'Elf esteem' of Gilmore's little helpers takes a hammering

DÁIL SKETCH:"I BEG your pardon," sniffs Enda.

“I never promised you a rose garden. You’ll have to see Eamon about that.” Wherever he is.

And with that, the Taoiseach took out a big bargepole and ever so gently nudged the Labour Party up the creek. But in a very supportive and collegiate way.

Although it must be said he sounded like he was taking pleasure in the exercise. Which only served to make his Coalition colleagues look even more disgusted.

The Tánaiste was nowhere to be seen. Probably still resting up after the general election, when he went mad in the final week and said Labour would definitely not be implementing the sort of cuts proposed by Fine Gael.

In fairness, Eamon wasn’t in the whole of his health at the time, what with the shock implosion of the “Gilmore for Taoiseach” campaign and the dawning realisation that if he didn’t do something drastic, Fine Gael might leave him for dead with an overall majority.

Hence the sudden rash of promises on a variety of issues including tax cuts, student fees and social welfare benefits.

The red line issues. All a bit embarrassing for Labour now.

Yesterday, as the Taoiseach pushed the party up the creek by cheerily agreeing they had, indeed, made big promises before the election, at least he knew he wasn’t casting them adrift entirely. This is because Labour has plenty of paddles, which they are furiously working at the moment as they row back on their campaign extravagances.

They don’t need reminding of this, though.

Joe Higgins feels they do. During Leaders’ Questions he was most concerned for the welfare of Eamon Gilmore’s “Little Elves”. Those idealistic young Labour TDs who coasted into the Dáil on waves of high-minded rhetoric and promises they could never hope to keep.

He urged the Taoiseach to honour the assurances Labour peddled to voters at the height of their election frenzy. Don’t cut the children’s allowance money or do away with university fees in the budget, suggested Joe.

“Make an honest man of Deputy Gilmore” he pleaded. And while you’re at it, do the same for Joan Burton, the Minister for Social Protection, and all of Labour’s lovely “little elves” looking pale and wan on the backbenches.

Enda wasn’t going to do that. Instead, he rolled up Eamon’s “red line” and kicked it away.

Here’s how he put it, as Labour deputies grimaced: “The Tánaiste was completely honest in his pronouncements prior to the election . . . Deputy Higgins quoted correctly from Labour Party policy prior to the general election. That is correct and there is no dishonesty in that regard.”

So, you see, they were right at the time . . . However, once negotiations began on the joint programme for government, all bets were off. Labour had to row back on their promises and row in behind Fine Gael.

At least that’s how Enda sees it.

“The Labour Party is entirely honest and the people the deputy mentioned in that party are truthful and now operating under a programme for government to deal with the reality of the situation,” explained the Taoiseach, to the mortification of the Tánaiste’s Little Elves.

Sinn Féin’s Gerry Adams and Mary Lou McDonald fell around the place laughing at Enda’s blithe dismissal of Labour’s election promises.

Joe Higgins was very pleased with himself. He loves to embarrass Labour.

“Ho, Ho, it’s Joe” came a wry snort from their embattled quarter.

Enda called him “a benign parliamentary terrorist”. Whereupon Comrade Joe died and went to heaven.

Micheál Martin must have had an extra egg for breakfast. He got stuck into Enda over his Cabinet’s bout of pre-budget kite-flying.

In a combination of market research and what the experts call “expectation management”, the Government has been dropping copious hints about possible budget measures.

Micheál is not amused. “The Taoiseach and his Ministers are involved in a deeply cynical practice of raising all sorts of issues – frightening the living daylights out of people”, then saying nothing has been finalised.

“Who are ya codding?” He then asked for a debate on the future of community nursing units for the elderly.

In reply, Enda delved into Fianna Fáil’s past, which, unlike his Government’s election promises, is not a foreign country.

“You should be ashamed of yourself,” he told a startled Micheál.

“I had the opportunity to open a small, two-teacher school recently, which cost €1 million. Before saying a few words, I realised that we could build 3,000 of those every year for 10 years with what you did in the middle of the night.” He was on a roll, spotting some children in the public gallery.

“What you and your party have inflicted on those young people in the Visitors’ Gallery will last for the next generation,” he quivered. The delighted children waved.

Then he accused the leader of the Opposition of casting aspersions on his commitment to people in community hospitals. “I respect Deputy Martin and it ill-behoves him.”

Micheál was baffled.

“What does it ill-behove?”

As for the Little Labour Elves, all they could do was ill-behave.