Block party

The absence of the shrieking sirens, thumping music and flashing lights normally associated with amusement parks makes a trip to Legoland a pleasure for kids and adults alike, writes CONN Ó MIDHEACH

LEGOLAND. Nirvana for a seven-year-old fanatic whose every gift, from birthdays to Christmas, is denominated in the brightly coloured bricks and the fiddly hats and tools that are always the first things to be lost.

On a trip like this the excitement does not begin when closing the front door of the house. It begins weeks in advance, with the marking of calendars and promises of good behaviour.

Packing bags, organising what to wear and what books can be brought is all part of it. Books and favourite toys bang up against Ryanair’s inflexible rules, and there can only be one winner.

Tadhg (the fanatic) was also incredibly proud of his home-made laminated badge, which bore his name, his parents’ numbers and the fact that he is profoundly deaf, has some sign language but can partially hear with the aid of his cochlear implant.

The implant wasn’t the only hurdle to be surmounted. He can’t go through the scanners at airports, and this was the first time he had flown since his operation.

A card explaining this was sent to us by Beaumont Hospital. At security we explained that the implant had to be treated like a pacemaker.

No problem, but he would have to be body-searched. Tadhg reacted like a veteran, taking off his outer garments and kicking off his runners without being asked.

Legoland is on the edges of Windsor Park, southwest of London and home to the eponymous castle and Horse Guards polo grounds, and beside Ascot.

It is within easy reach of Heathrow and about an hour from Gatwick. We flew into Gatwick, picked up our hired car and drove to Basingstoke, which is about 30 minutes: easy drive from nirvana.

We stayed at the Hilton Basingstoke Hotel, on the edge of the town, mainly because of its all-inclusive package of tickets for the park, BB accommodation with a kids-under-10-eat-for-free clause and an automatic 15 per cent taken off your bill for food and anything else at the end of your stay.

The hotel itself is nothing out of the ordinary, and the room was more than adequate for the four of us. The staff were out of the ordinary, however – extremely helpful and well used to taking care of families with hyperactive Lego fanatics.

The first thing we noticed about Legoland was the lack of noise. Not the lack of the sounds of happy children, punctuated by the odd meltdown, but the absence of the shrieking sirens, thumping music and flashing lights normally associated with amusement parks. Alton Towers this ain’t.

The designers understood that their clients are not jaded teenagers but small children who need no prompting to have a good time and parents who view the lack of artificial stimuli as a very good thing.

The park is divided into sections by themes. Knights’ Kingdom, Pirates’ Landing, Kingdom of the Pharaohs and Land of the Vikings are for older, more adventurous children, and have the more hair-raising rides, such as roller coasters, water rapids and a giant longboat that swings about.

The big draw of the moment is the Laser Raiders, based on the Raiders of the Lost Arkseries; it involves shooting ghouls with lasers while moving through the bowels of a pyramid.

Be warned: this ride has the biggest queue, and our inability to explain a 90-minute wait to a boy who believes that he is Indiana Jones and that he was put on this plastic-brick Earth to kill bad guys provoked the only meltdown of the trip.

We negotiated this calamity by judicious use of ice cream and a firm promise that we would return and do it the next day.

On our return, to avoid the queues, we bought a Q-bot for four. A Q-bot allows you to book a ride in advance. It tells you when to go to that ride, allows you to skip the main queue, and estimates that your waiting time is 75 per cent less than that of the normal queue. At £10 (€11.30) per person for a day, was it worth it? Hell, yes.

On the second day we went on every ride, something that would not have been possible without it. It took us 10 minutes to get on to the Laser Riders – the main queue had a one-hour wait throughout the day.

The other half of the park is for smaller children, with gentler rides such as Traffic School, where you drive cars and are presented with a driving licence. You can get a laminated one with a picture for the princely sum of £7 (€8). The same goes for Boat School.

In the imagination section you get to build Lego kits that move, or to build cars and then race them against other kids on the ramp provided. You can also see a Bob the Builderfilm in 3D with real-life special effects (water is sprayed, artificial snow falls, smoke billows) or a Lord of the Rings-type mini-epic using Lego figures.

And for the inner nerd in all of us there is Miniland, where many of the countries of Europe (but not Ireland) are depicted as Lego models. Here you can see Sacré Coeur, the London skyline, Scotland (complete with a shinty match) and can pick up interesting stats on the building process, such as that it took 11 million bricks and three weeks to build such and such. There is even Wembley, soundtracked by the tune from The Great Escape.

The only quibble is that the picnic area is a rather small and sad space, but, to be fair, the selling of fast food and Lego products is not aggressive, in keeping with the laid-back atmosphere.

Finally, parents are advised to bring a change of clothes for children, as they will get wet. Veterans we saw had brought togs and a towel.

Also bring a packed lunch and plenty of water. The fast food is expensive and not very satisfying.

Legoland is great, and the long days were set up by the fantastic breakfast at the hotel (reducing the need to buy too much in the park). Eggs cooked to order, freshly made pancakes – what’s not to like?

If you want to see what heaven looks like, bring a small boy to Legoland.

The cost

Tickets and accommodation £245.82 (€278) for Legoland tickets for four people for two days, plus three nights’ BB at a hotel.

Car hire £62.21 (€69) for the basic package for four days.

Flights €235.92 for four people with Ryanair.

Go there

Aer Lingus (aerlingus.com) flies to Heathrow from Cork, Dublin and Shannon, and to Gatwick from Cork, Dublin and Knock. Ryanair (ryanair.com) flies to Gatwick from Cork, Dublin and Shannon.