How to deal with a boss who doesn’t appreciate you

If your relationship with your manager is prickly, icy, distant or strained, your work (and your career) will no doubt suffer. The good news is there are steps you can take to change things for the better.

If you feel that your boss doesn’t like you, here are a few common causes, and the best ways to deal with them:

1 Your boss thinks you’re incompetent

The long-term solution here is to deliver results and build a track record of high-quality work. In the short term, be aware of any cues you may be sending that say you aren’t capable. For example, use questions sparingly. Peppering your boss with questions could suggest that you don’t know what you’re doing.

2 Your boss doesn’t like your style

It’s possible you’re a high performer, but your boss dislikes you because your style doesn’t mesh with theirs. In this case, you’ll notice that the boss’s corrections and coaching aren’t as much about what you’re doing as they are about how you’re doing it. The secret to addressing a style clash is to find two or three small things you can change that will make a big difference.

3 Your boss doesn’t relate to you

If you feel that your boss can’t connect with you personally, start forming even the smallest links to bring you together. Open up a dialogue with questions like: “How would you look at this situation?” “What experiences have you had that shape your thinking here?” “What am I not thinking about?”

Listen to and learn from your boss and reflect back what you’re hearing. It’s also valuable to share your perspective to give your boss a window into how you think.

4 Your boss is insecure

The hardest situation is when your boss dislikes you because you are successful, smart and confident, and they are insecure and feel threatened. One of the tell-tale signs of an insecure boss is erratic behaviour.

When all is well and the boss is feeling confident, you might have a perfectly friendly relationship; but the moment something you do or say hits a raw nerve, you see anger, hostility and defensiveness.

There are very few satisfying remedies for building a relationship with these types of bosses. The most successful tactic is often to give your manager a share of your success and your confidence.

Find opportunities to ask them how they would approach a given problem and then give credit for their contribution. – Copyright Harvard Business Review