Crouching saloon, hidden mean machine

ROADTEST BMW M5:YOU NEED TO have a pretty thick skin driving around in a new supercar in the middle of a recession. Even in the leafy oases of wealth dotted across the country, green-eyed monsters lurk at every traffic light.

Car fans will salivate, but to the rest of society it’s often regarded as a shining metal two-fingered salute to the nation’s financial woes.

That’s arguably what makes BMW’s M5 the best buy for anyone with the budget to afford one. It’s the stealth supercar, a smart family saloon that can match any flash sports car. It doesn’t antagonise the proletariat, while attracting only adulation from petrolheads. And considering the taxes paid by its proud new owners, it’s the car the Troika would love to see more of us drive.

You need to be open to some seismic changes as a motoring hack. Last week, I started out in an eco-friendly full-electric Renault. The next evening I drove home in the BMW M5. It’s like going to a movie double-bill of Bambi and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

While it cloaks its ability in the smart shell of the 5-Series, the moment you hit the start button it’s clear that there’s a monster about to be unleashed. BMW may have downsized the new M5’s powertrain from the V10 of the last version to this 4.4-litre V8, but the thundering gurgle that seems to resonate from the centre of the earth leaves no one in a 500m radius in any doubt that this is no 520d.

The all-aluminium block is supported by two turbochargers, neatly packed between the cylinder banks, and kicks out an almighty 554bhp. That’s 10 per cent more than its bigger predecessor, while also managing a 30 per cent improvement in fuel consumption.

All things are relative however, for we’re still talking about an ambitious official combined figure of 9.9 L/100km (28.5mpg). The addition of turbos might seem anathema to the purity of the M5’s heritage, but times change and even the stalwarts accept technology when it works. And here it works; there’s not the slightest hint of turbo lag.

Tickle the throttle and you quickly realise it’s not just the power output that’s impressive, the torque pushes you deep into the soft ample leather seats. It puts out 680Nm; to put that in perspective, a VW Golf Gti kicks out 280Nm, while a Porsche 911 Carrera offers up 390Nm.

On paper, it’s clear that the new M5 is fast. But even these figures don’t truly reflect the incredible punch this car packs. In a week of driving, we never got the chance to kick the throttle down beyond halfway in any of the seven seamless gears – at least not without risking a day in court.

Any time we went to kick down in the lower gears, what we got was wheelspin. That’s perhaps its one errant trait; this car has seemingly more power than even it knows what to do with.

Unlike many rivals, the M Division at BMW is not driven by marketing first and engineering afterwards. This group of engineers are given licence to step outside the regular fare. So out goes the 5-Series’s new variable electro-mechanical steering, it’s active anti-roll bars and a good deal of the supposedly driver-friendly enhancements of the regular model.

Some gripe about the myriad of adjustments you can make to the car’s handling, ride and response, but even if you abandon all those and just live within its regular settings, this car will light up a passion for motoring in even the most ardent anti-car lobbyist. Once you get acquainted with its character, there’s plenty of tweaking allowed to let you play about with it.

And yet, around town, the beast can act the docile lamb when in the company of heavy traffic. A menacing gurgle now and then wards off any idiots but otherwise it’s relatively sedate.

The interior is plush enough to justify a luxury tagline. The aforementioned seats, into which you are pressed every time you flick your right foot, are supple and cosseting, well able to take an ample frame. Back-seat legroom is ideal for a family car and the boot is as enormous as it is in the regular 5-Series. This is a supercar that asks no sacrifice from family life.

If there is a fault to be found, it’s in its rather heavy steering at low speeds. You might start to grumble about the weight of the wheel as you try to loosen the grip of the expanse of Michelin rubber and redirect it in a car park. But that perhaps exemplifies nit-picking. The M5 is a majestic achievement in nearly every regard.

For those who couldn’t countenance spending €134,430 on a new car, they shouldn’t necessarily despise those that do. After all, in their own way M5 owners are doing more than their bit to bail us out of trouble.

Upon purchase they will have handed over a whopping €17,000 in VAT and a further eye-watering €44,500 in VRT tax. They then pay annual motor tax of €2,258 a year for the privilege of driving this ground-based rocket at speeds that barely takes the 4.4-litre behemoth out of idle. And that’s before they pay the exorbitant fuel taxes every time they pull into a filling station. You could say M5 owners are national heroes.

I am not in a position to make such an honourable sacrifice in the name of my nation right this moment, and probably wouldn’t sleep at night worrying about some nefarious troll stealing my motoring symbol of national pride even if I did.

But if I was on the financial gravy train, if I had a secure lock-up and if our motorways had no speed restrictions, then it would be treasonous not do my country some service and buy an M5.

FACTFILE

ENGINE4,395cc V8 twin turbo, putting out 560bhp @ 7,000pm and 680Nm of torque

PERFORMANCE0-100km/h: 4.4 seconds

OFFICIAL ECONOMY9.9 L/100km (28.5mpg)

EMISSIONS232g/km (€2,258 motor tax)

PRICE€134,430

OUR RATING9/10