'For me, my marriage made in hell hid a gorgeous gift: the opportunity to live a marriage made in heaven' Former Brookside actress Marie Murphy Douglas is no stranger to drama, on or off the screen. She tells Kathryn Holmquist how she and her husband put their marriage back together after it fell apart.

Performing a lesbian kiss in front of an audience of millions is an experience that tends to follow you around. So most people will remember Marie Murphy Douglas as the college lecturer who seduced and kissed actress Anna Friel, who played Beth, in Brookside 10 years ago.

An accomplished classical actress, Marie kissed Anna because she needed the money and the profile and has never regretted it.

Now aged 45 and living in Co Clare with her husband and two children, Marie is as controversial as ever. Her latest role is as a parent who is determined to help other parents save their marriages, not just in their own interests but also in the interests of their children..

Three years ago, Marie slammed "the chic blue door" on her "chic marital home", and her "not-so-chic marriage". She stuffed her two-year-old daughter, clothes, books, and toys into the car for a quick getaway, with Nellie the Elephant playing on the car cassette player. It was February 14th, so Marie - with her innate sense of theatre - could not resist leaving a note on the kitchen table, penned in ironic pink, which read: "Valentine, I have left you!"

A month later, words like division of assets, custody and maintenance brought home the reality of what Marie had done. She was not feeling the relief or liberation she had expected. The break-up of her family was a disaster and somewhere, deep inside, she knew that she was at least partly responsible. As a parent, she wanted both a mother and a father for her child, yet she also wanted mother and father who could get along happily.

She started searching for help and came across a programme called "Psychology of Vision". She wondered if they were "weirdos" or a "cult", but liked their message, which was "Say yes to life!". Psychology of Vision, it turns out, is run by perfectly normal psychologists and is not a cult, much to Marie's relief.

On a weekend course, Marie learned that her marriage had failed partly because she was a "control freak" who insisted on her husband behaving the way she wanted him to. As an eldest child in a troubled family, Marie had been both the family hero and the family victim. So as an adult, she was programmed to be a rescuer who kept things ticking over by keeping everyone in line. Yet deep inside, the victimised little girl was always feeling hurt. It was an impossible combination for anyone to have to live with.

By the end of the last day of the workshop, Marie realised that she had been locked in a power struggle with her husband. She saw their relationship from a different angle and when she arrived home, gave her husband a hug with the words: "I love you".

Her husband, understandably, hadn't a clue of the change in attitude that had been wrought and muttered something about a dinner engagement. But a few weeks later, after several conversations, he began to see that his wife had changed utterly. So he decided to take the course and see for himself, gaining his own insights into his own role in the marriage breakdown.

Two years later, Marie and her husband are back together and have a 10-month-old son. Their relationship is completely different because they've both let go of struggling for power and learned to see each other for the vulnerable, loving people they really are.

Fortunately, taking the blinkers off has meant that they love each other even more now that they have compassion for each other. "My whole world is changed," says Marie. "My partner and I answered the wake-up call to to listen to our hearts' desires, and to have the courage to accept our purpose, to dive deep into our darkest depths to scoop up the pearls of our intuition, creativity, power, sexuality, leadership, healing, and love.

"For me, my marriage made in hell hid a gorgeous gift: the opportunity to live a marriage made in heaven," says Marie, with customary theatricality.

In other words, don't say goodbye until you know it's really over.

Marie Murphy Douglas is happy to answer queries about the Psychology of Vision workshop in Ireland which will take place in Co Clare on December 13th to 15th. Tel: (061) 925285. E-mail: visioneire@hotmail.com