Ps & Qs: coffee shop etiquette

A guide to modern manners

Whether you’re a struggling “freelancer” scrounging off the free wifi or a group of gal pals catching up after a scandalous night out, there are certain things you should know about your coffee shop behaviour. Here are a few tips to avoid aggressive eye rolls and endless sighs from your barista.

First off, the coffee shop may be your makeshift office, but it is not your living room. Taking up extra chairs for your bags and spreading your papers in "study piles" on the floor is not appropriate. Similarly use your headphones if you want to watch cat videos on YouTube and no, nobody wants to hear your rendition of Skinny Love.

Okay so you arrived early enough to get the pristine newspaper. Don’t hog it for the whole morning or shuffle it back together again with sections mixed up.

It’s great that people know where to find you – that this is your actual table – but it’s a privilege to be a regular, not an entitlement so don’t get all demanding and want endless supplies of hot milk, music you like and a fresh sliced pan opened every time for your sandwich.

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Let’s not get too palsy with the barista either. You may feel a sense of familiarity considering you spend a solid 10 hours a day hogging the couch, but asking them to mind your laptop is not on. And they don’t appreciate your obnoxious soliloquies on the merits of Ethiopian versus Colombian beans in espresso. They get it, you’ve travelled.

Finally, please brush your teeth. Death breath orders are the worst.