Who is likely to have a big family and what does it mean for the children growing up in them?
With five children ranging in age from 12 years to 18 months, there’s rarely a quiet moment in the O’Connell household – and that’s the way they like it.
“The house is always buzzing and is always fun and happy,” says Karen O’Connell (32), who is open to the idea of having more children. “They say you know when you’re done having babies and I don’t feel like that.”
Although people don’t say anything straight out, she knows many are surprised that she and her husband Damian (34) have five children, never mind the fact that they may have more.
She was taken aback when she went for her first doctor’s appointment on her fifth pregnancy, “and nearly the first thing she said was ‘what kind of contraception are you going to use after the baby?’”
The typical large Irish family of two generations ago has become rare; by 2011 the average number of children had fallen to just below 1.4 per family. Anything over three is considered large these days and family size tapers rapidly after that.
There were 64,248 families in the State with four or more children, according to Census 2011, but only 3,253 families with six or more children.
Just who is likely to have bigger families and what it means for the children growing up in them is examined in the latest research report analysing data from the Growing Up in Ireland (GUI) longitudinal study, which was published by UCD and the Family Support Agency
“Variation in family size is complex both in its causes and effects and its overall significance for family wellbeing is difficult to decipher,” notes the report, Family Relationships and Family Wellbeing: A Study of the Families of Nine Year Olds in Ireland, which was launched by the Minister for Children, Frances Fitzgerald, last month.
The report’s lead author is Prof Tony Fahey, of the School of Applied Social Science in UCD, who says there has been a marked change in the demographic profile of bigger families.
“One of the odd things we found was that the ones who start late are the ones who have the most children,” he says. “The later you start, the more likely your relationship is to last.”
Historically the pattern was that the working-class married young and had loads of children and the middle classes married later and, by virtue of that, had fewer children, he points out. And in Protestant Europe, in the first half of the 20th century, there was huge concern about big versus small families.
“This was driven particularly by the fear that the wrong people were having the large families – the poor, the badly educated people.
However this has all changed now that fertility control is exercised at all social levels.
“In some cases we are getting the reverse – it is the poor who have the small families because they are the ones who are lone parents. I think that is an interesting shift.”
One of the features of modern family life is the instability of the parental relationship and this report observes how that instability can cause smaller family sizes.
“Because instability has a social gradient – it occurs further down the social scale – that has had an impact on the social gradient in family sizes,” explains Fahey.
Significance of family size
Generally, births are now very concentrated between the late 20s and the mid to late 30s in women’s lives.
Of those who start motherhood earlier, about half of them do not have a partner so that causes them to have fewer children by the time they are in their mid-30s.
In the GUI study, just over half of the mothers who had their first child by the age of 20 are currently in a relationship with their nine-year-old child’s father.
But the study finds that the significance of family size for lone parents seems to differ from that for intact married couples.
The more children that separated or divorced lone parents have, the worse they get on with their former partners, while for intact married couples the opposite holds – couples who get on better with each other tend to have more children.
“It may well turn out that the decision to go ahead and have more children is partly driven by confidence that the relationship can sustain it,” says Fahey.
What growing up in a larger family means for children is not clear. Although traditionally research has found that children from larger families are slower learners, this study finds little evidence that family size or birth order affects children’s cognitive development.
When it comes to social-emotional adjustment, a link with family size seems stronger.
“The puzzle in that case is that the link is positive – children from larger families are less likely to show social-emotional problems than only children,” it comments.
However, as Fahey acknowledges, it is only as you go into late teens and early 20s that the full effect of family size is likely to be seen, so this is one for future GUI research.
What is evident, he adds, is that the educational level of the parents is the really dominant factor in outcomes for children, rather than whether or not their parents stay together.
Karen O’Connell fits a demographic category identified in the study as more likely to have a relatively large family. She is an “early start” mother who went on to have a stable relationship with her partner.
It was a huge shock for Karen to find herself pregnant with their oldest child, Mark (12), at the age of 20, when she was halfway through college. She and Damian had been going out for three years and were living in Terenure in Dublin at the time.
They had always wanted a big family – she was one of five children and he was one of six – but they thought they might start when they were in their mid-20s.
“We did everything backwards – we had the child then we had to save, we got married and built the house a few years later.”
