Chaos in chamber as everyone wants to know - 'where's Willie?'

“WHERE’S Willie?” That’s what everyone wanted to know in Leinster House yesterday.

A man overboard always makes the deputies giddy.

Fianna Fáil had a TD suspended by teatime. Mattie McGrath indulged in some grandstanding. The Ceann Comhairle went ballistic. James Bannon looked distraught because he couldn’t go bonkers over the Mullingar barracks.

Eamon Gilmore had a face like thunder. His deputies roared from the high moral ground. John Lyons, on their behalf, tweeted in anguish as a Fianna Fáil deputy tried every trick in the book to get himself booted out.

“The media are worse if they play to the tune of deputy Fleming and report his silly antics,” tweeted John, thereby alerting all those journalists who didn’t know about Seán Fleming’s histrionics.

“Sit down and shut up and have a sense of decorum,” bellowed his colleague Aodhán Ó Ríordáin, as the Fianna Fáilers caused havoc.

Fine Gael’s backbench bootboys happily added to the din – it wasn’t their guy causing Coalition trouble this time.

Gerry Adams smirked. Joe Higgins invoked the name of Oliver Cromwell. Micheál Martin clutched his chest. (Bad cough.) Enda Kenny, assailed at length in the chamber during one of the suspensions by a traumatised Bannon, ran off for a cup of tea.

Things were so different when James was in opposition, when he regularly went bonkers over the local barracks. Bannon’s combustion sessions were a magnificent highlight of the last Dáil. It was delightfully mad in the chamber yesterday afternoon.

All because of Willie Penrose.

He signalled yesterday morning that he would resign his ministerial post if the Cabinet proceeded with its plan to close Mullingar barracks.

By lunchtime it looked certain that Labour’s super junior was going to climb down from his highchair and relinquish his job as housing minister.

People wanted to know his whereabouts for a variety of reasons. The Opposition wanted to gloat. The media wanted to find out why he felt he had no option but to resign. And his Labour colleagues wanted to know where it might leave them in the promotion stakes.

It was a long meeting. By early afternoon, it was confirmed that Willie had duly flounced, but there was no sign of the flouncee.

Official confirmation finally arrived in mid-afternoon, during Leaders’ Questions.

Tails were up on the Opposition side. The Ceann Comhairle had difficulty keeping order.

Joe Higgins needled Enda over the decision to close four regional Army barracks. There was no sign of Eamon Gilmore.

As noise levels rose – the backbench bootboys laid into Fianna Fáil and the Independents, having decided attack is the best form of defence – Seán Barrett lost his patience. He also seemed to have lost the use of his bell.

Instead of giving it a wallop, he let out an unmerciful roar. “Deputies!” Everyone stopped shouting, they got such a fright.

“You’ve lost a soldier of some rank today, Taoiseach,” observed Joe, as he mused about Oliver Cromwell.

Enda said “the evacuation” of the barracks was being carried out as part of a “consolidation” exercise recommended by the Defence Forces.

Joe tried to continue with his question as insults were traded across the floor.

Then word came Willie was about to give a press conference on the plinth. There was a stampede out of the press gallery where the now Deputy Penrose held forth. He really loved his job as housing minister. “This is where I really wanted to be.” However, he had to stay true to his principles, it’s how his parents reared him. As far as he saw it, the decision to close the barracks did not make financial sense.

He was asked if resigning over his local barracks was an example of parish pump politics.

“For anyone who says this is a kind of parochial decision, they don’t know me.” But is his resignation not a major blow for his party and the Coalition. Willie laughed. “Major blow? Sure I’m only a junior minister with responsibilities who sits at the Cabinet.” Only a super junior. Try telling that to the candidates lining up to take the job.

No. He is a man of principle and he was going on a point of principle. He produced his phone and showed all the text messages of support. One was from his 19-year-old daughter Niamh. “Fair play Da, ur dead right!!! Stand up for what you believe in.”

Back in the house, the Opposition went on a spree. Seán Fleming wanted to talk about the closure of a medical facility for old people in his constituency. He refused to sit down. Then Mattie McGrath hollered about the barracks.

The Ceann Comhairle suspended the House three times.

Eventually, Seán left.

Leaving Mary Mitchell O’Connor to talk about Booterstown Marsh. Enda had already gone for his tea. Eventually, people drifted off to watch the match.

He’s meeting Angela Merkel today. And we’re all off to Europe too – next summer, for the football.