‘It’s new boots time. Make mine pointy toed and kitten heeled’

I am so happy! It is finally the start of autumn which is, of course, the very best season. And no, please don’t disagree and start making a case for summer or spring or even winter, because you are wrong and I am right.

Okay, let’s end this right here.

Let me ask you this: if you had to get financial advice from one of the seasons, how do you think you’d fare with spring? Very badly, I’d wager, because spring is out of control. Its heart is in the right place but, like a dog with two mickeys, it’s unpredictable, highly distractible and prey to base, earthy urges. Spring would eagerly urge you to invest in some lunatic scheme. In its innocent, well-meaning way, it would believe it would work.

But it wouldn’t.

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Winter is another kind of beast entirely. Winter is embittered and treacherous. Winter wants to hurt you, to see you fail. Winter would knowingly and with malice aforethought steer you towards a company that it knows is teetering on the verge of administration. “Buy shares in this crowd,” it would say, with a thin smile. “Go all in. You’ll see.”

And yes, sadly, you will.

Summer, on the other hand, is the season that receives the most love, the season that – allegedly – delivers. Everyone’s golden boy, the praise has gone to its head. As a result, summer has become bloated and smug. Arrogant, even. Summer feels it doesn’t have to make any effort. It would suggest you put all your worldly goods into a manila envelope with a promise to invest them in a dead cert.

But it might not. Your little envelope of cash could stay sitting on the top of the telly in summer’s sitting room, while it fecks off to Ibiza for six weeks.

The anticipation is always thrilling, as we wait expectantly, wondering what shape ankle boots the fashion-y types will grant us this year

Autumn is the only season you can really trust. Granted it hasn’t the glamour of summer or the sap-flowing exuberance of spring. And mercifully none of the cruelty of winter.

Any advice it gives generates cautious returns – autumn will never write a cheque it cannot cash.

It’s a no-nonsense season, a middle-of-the-road place, which is neither too hot nor too cold, not too bright and not too dark.

Also, autumn is the season of new boots.

The anticipation is always thrilling, as we wait expectantly, wondering what shape ankle boots the fashion-y types will grant us this year. Clumpy and stridey? Square-heeled and sturdy?

Well, news has arrived from on high and “they” have decreed that the shape of the season is pointy toed and kitten heeled.

Exquisite versions are on offer from the likes of Prada, Tabitha Simmons, Tods and Stuart Weizsman. As you can imagine, they are all utterly delicious but the prices are prohibitive.

Which is where Marks and Spencer comes in: these nimble, light-footed bootees come in several different colours and in half-sizes, have a pretty but practical heel and are lovely and comfortable.

Another win for autumn!