Don’t crack up this Christmas: ditch the myth of perfection, escape the family if necessary and remember to breathe

It’s starting to feel a lot like Christmas frenzy. A seasonal to-do list that started in November just keeps getting longer. Have you bought enough batteries and breadcrumbs? What about matching Christmas onesies? Did you get a card for the lollipop lady? Does the dog need a present? Somebody shout “Stop”.

Have a ‘good enough’ Christmas

“There’s this idea that you have to have the perfect Christmas and that you have to do all these things to have the perfect Christmas,” says Christopher Place, a psychotherapist and podcaster. “Take a moment to say to yourself: It absolutely doesn’t have to be perfect,” says Place.

“We can hold ourselves to such a high standard, and I just think it’s a lot for us to deal with.”

“Perfection is an illusion. It doesn’t exist, because we are always going to find something that’s better or more perfect.” Aim for a ‘good enough’ Christmas, he advises.

How to manage ambition: Question it, create boundaries and drop the pressure

---

How to boost your home’s Ber energy rating for free

---

How to . . . prepare your child for starting secondary school

---

How to separate from your child: Check in with your own feelings first

---

But ...

So, you wanted to get your hair cut before Christmas, and get the kids’ hair cut, and get your nails done, vacuum upstairs and get the car washed -

“There can be a sense that if I don’t do all these things, something bad will happen,” says Place. “We are projecting into the future something that hasn’t happened. It’s a big precursor for anxiety. If we can just check in with ourselves and say, ‘It’s okay, I am doing enough.’ ”

[ Christmas dinner made easy: Mark Moriarty’s brined turkey crown, simple glazed ham and spiced sausage stuffing ]

Tune in

Happiness, grief, loneliness, regret, joy – Christmas is a selection box of emotions. Add in late nights, alcohol, family dramas and the responsibility of cooking a 15lb turkey – “It’s a bit dry, Maura” – and no wonder it can become a bit of an emotional powder keg.

“If you are feeling stressed, recognise and acknowledge what you are feeling,” says Place. “Process a bit what you are feeling. We don’t tend to do that very often, we just tend to keep going.

“Allow yourself to feel how you are feeling. You don’t have to put on a happy front. Talking about how you are feeling can reduce stress levels.”

Resource yourself

Christmas is an endurance race, run on a full stomach, with too little sleep and with Baileys for hydration. Resource yourself for the week with some regular self-care. Go out for walks or take some quiet time to yourself, says Place.

“Even just sit and feel the sensation of your feet against the floor, slowly becoming aware of your breath. Slow things down a bit and just take a moment to tune in to how you are really feeling, because very often we are on autopilot.”

Set boundaries

School friends, college friends, work friends, relatives, neighbours – everyone wants to meet you at Christmas.

We can feel pressure to meet, but it’s okay to say no, to pull out or take a rain check until Christmas is done, says Place. “Ask yourself, what feels okay for me. If meeting up is causing you stress, pay attention to that. It’s absolutely okay to say no.”

[ Brianna Parkins: Bin the pre-Christmas meet-up – and these other festive atrocities ]

Navigate family dynamics

It may have been a while since you’ve shared an entire day with your family. Beware of old dynamics.

“We can regress; it’s like we are suddenly teenagers again,” says Place.

“Old family scripts can get rehearsed. That’s just what happens in families. We know what buttons to press, we know how to wind each other up, we’ve spent our whole lives perfecting it.”

“If you’re finding it’s just too much for you, remove yourself. Take a moment. Focus on your breath for a minute.”

“Leave the table, go upstairs or spend an enormous amount of time in the loo,” he says.

Reflect

Christmas can be a useful opportunity to reflect.

“Carl Jung saw Christmas as a transition stage between the end of the year and a new beginning,” says Place. “It’s a time to look back and look forward. Jung saw it as a really important time psychologically where we can just take a moment to reflect on our lives.”

We just need to give ourselves the time to do it.