‘There’s two mums in this house, so Mother’s Day means a whole lot to us’

The cards have been written, the flowers bought and an expectation hangs in the air that mothers everywhere might feel, at least some small degree of appreciation this Mother’s Day, for all that being mum entails.

To celebrate this most special of Sundays, we asked some mammies about motherhood, and Mother’s Day itself, to find out what it all means to them.

Motherhood means “a huge amount” to Newstalk presenter and mother of four, Ciara Kelly, though she admits it “wasn’t really a goal” for her. “I must say I found the beginning bit of it, back twenty-something years ago, very challenging. But over time . . . it became pretty much the best of me. The four of them are, without even any close-run contest, the most important people in my life.

“It [motherhood] did shape me. It allowed me to understand vulnerability. It allowed me to love unconditionally. It showed me something better than I ever knew existed. I think it created the arc of my life to some extent.

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“It completely changed me,” says Kelly. “I think when I was young, before I had kids, and I had my first one in my 20s . . . I think I was a more guarded version of myself than I am now.

“I learned to be much less selfish and much less self-centred.”

“It’s an unconditional love, like literally there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them.”

Mother’s Day itself, however, “doesn’t mean that much truthfully”, she says. “My mum has passed away, so I don’t have that end of it to deal with as the daughter. My kids do tend to mark it. And if they didn’t, would I be a little bit hurt? Maybe, but not that much. They’re good to me all year round in fairness.”

Kelly’s eldest child, Oisín, is in Australia. “We’ll probably talk. We talk most Sundays. Nothing to do with Mother’s Day. He may not even know it’s Mother’s Day here. I will miss him, but I miss him every day. Mother’s Day, I don’t know that it will make me miss him more.”

What motherhood means to comedian and mother of three Emma Doran, really “depends on what day you’re asking”, she says drily.

“At the moment I’m upstairs, I’m on the phone to you. I’m on my own, so I’m very positive about it right now. But that could all change in 10 minutes’ time when I go downstairs and I know I actually have to go out and get dogfood,” she says.

“It definitely is the biggest part of my life, the most important part of my life, the most rewarding part of my life. But it is all consuming, all of the time.” “It’s all meshed in with all other aspects of your life – even the parts that aren’t motherhood.”

Doran, who first became a mother when she was 18, says motherhood gave her “focus” and “drive”.

“I feel I’m only now getting a proper handle on it, in terms of trying to push the guilt to one side and not maybe running myself ragged. I’m only really grasping the concept that it might be a good idea if I looked after myself, just a small bit.

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“The person who I would have spoken to motherhood the most about would have been my own mother. It’s just that realisation I have to do it differently than her. Most of her generation would have been at home full-time and the parent roles would’ve been very clearly defined. You want to try and replicate the mother that you had but it’s totally impossible in the society and economy we live in now. And I wouldn’t want it either, so there’s a bit of battling.

“My youngest is nine, my eldest is 21 in May and I’m only now [grasping it]. It’s kind of like that thing, I feel like I’m just about grasping my own periods, and sure they’ll be winding down soon,” she says.

On Mother’s Day, Doran will make sure to see her own mother, but otherwise the day itself “won’t mean too much”. “I do like the handmade cards,” she says.

“I didn’t even know that,” TV presenter and mother of three Emer O’Neill says when I mention Sunday is Mother’s Day. “It’s just another day, to be honest. I think it’s lovely to get the little hand-drawn cards and the flower that was picked on the way home from school. But really, we should have mother’s month, rather than just the day,” she says, laughing. “For my own mum, it’s a day to thank her for all she’s done for me.”

Motherhood “keeps me ticking”. “My kids are my everything. I grew up in a single-parent family. I was an only child until I was 14. I always wanted a big family and a busy home.

“I always even knew when I was young that I wanted to kids. I actually had a player-card in the [United] States, when I was playing basketball. And they ask you loads of questions about yourself and one of them was ‘what do you want when you grow up’, and mine was to have a family, have children.

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“It’s a scary responsibility,” she continues. “Now that I sit back and I have three, I definitely have moments of ‘what the hell was I thinking?’ And ‘am I qualified enough for this because I have no idea what I’m doing’.

“You’re not just an individual any more. Everything that’s mulling over in your mind every day, is about them.”

Motherhood offers the opportunity for reflection, O’Neill believes. “You think of the ways that you were parented, the things that are positives you want to take, and some stuff you might want to leave behind. And what kind of a child you want to raise.”

When marketing professional, activist and civil celebrant Ranae von Meding and her wife Audrey Rooney got together “almost immediately we agreed on the fact that we were going to have kids”, says von Meding. The couple have three children, with the most recent addition to their family, Ali, arriving five weeks ago.

“My personality is that I knew I would be a mother one way or the other, whether it was IVF, or adoption or fostering,” she says. “It’s the thing that I’m most proud of. If I had to sacrifice everything else that I am, and obviously I’m many other things besides a mother, that’s what I would keep.

Mother’s Day is a celebration of all the things that encompass motherhood – loss, laughter, joy, pain, achievement, happiness, sadness

—  Ranae von Meding

“Becoming a mother has made me realise I’m so much stronger and more resilient than I ever thought possible.”

Mother’s Day is particularly special and poignant for von Meding, who miscarried last year. “It was March 16th last year that we lost our little baby. My wife and I got married on Mother’s Day and obviously there’s two mums in the house, so Mother’s Day means a whole lot to us.

“Our girls are in school now. They think it’s so fun because they obviously make cards with the rest of their classmates. And while the majority of their classmates are making cards for one, they get to make them for two. And they think that’s really special.

“Mother’s Day is a celebration of all the things that encompass motherhood – loss, laughter, joy, pain, achievement, happiness, sadness,” says von Meding. “It’s all the things that make us mothers. A celebration of that. Even though every day is Mother’s Day for us.”

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