Fornication and flute talk takes madness up an octave

BETWEEN FORNICATION and flutes and an outbreak of petty name-calling, there was a slight air of madness about the Dáil Chamber on Thursday.

Michelle Mulherin (FG Mayo) gave the media palpitations during the debate on abortion legislation when she quivered about “fornication” in the course of an ironically impenetrable speech.

It’s amazing what one little word can do.

Fornication has landed Deputy Mulherin a guest spot on tonight’s Saturday Night Show on RTÉ One with Brendan O’Connor. Her colleagues will be livid.

Then Joe Higgins took Percy French on a complicated flight of fancy, straining his metaphor along with poor Phil the Fluter’s Ball.

Phil the Minister, mused Joe, might have more luck raising money if he became Phil the Fluter and played a few tunes, passing Michael Healy-Rae’s cap around afterwards.

“There’s only one flute in here and we’re looking at it,” said Fine Gael backbencher Patrick O’Donovan.

Earlier it was the turn of Deputy Higgins to get personal.

He retaliated after Pat Rabbitte skewered Richard Boyd-Barrett with a waspish: “Just because you’ve a double-barrelled name doesn’t mean you can ask two questions.”

In the ensuing uproar, Joe’s ripping riposte to Pat began: “Just because you’ve a double chin doesn’t mean . . .”

Unfortunately the ending got lost in the din.

Mr Rabbitte was in a very snippy mood. He fired a very pointed barb at Mary Lou McDonald when she took the Government to task over its proposals to cut lone-parent’s allowance.

“Such tanned indignation,” meowed Pat, looking across at her.

Sinn Féin’s Angel of Austerity returned to the Dáil after the Easter recess sporting a very deep suntan, hence the application of sarcasm.

Why couldn’t he have just been pleased for thrifty Mary Lou?

Isn’t it great to know that some people on the average industrial wage can still manage to get away for a nice Easter break in the sunshine?