If you are ever craving attention, locate a small baby and strap it to yourself

I woke up with my arse in the co-sleeper because the teeny baby was somehow taking up all of the queen size bed. Oh well, at least the bedside crib is getting some use. Even if that use means that there is now an annex to our bed whose sole purpose is to accommodate my arse.

Taking my arse out of the co-sleeper, I got up and headed out for the first time with the baba in a sling rather than in the pram and holy moly! If you are ever craving attention: locate a small baby, strap it to you and you will receive it!

Almost everyone at the very least gave us an admiring smile.

Most asked how old she was or pointed her out to whoever they were with. I enjoyed this recognition so much that in the rare instances that a passing stranger didn’t react in some way, I’d grab them by the collar and say “Excuse me, you haven’t indicated to me that you like my baby.” And then I’d get them to genuflect before allowing them to continue on.

Meitheal 21: The house in Co Tipperary that the pandemic helped to build

---

‘My nine-year-old girl is moody and I don’t like her at times’

---

Co Monaghan: one walk, one run, one hike, one swim, one cycle, one park and one outdoor gym

---

Don’t let summer run away on you: Eight tips for runners this August

---

Our in-sling destination was the park and I packed a small lunchbox of porridge oats to feed the ducks (bread isn’t good enough any more apparently). Before I put the lid on I thought: “I’ll throw in some sesame seeds too - keep their diet balanced” - and with that one thought I officially put more care and consideration into the diet of park ducks than into my own. (Though I was planning to have duck for dinner that evening so who was laughing really?) Today the ducks would feast! Not like the day my husband was out with the toddler and when caught short without tissues, used a slice of bread to wipe her running nose - a slice of bread he proceeded to feed to the poor ducks.

It would be a very difficult thing to point out to parents that they're not minding their children properly. But I have first hand experience of a woman managing it perfectly

So we get to the park this day and the park bit is fine but what about the playground? I have not yet figured out the etiquette.

What do you do when another child is trying to push past yours? Or there’s a kid not moving on from the bottom of the slide when your kid is about to come crashing down into them? Or your toddler steals someone else’s scooter?

There’s the added layer of a pandemic piled on top so when my toddler did start to steal someone’s scooter, I found myself rummaging round in my handbag and apologising to the parents: “I’ll wipe it down with alcohol” (Hand sanitiser, not my handbag gin. Good god I wouldn’t waste good handbag gin on a vector, even if she is my little vector).

It would be a very difficult thing to point out to parents that they’re not minding their children properly. But I have first hand experience of a woman managing it perfectly - diplomatically and lightheartedly telling us that she didn’t think our daughter was big enough to tackle the rope bridge that she was already in the middle of trying to do and about to fall through. In reality, we hadn’t been watching her but the good samaritan kindly followed up with a (what I’m sure was a made up) story about how her daughter also wasn’t big enough to master it and had learned the hard way.

So we relocated to the more age appropriate and fail-safe: slide.

I was complimenting the toddler as she slid down but when a kid followed immediately after her, it felt odd to stay silent for his (frankly average) sliding so I complimented him too. But then all the kids were looking at me to congratulate them on putting their arses to an angled piece of tin that conveys them to the ground with no other skill or effort on their part.

One kid wanted my attention so badly he was literally shouting “Look at me! Look at me!” I started looking around the playground, wondering if there was any obvious owner of this child. But nobody was claiming him. So I picked him up and, waving him in the air, bellowed- “CÉ LEIS É?”. No takers.

Navigating the etiquette of the return to socialising is another new one on me and I’ve noticed that it’s my small talk skills that have really suffered the most.

We headed out for a meal to the closest restaurant to the house (500m away). I wasn’t sure if I was ready to leave the baby and throughout the day, even contemplated floating the idea that we bring her with us. Sure we’ll be sitting out on a path anyway, what harm in bringing a pram? It’s hardly going to ruin the ambience of tables set up at the edge of the Phibsboro Road. In the end, I braved leaving without her. And we all survived!

Walking into the restaurant, I said to Husband “Let’s not talk about Covid, ok?”

Agreed.

So we sat down and after a silence, I started telling him how I’d flossed my teeth that day for the first time in ages and my gums were now a bit sore and - and yes I was interrupted to ask could we please please go back to talking about Covid.

Pandemic Pregnancy
Part 1: This is all getting a bit Angela's Ashes
Part 2: We got bad news at the first baby scan
Part 3: What's the oldest woman you've delivered?
Part 4: Not yet telling your colleagues about the baby
Part 5: It turns out, I do miss my husband
Part 6: Asking if the baby had magically appeared
Part 7: Apprehensive about having a second child 
Part 8: I'm living for my monthly maternity check-ups
Part 9: We decide we'll take a little holiday
Part 10: Maternity leave during lockdown has advantages
Part 11: I bat away suggestions for coping with labour
Part 12: 'Natural' is great if the birth is going well
Part 13: My baby is big, so I'm going to be induced
Part 14: I was with epidural and it was glorious
Part 15: I just wanted to sleep for 10 hours
Part 16: Sometimes I feel trapped under the baby
Part 17: Time to head back into the real world
Part 18: Our toddler has adapted far too well
Part 19: Locate a small baby and strap it to yourself
@aislingmarron