There’s no sweating the big stuff on Lunchtime Live (Newstalk, weekdays), where some of the items are so obviously made up on the fly that the back of an envelope seems like a PhD thesis in comparison.
"Have you met any famous people in your life?" asks host Ciara Kelly on Wednesday. "Were they nice?" As a question, this might just about pass muster on a kids' TV show, but coming from a presenter who regularly reminds listeners that she's a doctor, it sounds like an exercise in meta satire.
Every anecdote is a kind of celebrity Rorschach test, as she shouts out the catchphrase associated with the star in question. When one listener recalls meeting Sylvester Stallone, Kelly reprises the actor’s Rocky battlecry of “Adriaaaannnn!”
When another remembers encountering Neil Armstrong, the host naturally reaches for “one giant leap”, before sending the cliché generator into overdrive: “A brave thing to do, to go to the moon, particularly when space travel was the final frontier.”
Of course, every radio show has filler, but Kelly has been getting the trowel out a lot recently. Areas under discussion include the inability of children to read non-digital clocks and people’s bad behaviour at Christmas parties. In fairness, more pressing matters are covered too, with listeners sharing opinions on Sinn Féin’s proposed rent freeze.
But overall the show has lost much of its initial zing. Where Kelly once brought passion and expertise to the airwaves, particularly during last year’s abortion referendum, now she can sound less than engaged: sometimes, her callers aren’t the only ones phoning it in.
But Kelly hasn't lost her spark altogether. When she has a stimulating guest such as Bibi Baskin, she ups her game, jousting conversationally and rebuffing shaky assertions. Appearing as a guest on Newstalk for the second time in as many days (see below), Baskin talks to Kelly on Wednesday about Ireland's supposedly high quality of life. The former RTÉ broadcaster says she's reluctant to join the "negative narrative", but is forthright about the country's failings. "The one that sticks in my craw is health," Baskin says, decrying the lack of dignity afforded patients, while unfavourably comparing the health system here to that of India, where she lived for many years.
This is too much for Kelly. The former GP has few illusions about the Irish health system, but while she unstintingly praises the Indian medical staff she has worked with, she suggests that living standards in India are overall perhaps less satisfactory than here. She also drills down into the UN data, suggesting that Irish medical outcomes compare well internationally, if not our hospital waiting times.
Kelly is so exercised she says that all countries have a problem with homeless people. It’s not quite dismissing the homelessness crisis, but Baskin chuckles ruefully that her host will surely be inundated with texts. It’s a reminder that Kelly can still deliver invigorating, even contentious radio, given the right prescription.
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As the big day looms, it's decision time for Shane Coleman and Kieran Cuddihy.
The UK is at the polls again and an election is imminent here, but the co-anchors of Newstalk Breakfast (weekdays) aren’t distracted by such sideshows. Instead, Tuesday’s show has the two presenters intently debating when is the best time to put up the Christmas tree.
As the pair trade insults with jocular familiarity, Cuddihy argues for early installation and removal, while his colleague prefers a later date, calibrated to precisely one and a half weeks before Christmas Day. “Only the big issues of the day here on Newstalk Breakfast,” says Coleman, with droll self-awareness. Either way, he’s only half-right.
The morning show covers the day’s headline stories in serious fashion. But this coverage often enlivened with reliably attention-grabbing contributions from likes of Danny Healy-Rae, who has long mastered the art of media ubiquity while claiming voices like his are never heard.
As an elected representative, of course, Healy-Rae can justifiably speak on behalf of others. It’s less the case with the callers invited onto the programme to hold forth on the topics of the day. True, this slot has its benefits, and not just because it can eat up airtime.
On Tuesday, as the presenters ponder a UN study claiming Ireland has the third highest quality of life in the world, they hear from Sally, who disagrees. She thinks it’s the best place in the world. Sally, it turns out, is English-born but has just taken Irish citizenship: she praises the community spirit and landscape here. It’s hard not to be moved by her observations, if not necessarily her conclusion.
But while such experiences can bring new perspectives to a topic, it’s a different story when callers are less tethered to the evidence. On Monday, Michael calls to say that pollution is an environmental challenge, but doubts whether humans cause global warming. Michael says the earth has undergone huge climate shifts in the past, citing a book he read in college “a long time ago”.
Cuddihy reminds his caller that most climate scientists agree on manmade climate change. But Michael, who sounds sincere and articulate, sticks to his guns, prompting his host to dolefully note that he’s not the only one with such opinions, judging by the texts coming in.
For all that it’s admirable and even advisable to allow listeners a platform alongside news reporters – people once deemed professionals but now more likely to be derisively dubbed mainstream media gatekeepers – it can blur the lines between evidence and speculation. But such features also give Newstalk Breakfast an undeniably zippier air than, say, Morning Ireland.
Even so, it might be better to leave the daft opinions to the hosts. Coleman and Cuddihy may get silly about seasonal decorations, but professionals that they are, they try to get it right on the things that matter.
Radio Moment of the Week: Bibi’s A+ putdown
Bibi Baskin takes up residency on Newstalk during the week, giving as good as she gets to the reliably ribbing Ivan Yates on the Hard Shoulder (weekdays). Baskin is promoting a book of aphorisms she has edited, which her host treats with jovial disdain. "Here's another one that's total crap," he chuckles, reading a random entry. Charming. The unfazed Baskin shoots back when the host proclaims his own unvarnished candour, as he's wont to do. "I don't have a conscience," he says proudly. "The whole bloody country knows Ivan Yates doesn't have a conscience," comes the tart reply. She should appear more regularly.