks to the internet, help is at hand.

For the man in your life. Watch his lovely eyes light up with rage on Christmas morning when he sees his Fianna Fáil cufflinks. Sterling silver, with a discreet FF harp logo engraving. Just €40.

Here’s something for everyone, now that the country is banjaxed. Three balls bearing the Fianna Fáil stamp. They can be used as a handy reminder that there is always the pawnbroker when the Smart Plan fails to deliver. Due to the downturn, these are not brass balls, but they can be used for playing golf. €6.50.

The Green Party also has a range of merchandise available to buy online. Choose from a Jute bag, durable and strong and produced in India from natural fibres. €6.99 plus €2.70 pp. Just the thing for those visits to the farmers’ market.

There’s a ceramic mug – “for your fair trade tea and coffee!” €6.99.

Here’s something for the kiddies – a canvassing pack. 30 badges, 10 T-shirts, six jute bags and two umbrellas. Hours of happy fun. What Green deputy do you want to be today?

Sadly, not much in Santy’s sack from Fine Gael. Just the one stocking filler, suitable for all the family – the Fine Gael Logo Pin. Perfect for repelling unwanted Soldiers of Destiny.

Sicken all your Fianna Fáil friends this Christmas with this “stylish metallic” lapel pin! So don’t just dream of a Blueshirt Christmas – you can have one, with a €3 special “limited edition” badge.

“Special rates for bags of 50.” Bags under 50 have to pay full price.

And whoever said Santa can’t be socialist? Brighten up your festive season with a Labour mug. But don’t call them that to their face – the parliamentary party members are very sensitive. €5 from headquarters, or free, if you haggle.

“Gilmore for Taoiseach” badges are the ideal solution for those awkward Indakinny occasions, when you want to assert your independence while not ruling out the possibility of coalition. €2 from Labour Youth.

And finally, to Sinn Féin. There isn’t much you can tell the Shinners about raising cash. In their massive online “catalog” they have listed nearly 350 tacktastic items for sale.

Fancy a bit of republican bling? How about a massive gold signet ring for him at €310?

“Its design is based on the symbol of the Phoenix arising out of the flames which became a symbol of the Irish Republican Army following the Derry uprising of 1969. The inscription reads Óglaigh na hÉireann, which is Irish for IRA.” His tears alone on Christmas morning will be worth it.

And for her, nothing says “I Love You” more than an “IRA – Undefeated Army” T-shirt (€15), except, perhaps, a two-tone gold heart Claddagh Fenian ring at €135.

And the kiddies will be so taken by that CD of Greatest Rebel Dance Anthems, they will be speechless, for a month.

Now. That’s the Christmas sorted for you.

Kyoto confusion

Fianna Fáil’s Senator Camillus Glynn got a bit confused during Wednesday’s debate on the Motor Vehicle (Duties and Licences) Bill debate.

“The purpose of these changes is to incentivise consumers to purchase vehicles with lower CO2 emissions, an important step in reducing national greenhouse gas emissions and in meeting Ireland’s commitments for the purposes of the Toyota Protocol.”

Then, after his day’s work was done in the Seanad, Camillus drove home to Mullingar in his Westmeath-registered Kyoto.

Hillery’s labours

There was an enjoyable gathering in the Mansion House on Monday night for the launch of Prof John Walsh’s official biography of Patrick Hillery. Taoiseach Brian Cowen, who delivered a memorable graveside oration earlier this year at Dr Paddy’s funeral, did the honours.

In the course of his speech, his admiration and affection for the late President Hillery shone through. Brian recalled one passage from the book, which records how Hillery’s dual role as politician and doctor in the early years of his career led to confusion in the muddled mind of an expectant father.

Walsh writes how Dr Paddy had just done a house call and was about to go to bed when there was a knock on the door. He opened the window and popped his head out.

“Dr. Paddy, my wife is about to have a child,” called the man from below. And Hillery, hoping he might get a few hours’ sleep, asked “Is she in labour?” To which the man replied “Oh no, doctor, we were always Fianna Fáil to the bone!” John Walsh’s TCD colleague Prof Eunan O’Halpin noted that the author is a Labour activist, and that another FF biography by a Labour man, John Horgan’s life of Sean Lemass, “is in itself definitive”.

To laughter he remarked: “It may be the destiny of Labour people to write fair, balanced and highly-positive biographies of Fianna Fáil politicians”.

All the talk of Paddy Hillery evoked memories of his celebrated performance at the stormy Fianna Fáil Ardfheis in 1971, when he roared from the platform: “Ye can have Boland, but ye can’t have Fianna Fáil!” Maybe it led to the rumour sweeping Leinster House that the Minister for Europe, when confronted by armed raiders outside a Wicklow hotel on Monday, was heard to roar: “Ye can have Dick Roche, but ye can’t have Lisbon II!”