Dressed to distress: Fashion statements of the Trumps on tour

For the Trumps the optics of their state visit to the UK are ballot-box gold dust. The British, furious and baffled about why, exactly, Buckingham Palace appears to be hosting the Trumps on a family holiday, are watching from between their fingers, fixated by the horror of it all. As with Love Island, you know you shouldn’t look – nothing good will come of it – but you can’t drag your eyes away.

The Trumps have dressed for this trip with all the nuance and subtlety that are their trademark. After Melania Trump flew to London dressed as Big Ben, Tiffany Trump appears to have typed "Jane Austen World Book Day costume" into the Amazon search bar and came up with an evening gown in a shade of claret that gave her the vibe of a midwestern bridesmaid who is, like, really into Downton Abbey.

In her custom Dior Dancing on Ice dress, Melania looked like white-tie I, Tonya, but it is Ivanka Trump who, as ever, strikes terror into the heart with her replicant-like ability to almost convincingly model modern metropolitan dress. The ghostly image of Ivanka and her husband, Jared Kushner, gazing out from behind a palace curtain had every bit as much cosy warmth as Grant Wood's 1930 American Gothic portrait, but what really upsets me is that she is wearing the British designer Alessandra Rich. I love Alessandra Rich!

For the evening banquet Ivanka chose a baby-blue shirt dress by Carolina Herrera. That this is a more sophisticated, stately choice than the actual first lady's sparkly white is worth noting, perhaps. It is Ivanka's ability to get this stuff right that makes her the scariest Trump of all. In its apparent sweetness concealing a chill heart, her baby blue is to 2019 what Villanelle's frothy-pink-tulle Molly Goddard look in Killing Eve was to 2018.

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But what of Donald Trump himself? In a suit, Trump always reminds me of the penny-for-the-guy figures that used to be seen on the streets before Bonfire Night: turkey-plump at the chest, flappy around the legs and with oddly proportioned hands and feet. Penny for the guy seems to have been phased out by the ascendancy of Halloween over the British rituals of November 5th. Once again: thanks, America! – Guardian