Time to run from the ‘deadmill’ gym treadmill

Q: What do you have against the treadmill?

A: I've lost count of the number of people I've met who've been put off running because they tried it out in the gym on a treadmill. I don't like the machine because it gives me none of the freedom, excitement and sense of aliveness that I get from a run in the woods.

I’ve always been fond of calling it the dreadmill – on account of the fear and trepidation at being down in the bowels of a building, hidden away from the world, in an airless, windowless sweat box while my senses are assaulted from all angles . . . what’s not to love?

This is plenty bad enough, without the added humiliation and very real fear that I might lose my balance and get thrown off, if not from the machine, then certainly from my otherwise zen-like state of mind.  There’s nothing like recreating the world of a maniacal hamster stuck on its wheel and calling it a run, to kill everything I love about the sport.

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Brutal

However, it appears I am somewhat behind the grit times. I was having coffee with a friend the other day, who was training for a brutal three-mountain Alpine bike ride, and I asked him how it was going.

He told me he’d “treated” himself to a personal trainer once a week in between punching out long hilly bike rides. Sounds great, what do you get up to with your PT? I enthused. He looked somewhat pained at this point and told me that part of the routine consisted of “deadmill” reps.  I laughed, assuming I’d misheard or he’d mispronounced.  Dreadmill reps eh? I corrected.

But he was very clear that, no, he had meant “deadmill”. He looked at me, with a quizzical expression on his face as if to say, surely the doyenne of grit is familiar with such a term, indeed, was she not the very person who pioneered the technique?

Was it not the Grit Doctor who had looked upon the simple treadmill and spotted its true potential? Who saw perfectly how to grittify it?  Err, no.

I quizzed him on what precisely what was involved.  Here it is:

1.     Turn the dreadmill off.

2.     Use the handle bars to brace yourself; head down, back flat.

3.     Say a prayer.

4.     Sprint as hard as you can using your leg power to drive the belt manually forwards.

5.     Keep going for 15 to 20 seconds.

6.     Rest for 30 seconds.

7.     This, dear readers, is ONE REP.

8.     Give me 20.

9.     Oh and did I mention he has a weighty rucksack strapped to his back?

My oh my, do I love the sound of this (for him that is, not me). In fact, never was I happier than at that very moment for having handed in my gym membership in exchange for the great outdoors, now safe in the knowledge that one could not recreate these deadmill conditions outside.

Do not read this as a challenge. Until such time as I am shown otherwise, I shall bathe myself in the blissful ignorance that “deadmill” training will remain forever an indoor sport.  And celebrate my escape from ever having to experience it.

The Grit Doctor says: I will think of folks deadmilling it indoors every time I  gambol round the woods.

Sign up for one of The Irish Times' Get Running programmes (it is free!).

First, pick the programme that suits you.
- Beginner Course: This programme is an eight-week course that will take you from inactivity to being able to run 30 minutes non-stop.
- Stay On Track: The second programme is an eight-week course for those of you who can squeeze in a 30- to 40-minute run three times a week.
- 10km Course: This is an eight-week course designed for those who can comfortably run for 30 minutes and want to move up to the 10km mark.
Best of luck!