The surprise pregnancy was a big interruption in her life and she had to move back to her mother in Co Wicklow for help with the baby. “It was hard,” she admits.
Determined to finish her degree
People felt sorry for her and thought she was going to have to give up college, which made her more determined than ever to finish her degree in retail and services management at Dublin Institute of Technology. And she did, despite a bout of post-natal depression.
She and Damian, a self-employed builder, got married the day after her 24th birthday and had their second child, Katie (seven), the following year.
“I totally changed outlook on my second baby. With the first baby nothing was going to get in the way; I wasn’t going to give up on what I had planned.”
But when she had Katie, she took extra maternity leave. “I just wanted to be at home, I loved it.” They were building their own home so she had to continue earning for a time. “But as soon as I could, I gave it up.”
Three babies – Emma (four) Aimee (three) and Dylan (18 months) – within three-and-a-half years followed. They didn’t intend to have them so close in age but it is working out quite well, she says. Although it was tough a year ago, when they had three in nappies.
“I don’t know when I last had a full night’s sleep – you just get used to not sleeping, you really do.” But the exhaustion was at its worst when she had four and was pregnant with the fifth.
School times
From September they will have one child in secondary school, two in primary school, one in play school and one at home.
With the primary school three miles away and the secondary five miles away, Karen is expecting to be on the road at 9am, noon, 2pm and 3pm each day. “I am dreading that.”
Even though they have a good bedtime routine, with the younger ones settled before 8pm and Mark at 9pm, Karen and Damien can’t relax as she does the administration work for the business in the evenings.
Most people looking at larger families just think about the hard graft and the expense involved.
But Karen says: “We are just really happy with the kids; it is a great atmosphere in the house. I am really happy in what I do – I just love it, it is as simple as that.
“That is not to say there aren’t days when I could just scream,” she stresses, anxious not to come across as some cheesy, Mary Poppins type.
“It is hard work – but everything worth doing is hard work. I am someone who always has to be busy, I hate having nothing to do . . . if that explains it.
“There are days when me and my husband are, ‘will you take him’ but at the end of the day we have great craic with them.”
'I love the bustle when all the kids are sitting around the table'
When Janet Howley had her sixth child three years ago, she was amused to find her style of parenting seemed to have come into fashion.
“It’s only taken 24 years,” she says. “I have breastfed all my children; they shared our bed until they were ready to sleep on their own; I carried them in slings, etc, etc. Attachment parenting is the new buzz word, but it is what parents have done for years without having a name for it.”
She and her husband Eugene, who have been married for 25 years and live in Youghal, Co Cork, always wanted a large family.
“I love the hustle and bustle when all the kids are sitting around the table at meal times and talking about their day.”
Although they range in age from 23 to three, she enjoys seeing how close they are and the way they look out for each other.
Jonathan, the eldest, studied mechanical engineering and is now working full-time in Clonmel, Co Tipperary. Bronwen (20) lives in the family home with her year-old-son Jonah. Benjamin (18) is studying electronic engineering in Cork Institute of Technology and travels up and down every day.
Sophie (16) is in transition year in school, while the two youngest, Isaac (10) and Elijah, are home schooled.
Most of Janet’s day is taken up with the two youngest boys now.
“We like to walk on the beach with our dog every day. I do crafts, baking and lots of learning through play with the boys.”
She reads to them every day and they take time to look after their pets – a dog, a rabbit and two guinea pigs. They are also preparing the garden for a vegetable patch.
No downsides
Once a week they meet up with other home-schooled families in the area and enjoy various outings with them.
She can’t see any downside to having a big family.
“The children always had someone to play with growing up. I always found it easier to look after a group of children and loved my children having friends over to play.”
It is a busy house, with always something going on. “We laugh a lot as a family and have a lot of fun,” says Janet.
“Each child has a different interest and it has been fun sharing their interests with them.”
When it comes to family finances, she and Eugene, who works in Boston Scientific in Cork, have always put the children first. “We feel that a happy childhood is worth more than money. You don’t need to spend a lot of money to have fun.”
She has loved every stage of her children’s development, from baby to toddlers, to becoming adults.
“The circle of life is amazing and one of the most amazing moments was catching my grandson as he entered the world,” she adds.
“When I look at my daughter with my grandson and see what an amazing mum she is, I know I did a good job.”
