DÁIL SKETCH:Eamon and Enda wax lyrical about property tax but Queen routine consumes Taoiseach

BRIAN COWEN is a multi- talented vocalist. He doesn’t just belt out ballads from the back of a truck in Offaly, you know.

He’s fond of the glam rock too.

It might explain why he seemed a little detached in the Dáil yesterday morning. While Enda and Eamon were banging on about property tax and bank loans, Biffo was busy rehearsing his latest party piece in his head.

You see, there wasn’t much time. As soon as he could escape, he was away to London to perform for David Cameron.

The Taoiseach so wanted to make a good impression.

Alright, he mightn’t have the build, or the teeth, or the trousers, but come the afternoon, Biffo was going to unleash his Freddie Mercury tribute on a handpicked audience in Downing Street.

The historic moment would mark the culmination of years of planning. Decades, in fact. Indeed, there are some who would argue that it took 800 years of oppression and the entire Wolfe Tones back catalogue to reach this point. As it turned out, Biffo’s performance was a showstopper: a milestone in Anglo-Irish relations. His stirring treatment

of Hibernian Rhapsody by Queen was destined for all the front pages.

And then back to Dublin to make a big speech in the Mansion House to the black-tied business types from Ibec. (We hear the Ibec boys gave him the sort of rapturous reception that would have put Freddie Mercury in the ha’penny place.) It’s all go and nice announcements this week.

Anybody would think there’s an opinion poll in the offing. Never mind a visit by Queen Elizabeth.

That’s scheduled for the end of next year, which means Cowen will have to hang on in office if he wants to show her around Tullamore, Clara and Ferbane. Otherwise, that pleasant duty may fall to Enda Kenny, who would undoubtedly whisk HRH off to Westport and Matt Molloy’s pub.

This is all very fine, but the last time a Fine Gael taoiseach was put in charge of a senior member of the British royal family he got rather carried away. It’s 15 years since Prince Charles paid an official visit here and a visibly moved John Bruton told his guest at a banquet in Dublin Castle that it was the happiest day of his life.

Could Enda handle the emotion if the Queen pitched up in Kiltimagh? Then there’s the visit of Obama to one of his ancestral homeplaces in Moneygall. Biffo will have to be around for that one too.

No wonder he doesn’t want to hold the byelections under any circumstances. For the sake of Her Majesty and President Obama, he must remain in office.

So yet again in the Dáil, while Cowen was in the government jet on his way to meet prime minister Cameron, his chief whip John Curran was making yet more ridiculous excuses as to why the outstanding byelections cannot possibly take place.

The Government believes the time is not right, what with “the significant economic challenges the country faces” and the fact that “the Government and the House are in the middle of an extremely busy legislative programme”.

Eamon pointed out, not unreasonably, that if the byelection is called now, the vote will take place during the summer recess, with no legislative programme to get in the way.

John ignored him.

So many commemorations, so little time leading up to 1916. There was a discussion about the commemorating of the shared history of Ireland during Taoiseach’s questions yesterday. Michael D was very taken by Biffo’s recent speech on the subject to the Institute for British Irish studies. “It has a few rhetorical flourishes” he said with a wicked smile, while welcoming its content.

It is through commemoration, the Taoiseach had warbled, that “we can banish that ‘giant albatross’ of history from around our necks and replace it with a garland of hope for our better future.” Maybe that’s the gift he brought to David Cameron yesterday.

A garland of hope.

That, and an extraordinary rendition of Hibernian Rhapsody.