In a Word . . . LinkedIn

Dear LinkedIn,

Could we talk.

I do not need to be connected with my esteemed colleague Conor Pope. He sits in front of me. Or Carl O'Brien, to my right. Hugh Linehan, to my left. Colm Keena, behind me. That's me, stuck between Consumerism, Education, Culture and Law. Wherever they are gathered.

Or Kitty Holland, Olivia Kelly, Niamh Towey, Eithne Donnellan. Not to mention Caroline Cleary. They are all around me at work.

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Tom Petty, me and a lonely winter’s night in Pittsburgh, 1979

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Here, blessed amongst women.

You make me feel like St Patrick’s Breastplate. You know “Kitty before me, Caroline behind me, Carl at my right, Hugh to my left, etc.” I meet these people almost every day. But thank you for asking.

Nor do I need to congratulate my niece on her new job. We do not do praise in our house. Our predominant philosophy is similar to that of the mothers in Sparta. They exhorted sons heading for battle to "come back with your shield or on it" (victorious or dead!). It's just as well such thinking does not prevail in Mayo!

I have no interest in who is looking at my profile. Or why. And most certainly I would not qualify for that clinical nursing job in Kildare or that Japanese-speaking post with a training company. As for being an HSE Operations Manager in Leitrim? Don't you think the HSE has enough problems?

But thank you for suggesting.

Telling me what $1 million savings would do for my retirement is academic and will remain so. Why should I congratulate Tom on his new post. He left friends of mine in the lurch. As for that idiot Harry? We’ll see how long he lasts in his new job. A month at most. Will you ask me then to congratulate him then too?

As for Richard. That Dick. Can’t stand him. No chance of me EVER congratulating him. Oh, and thank you for telling me about those other 126 contacts I may know. I do. But, above all, please stop pushing people to invite me to add them to my LinkedIn network.

I feel I have to in case they might think I’m ignoring them. So I press “accept”, but not because I want to. It’s a nuisance.

You’re a nuisance. Go away, and thank you.

Patsy

LinkedIn is a professional networking service which was launched in 2003

inaword@irishtimes.com