GEMMA TIPTONstays at Carton House, in Co Kildare
CARTON HOUSE, just outside Maynooth in Co Kildare, is a hotel of two halves. Driving up the long avenue – beware of the killer speed bumps – you are treated to a gorgeous view of the original great house in all its Palladian glory. But that may well be all you get to see of it. The entrance to the hotel is off to the left of the original building, and the reception desk draws you farther away, towards the new wing. You reach it along a glassed-in corridor. On a bitterly cold day, having traversed it a few times, I felt I had had plenty of exercise in the air-conditioned comfort of indoors. But that’s jumping ahead a little.
I had booked a package that offered the hotel’s promised luxury at a remarkably affordable price. But as the day of departure approached and snow still fell thickly, and as I had been recently traumatised by three hours on the M50 (two of them spent dying for a pee), I realised that I preferred to drive from Dublin to Maynooth in daylight, so I called to ask if I could switch to a Saturday night. They couldn’t have been more accommodating, and happily changed my booking, which was particularly good of them, as the hotel turned out to be almost full.
We lingered long enough in our room to discover a colour scheme of purple and brown, linen curtains instead of net, a large and comfortable bed, an odd picture on the wall that turned out to be a Perspex box of decaying rosebuds, a nice bathroom (no bathrobes) and a view of a grassy backyard, which was pretty disappointing – the view, not the room.
The hotel has four stars, but you can elect to spend extra and stay in one of the 18 suites in the old house, which are far more special.
Taking advantage of the last hours of daylight, we went for a walk. A map of the estate is available (just ask). We headed along the river, avoiding the hardy golfers, to discover Shell Cottage. Shell Cottage was built to amuse Queen Victoria when she stayed here, and Marianne Faithfull lived in it for a while. From the outside it’s not that shell-like, but inside, from peering through the windows, it is almost oppressively so. I’m surprised Faithfull stayed so long.
Back at the hotel the contemporary lobby lounge, which has a rather lovely painting by Clea van der Grijn, was jammed, so we decided to explore. It’s not immediately obvious how you get into the old house, and for a moment I thought all I’d get to see was the atmospheric cellar toilets. But we found ourselves roaming its drawing rooms, state rooms, boudoirs, snooker room and library, alone.
Shrugging off the sense that we weren’t perhaps meant to be there, we popped back to the bar to acquire a couple of glasses of prosecco and headed for one of the ornate salons to pretend to be lords and ladies. Periodically, people would appear, looking a little lost, and then disappear, so we sat there, alone, drinking in the feeling of centuries of opulence and the splendour of days long gone, and torn between wondering why no one came to join us and delighting in the fact that we had the place to ourselves.
The restaurant is in the new part of the hotel and is rather soulless. According to hotel literature, the new wing “fits seamlessly with the old”, but to my eye it does so by ignoring the original house, and effacing itself as much as possible, while still, like a visitors’ centre, trying to keep the crowds away from the fragile existing attraction.
We had booked for 9.15pm but were hungry, and, seeing empty tables, presented ourselves. The maitre d’ politely asked us to come back, as the kitchens were too busy for extra covers. So come back we did, on the dot of 9.15pm, and, whether it was the kitchens or the service, we didn’t get out until almost midnight. If you’ve ever thirstily watched a distant waitress trying to work out where to bring your bottle of wine, and then giving up, you’ll get the idea.
Dinner was fine but not great – although, at the price, thanks to our package, it was very good value.
Next morning we woke up to more falling snow, and our disappointing view became a winter wonderland. Helpful staff had printouts of the weather forecast for anxious drivers.
Breakfast done, we decided to skip a trip to the swimming pool and get on the road as soon as possible. This clever idea seems to have been shared by everyone else, to the extent that checkout resembled check-in at an airport. We waited it out in the lobby, commenting on the fact that we had spotted 10 pregnant women during our stay and not met a single Irish staff member. These things don’t actually mean anything in themselves, but they intrigued us. We also decided that Carton House was like the prosecco we had had the night before: perfectly nice but not quite the best champagne. At the price, how could we have expected it to be?
WhereCarton House, Maynooth, Co Kildare, 01-5052000, www.cartonhouse.com.
WhatFour-star hotel.
Rooms165, including 18 suites in the old house.
Best rates€110pps for bed, breakfast and dinner; €230 per adult for two-night family Easter break, including one dinner and Sunday lunch; under-fives free, five- to 12-year-olds half-price.
Child-friendlinessNo particular facilities for kids.
Access10 wheelchair-accessible rooms.
AmenitiesGolf, walks on the 450-hectare estate, swimming pool, Aveda spa, fishing, tennis and cycling.