Gormley waltzes in and put on the writs, after much foot-dragging

DÁIL SKETCH:IF YOU'RE Blue and you don't know when the vote's due, Why don't you go where the Dáil sits, Puttin' on the Writs . . .

As it turned out yesterday evening, it wasn’t necessary for Enda Kenny to glide into the chamber and move the writs for the Dublin South and Dublin Central byelections. The Minister for the Environment waltzed in and did it for him.

Not that John Gormley got much thanks. After months of foot-dragging by the Government on delivering a date for polling day, the Opposition greeted his announcement with the utmost bad grace. This will not have bothered the Green Party leader in the slightest. When a Green Minister makes a statement to the Dáil, it is presented in the manner of one who is bestowing a most wonderful and improving gift upon the political unwashed.

(Coalition partners most definitely included.)

It became clear that John was going to say something significant when, apart from Seán Power of Fianna Fáil, the only other deputies on the Government side where of the Green persuasion.

In the interests of accuracy, the Government chief whip was also present. Which boosted the FF contingent to a healthy two.

However, Pat “Scary” Carey was only in the chamber for safety reasons. Earlier in the day, Scary cracked the whip and demanded mandatory attendance at all votes.

This meant that deputies and Ministers who might have been attending engagements away from Leinster House were told to remain at base.

This in a week when the Punchestown Festival is on.

Some Ministers had to return from abroad, while Justice Minister Dermot Ahern was unable to travel to Killarney to address the annual meeting of the Garda Representative Association. A merciful release for both parties, in fairness.

The only member of cabinet who was not recalled was Tánaiste Mary Coughlan. For some reason, this fact caused deputies from all sides to laugh when it was mentioned in conversation.

But it meant that a badly limping Bertie Ahern had to haul his banjaxed ligaments up the steps to the chamber when a vote was called. He gave up the ghost early on, particularly as the numbers on his side were so healthy.

You have to admire the stamina of the former taoiseach, though, who returned to Ireland on Sunday after a whirlwind trip to Nigeria where he was guest speaker at the first “South-South Regional Economic Summit” at the Tinapa Business and Leisure Centre, Calabar.

He spoke on the “turnaround” of the Irish economy and outlined how the Northern Ireland peace process might be used as a model to solve the current unpleasantness in the Niger Delta.

Where does he get the energy from, and him a deputy for Dublin Central too, a constituency with a vacant seat since the death of Tony Gregory four months ago?

He rested in the Oireachtas restaurant yesterday, enjoying a restorative cup of tea. He probably didn’t feel the heat like everyone else, what with being just back from the Niger Delta.

Everyone else though was perspiring over their sausage and chips, now that the Office of Public Works has decided to turn off the air conditioning in the canteen from 6pm to save costs.

But back to Puttin’ on the Writs, when Inda came over all Rumpole of the Baily in the House as the Ceann Comhairle gave his interpretation of the rules relating to moving writs. If Indakinny’s call to get on with the byelections was defeated in a Dáil vote, he wouldn’t be able to return to the issue for another 10 weeks.

After which, presumably, the Government would finally have to bite the bullet and get savaged at the polls.

In making the announcement yesterday, following the intervention of the Opposition yet again, it made the Government appear to be reacting to events, instead of setting the agenda.

After Mr Gormley did what they wanted him to do, Enda stopped Puttin’ on the Writs and agreed not to put the issue to a vote.

Not that this will have been of any concern to Mary Coughlan, the only minister with a free pass from Leinster House. She is the Persian Gulf on a trade mission, so didn’t have to listen to Eamon Gilmore and Brian Cowen arguing over her political virtue.