Miriam Lord's Week

Slip-sliding away on Turkish junket; Marathon Mary; battle of the Marys; out of bounds in Leinster House; Lowry's raffle

Five golfing heroes skip off from Dáil row

When Thursday’s furore over next week’s Dáil and Seanad working arrangements was in full swing, three TDs and two Senators had already packed their bags and were preparing to depart for Turkey on a lavish five-day golfing junket – a top-secret operation.

Deputies Frank Fahey of Fianna Fáil, Phil Hogan of Fine Gael and Independent TD Noel Grealish, along with Seanad leader Donie Cassidy and Fine Gael Senator Paddy Burke slipped away quietly in the afternoon to begin their all-expenses paid trip to the popular coastal resort of Antalya. There they will play golf with parliamentarians from all around the world to mark the 90th anniversary of the Turkish Grand National Assembly.

It’s first class all the way for the lucky five, who also happen to be golfing pals. Cassidy is secretary of the Oireachtas golfing society; Burke is treasurer and Grealish vice-captain.

This column contacted a number of society members yesterday, all of whom expressed complete surprise about the trip.

One Oireachtas member admitted some knowledge of the event, which he referred to as “the massive freebie”. On the plus side, the lads’ five-day golfing odyssey around the stunning courses of Antalya will cost the taxpayer nothing as their generous host – the Turkish parliament – is picking up the tab.

No reason was given on Thursday for Cassidy’s absence from the Upper House. Paddy Burke, who was present in the morning but left for the sunny fairways of Turkey before the sitting concluded at lunchtime, voted with his party.

In the unlikely event of them getting their way, it would have been an tad inconvenient to rush back to Leinster House next Wednesday. (Wednesday, because neither the Dáil nor Seanad sit on the Tuesday after a bank holiday.)

Now, conveniently, should Donie and Paddy – he’s a very close confidante of Enda Kenny – decide to extend their stay, they can do so without missing any sittings.

As for the three deputies, neither Big Phil nor former PD Grealish voted on Thursday, but Fahey managed to support the Government’s proposal for a toothless two-and-a-half-day week, starting on Wednesday afternoon.

Given that they are due to return from their slice of Turkish Delight on Tuesday, the three TDs should have plenty of time to attend Leinster House the following day.

Labour’s whip Emmet Stagg, a vocal critic of the way the Dáil does its business, says he wasn’t aware of the trip, which he assumes was planned before the Government reversed the decision not to sit next week. “Although I wouldn’t have participated even if I was asked.” Meanwhile, his Seanad colleague Alex White declined to comment “because I can’t think of anything that would be printable”.

Talk about hitting the ground running

Sports Tourism and Culture Minister Mary Hanafin was only a few days in the job when she registered to do Monday’s women’s mini-marathon. “Given that it’s my first one I’ll be aiming for a personal best,” she says, admitting that she’s never done a run before.

“Actually, to be honest, I’ll be with the thousands of women who will be walking the 10km course. If I try to run I won’t make it, although I might break into a canter should I manage to get in sight of the finishing line.”

She’ll be doing a whip-around for charity at next week’s Cabinet meeting. “I didn’t want to take money off the Ministers in case I didn’t do the course.”

Mary loves her shoes. She was wearing a pair of six-inch floral heels on Thursday when escorting the Paisleys around the National Museum and the National Library. She had to leave a number of times to take part in Dáil votes, click-clacking like lightning in and out of Leinster House. “This is my training.”

On Thursday night, she called to Farmleigh where Big Ian and Eileen were having dinner and presented them with his family’s entry from the 1901 census. It showed his grandfather, grandmother, father and aunt. They lived in Beragh, Co Tyrone, and their religion was listed as “Irish Church”. They later became Presbyterian.

Hamstring injuries notwithstanding, Hanafin will be in Limerick’s Thomond Park on Wednesday with Dolores O’Riordan from the Cranberries to open this year’s Special Olympics Ireland.

Rumpus on Shannonside

Hell hath no fury like a Mammy scorned. (What would this column do without Mary O'Rourke?) News reaches us of an unfortunate incident in Westmeath on Tuesday night immediately after a live Prime Time Specialwas aired from Athlone.

“It’s the talk of the town,” we’re told.

As soon as the programme ended, and to the amazement of the large crowd still present, an extremely heated exchange took place between two of the most formidable women in Ireland – Miriam O’Callaghan and Mary O’Rourke – when the TD reportedly came up from her seat and loudly berated the astonished broadcaster.

The highly capable O’Rourke, who is the senior FF representative in the area, was not on the discussion panel for the show which focussed on how the town is coping with recession. The Government put up Enterprise Minister Batt O’Keefe for the show. Mary was in the audience.

Before the 18-minute discussion segment started, O’Callaghan reminded the audience that anyone wishing to contribute should put up their hands and she would try get to them.

However, we hear that when the show ended, a gobsmacked O’Callaghan was buttonholed by an irate O’Rourke who read her the riot act – some of the language was a little salty – for ignoring her.

“It went on for well over five minutes. People were standing around, shocked,” says one witness. “Miriam apologised and tried to explain that she doesn’t pick the panel and had she known Mary wanted to speak she would have brought her in. But there was no consoling her.”

Happily, we hear it may all have been a misunderstanding and that O’Callaghan has been at pains to point out this week that she wasn’t in the least bit offended. She has known deputy O’Rourke for many years and recently conducted a charming interview with her and nephew Brian Lenihan on her radio show.

