I’m bingeing on Derry Girls with subtitles in case I missed some of the jokes

I’ve been bingeing on Derry Girls, so to speak. Yes, I’ve seen the TV series before. It just gets better with repeated viewing. This time, I’m watching it with subtitles. Not that the Derry accent is difficult, just that I thought I may have been missing some of the throwaway remarks. There are no throwaway remarks in Derry Girls.

I have a particular reason for writing about the series today. It’s concerns the now famous “blackboard” scene where a well-meant initiative to bring the girls together with boys from a Protestant school goes awry.

As part of this, the boys and girls are asked to call out what they have in common. A blackboard headed “Differences” is soon full, while another highlighting what they have in common remains empty until the end. Then, one word is written there – “Parents”, as the girls and boys face the united wrath of their families.

Among those “differences” is “St Patrick’s Day vs 12th July”. Catholics parade on St Patrick’s Day and Protestants on July 12th, we are told. There is no doubt who got the better date. No goose pimples on the 12th. Not weather-induced ones anyhow.

‘I have not had contact with my siblings for many decades, nor did I attend my parents’ funerals’

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As the blackboard also says, Catholics like to walk, Protestants like to march. Catholics love Mary, Protestants love King Billy. Protestants keep toasters in cupboards and think Catholics keep coal in the bath. Catholics love bingo, have GAA and camogie, while Protestants have football and hockey.

Protestants love brooches and hymns, while Catholics like statues, have fancy cathedrals and do pilgrimages. Protestants love gardening but can’t spell or pronounce Irish names and think nuns having boy’s names is weird. None more so than the incomparable Sr Michael.

Catholics have more freckles. They like ABBA and JFK. Protestants love the queen (king, now). Catholics are obsessed with saints and must obey the pope. Protestants love flutes, accordion bands, and “orange stuff”. They go to Newcastle (Co Down) on holidays. Catholics go to Bundoran, watch RTÉ, eat fish on Fridays and like Bisto gravy. Protestants are richer, love soup and can’t have fun on Sundays. And so much more.

Do yourself a favour this weekend, binge on all three series of Derry Girls. You won’t regret it. The blackboard scene is in episode one, series two.

Derry, from Irish doire for “an oak wood”.