Looking for a bit of common decency

Radio Review:Didn't get to hear any radio this week? Lucky you. Nothing much on, nothing new anyway, all very lacklustre in a going-through-the-motions sort of way.

So I really must stay tuned this morning after my favourite Saturday listen, the much underrated and unlistened to World Report (RTÉ Radio 1), to hear Playback to find out what Fiona Kelly (standing in for Ruth Buchanan) comes up with. I don't envy her task in trying to winkle out an hour's worth of this week's radio that merits re-broadcasting.

Playback is still one of the most listened-to programmes across all radio stations, proving how interested listeners are in catching up with things they might otherwise have missed - it can't be to hear Buchanan's occasional bursts of song or her chatting about her dogs. This week has to be one of those dud ones where it's tricky to fill the programme - in recent grim weeks Buchanan has tended to pad it out with multiple excerpts from Nob Nation, which is a sure sign of blind desperation, there being no other reason.

The airwaves were, of course, dominated by coverage of the Labour Party motion of no confidence in Mary Harney - but, as the vote was a foregone conclusion, it was pedestrian stuff. Though independent TD Finian McGrath's bullishness at the start of the week (Morning Ireland, RTÉ Radio 1, Monday) would be worth replaying, as would any post spine-ectomy interview he gives.

EVEN TYPICAL LIVELINE items that should have been a bit of fun sounded dull, such as the Castleknock bloke who phoned in to complain about his less-than-fine-dining experience in the new, much-hyped Gordon Ramsay restaurant in Powerscourt (RTÉ Radio 1, Wednesday). The bill came to €280. "Did that include service charge?" asked Joe. "Eh yes, and the tip."

No one had the energy to wonder what kind of gobdaw pays not only the bill but the service charge and then leaves a tip after a meal that was so rubbish he felt compelled to tell the nation about it. I liked this paper's restaurant reviewer Tom Doorley's suggestion that he send the manager a bill for the unpleasantness of the experience. Though on second thoughts, if we were all to start that, where would it end?

PLAYBACK, OBVIOUSLY ENOUGH, can only include RTÉ programmes, which is a pity because a couple of excerpts from Matt Cooper's The Last Word (Today FM, Monday - Friday) would liven up proceedings immensely. I missed the introduction to his interview with local politician Maurice Hickey (Wednesday) so didn't realise for a while that it was a spoof - it was Pat Shortt, in character, publicising his new book, I Will In Me Politics. Though in my defence, Cooper did manage to keep a straight face (just) despite the verbal avalanche of cute hoor gombeenisms Shortt dished up, and I had watched the shocking Prime Time Investigates programme on Monday about county councillors and their "if there isn't a hill on it, it can be rezoned" attitude to development, so this "Maurice Hickey" sounded depressingly authentic. But that's the genius of Pat Shortt.

On Tuesday, Cooper started his programme with an interview with anti-pornography campaigner Mary Doherty, whose antennae are so finely tuned my guess is she could see porn in an uncovered piano leg. Cooper gave her space to fully vent her opinion that pornography is being rammed down our throats at every turn - in the media (of course), in the pubs in Donegal (!), everywhere. She is, she said, standing up for "decency" - though when asked by Cooper for her definition of decency she fell back on the old, pursed-lipped "if you don't know what decency is, I'm not going to tell you" response.

It was a worthwhile question because Doherty was busy losing potential supporters to her cause by labelling everything flesh-coloured as porn. One of her targets are those PR photos of scantily-clad models, usually standing in the freezing outdoors beside a gormless looking, suited-up executive - taken in the hope of snagging a few column inches to flog something or other. Most of us are too busy thinking that the girl would be better off in a cosy vest and eating a nice big dinner and wondering why the Irish PR industry still falls back on such corny stunts - or do I need my porn antennae retuned?