In fact, we’re told Miriam has been explaining to people that it’s just a case of not everyone getting Mary’s quirky but robust sense of humour.

A pity, that.

They could have sold tickets for a rematch.

A real job or the gym for stickler Noel

Times must be bad in Leinster House after the pay cuts and tightening up of the expenses regime. But at least there’s always the Oireachtas gym, a place where politicians can go to work off the stresses and strains of another difficult day at the coalface.

Fine Gael’s chief whip Paul Kehoe was there on Tuesday, lifting a few weights. After his session he returned to the changing room, only to discover somebody had nicked his socks. At least the thief left him with his shoes.

They’re Tommy Hilfigger, and Kehoe will be keeping an eye on ankles around the house to see if he can nab the culprit.

Maybe a few sessions in the Oireachtas gym is just what Fianna Fáil’s Noel O’Flynn needs to help him relax.

The deputy for Cork North Central, often spoken of as a member of the FF dissident mob, isn’t a happy camper these days. He is said to be particularly annoyed with journalists for writing damaging stories about politicians, their expenses and attendance records.

Recently, TDs and Senators were given more spaces in the Leinster House car park, further reducing spaces available to the staff who look after them and accredited members of the media. Noel is said to get particularly annoyed when journalists park in the new spots reserved for politicians.

The backbencher, who recently ruled when sitting in for the Ceann Comhairle that “all types of asses are unparliamentary” rounded upon this column in the coffee dock queue on Wednesday for openly carrying a notebook (along with purse, pen and phone) inside the confines of Leinster House.

“That’s out of bounds,” he insisted, highly affronted.

“No it isn’t.”

That’s out of bounds! That’s out of bounds,” continued Noel pompously.

“No, it isn’t.” And so on. Eventually, we told him to go out to the car park and count a few cars. An hour later, the esteemed chairman of the Oireachtas press gallery, Eoin “Boris Beag” Ó Murchú, was in touch to convey the news that O’Flynn had made an official complaint to the superintendent of the House about this reporter holding a notebook in her hand in the meeting area of Leinster House 2000 and that, furthermore, she had made an offensive comment to him.

He was wrong about the notebook. As for the comment, chairman Ó Murchú has issued the following statement: “I will treat Deputy O’Flynn’s complaint with the seriousness it deserves.” Perhaps Brian Cowen should give Noel a job, because he clearly has too much time on his hands.

Lots of Oxygen wind in Lowry’s sails

Tipperary North’s Michael Lowry launched a new Facebook page two months ago and already he has almost 3,000 followers.

Michael is so delighted with the response – almost all positive – he is holding a raffle among his followers for 20 weekend tickets to this year’s Oxygen festival.

Over the last 10 days, 1,200 applicants have registered to be entered in the draw. The winning names will be pulled from a drum on Monday night in the Anner Hotel in Thurles.

The event will be filmed and put on YouTube on Tuesday morning at 10am, when ticket holders can view the results. Things are going well for deputy Lowry theses days, with what he feels is more positive news for him emerging from the Moriarty tribunal and a mini-party of seven Michael Lowry councillors on the ground in Tipperary. “We’re bigger than the Greens,” he likes to say.

The unfathomable aura of Callely

Ivor Callely. The gift that keeps on giving.

A few years ago, he was interviewed by journalist Alison O'Connor for her Round Midnightradio series. He told her he would like to be taoiseach and recalled how, when he was a small boy, his mother was told by a fortune teller that her lad was destined for greatness.

He was always different. When other guests selected a CD as their favourite music, Ivor brought in a family member to sing and play the piano and the show had to be moved to a bigger studio.

But the most memorable moment came when Ivor told fellow West Corkonian Alison (she’s from Bantry) about the two biggest influences on his life. The first was his mother. The second, he said, was Mother Teresa.

“There was an aroma about her,” he declared. He may have meant to say “aura”. Or he may not.

Short statement on my expenses (vouched)

And finally, a short statement: This column is being filed from my beehive hut on Small Skellig , where I have been living for the past five years.

Unfortunately, as the only resident of this rugged idyll, there are no neighbours to confirm that this bijou but spartan home is my principal residence.

If only the gannets could talk they would back me up.

Recently, there have been suggestions I have not been taking the boat to Valencia Island and undertaking a weekly 400km drive to The Irish Timesoffice in Leinster House.

It has been further insinuated that I do not motor and sail back to my charming hut every Thursday evening, there to commence this column in the West Kerry solitude.

Obviously, there is no broadband here so I send my weekly dispatch by carrier-gannet.

When working in Dublin I maintain a modest suite in the Merrion Hotel.

All this involves considerable but legitimate expense, going forward.

It is an outrage to claim that I actually live in Dublin 3 and can regularly be seen walking a portly mongrel called Char-les along the seafront in Clontarf.

Yes, I maintain a home in the area, but this is only used for holidays to Dollymount.

Malicious media reports of myself and Char-les “haunting” the off-licences and chip shops of Clontarf prove nothing.

Admittedly, I cannot drive a car, but that has nothing to do with mileage, to which I am fully entitled.

This is a complex issue. In fact, due to anomalies in The Irish Timesfully vouched system of expenses, if there is a victim here, it is me.

I hope that clears up everything and we can move on. (Note to wages department: send cheque to Dublin address as usual.)