Miriam Lord: New chief whip rides off into the sunrise

Nobody can accuse the new Government chief whip of not having the stamina for the job. Regina Doherty had a whirlwind 24 hours after Enda Kenny appointed her to take over from Wexford’s Paul Kehoe, who now becomes one of two “super junior” ministers allowed to sit at the Cabinet table in a high chair.

It was a long day in Leinster House for those politicians hoping for preferment – they had to wait until late afternoon before getting news. But at least they got a result. We hear that the many anxious backbenchers lusting after junior ministerial positions won’t be put out of their misery until Thursday.

No such worry now for Regina. Her husband, Declan, and parents, Paddy and Maria, were in the Dáil last Friday evening to see her enter the chamber with Enda’s new Cabinet. Some hours later the freshly minted Ministers left for Áras an Uachtaráin to receive their seals of office from the President.

Most headed off afterwards for a few drinks with their families. The Taoiseach, in much improved spirits, was cheered to the rafters by Fine Gael staff and supporters when he arrived at a packed Gingerman pub at about midnight to join his wife Fionnuala. Meanwhile, Regina drove her family back home to Meath, getting to bed at 2am. She set the alarm for 3.30am and was up and out well before dawn for a brisk 5km walk around Fairyhouse racecourse as part of a Darkness into Light fundraiser for Pieta House. The youngest three of her four children walked with her.

After a breakfast roll in a local cafe, she had a quick forty winks before heading to Ashbourne to officiate at the 10.30am start of the wonderfully named Ireland’s International Female Ride Day 2016. The Meath East TD wore a purple tutu as she waved off hundreds of similarly attired women bikers from all over Ireland, England and Scotland on the first stage of their rally. Alan Tobin, mayor for the Ashbourne district, posed with his FG colleague on one of the motorbikes. “That was the day before he went viral,” said Regina.

Tobin caused uproar on social media on Monday after he shared a picture of new signs in the county warning the public about “dangerous” breeds of dogs. The councillor posted on Facebook that, as a dog owner, he was delighted to see the notices. “It still amazes me that some people think these dogs are ideal family pets.” The post attracted more than 150,000 comments, some threatening, most from people furious on behalf of the dog breeds featured on the sign.

Next stop for Doherty was Lansdowne Road and the game between Leinster and Treviso, where her son Ryan (12) played with Ratoath RFC in the interval exhibition game. “When we got home that evening, my husband suggested we might go out for a pint,” recalls the chief whip. “‘Pint?’ I said. ‘I can’t even speak at this stage.’”

Ringing the changes

It’s funny how somebody who has spent their entire political career in Leinster House shamelessly fibbing about not possessing a mobile phone can suddenly produce one in public when the Taoiseach is calling with the offer of a Cabinet seat.

Shane Ross has always insisted to journalists that he doesn’t possess a mobile phone. So naturally, he could never furnish them with a number when they asked. Instead, they could ring his Leinster House office where his wonderfully efficient man would pass on a message. Alternatively, they could try his home phone and his wife might answer.

Of course, nobody ever believed his story about the mobile, particularly as his number was listed on a London-based financial website.

Shane, South Dublin’s Lord Winston Churchtown, was so chuffed when Enda rang with news of a ministry he couldn’t help blabbing the news to RTÉ’s Martina Fitzgerald, who happened to be interviewing him at the time. So before he even made it to the chamber for the official announcement, Winston had already breached the Cabinet confidentiality rule and earned himself a ticking off from a senior civil servant.

Although we’re sure the Taoiseach didn’t have him in mind when he decided to ban all mobile phones from the Cabinet room for the new administration’s first full meeting. In fact, he has decreed that phones must be left outside from now on. How will Leo cope?

As the Ministers went in on Wednesday, they were each instructed to place their mobiles on a table outside the Cabinet room. A yellow post-it note bearing the name of the owner was affixed to each instrument, and if necessary, an official custodian was on hand to relay urgent messages to the relevant Minister.

The heartbroken pol corrs didn’t mourn for long. Texting under the table may be a thing of the past, but there’s nothing to stop Ministers from leaking afterwards. Meanwhile, the first-time incumbents are busy building up their staff.

The news that Minister for Jobs Mary Mitchell O’Connor, appointed former TV3 anchor Alan Cantwell as her press spokesman came as something of a surprise, leading some to comment that the new Minister for Health, Simon Harris, was thinking of hiring TV3’s Martin King as his tribune.

When all the happy office holders settled into their jobs, Charlie Flanagan, who stays on as Minister for Foreign Affairs, definitely had to be the happiest. Although he looked very worried before Enda named his team.

Flanagan first became a Minister on May 8th, 2014, when he replaced Frances Fitzgerald in the Youth and Family Affairs portfolio after she moved to Justice. And the Taoiseach named his new Cabinet last week, on May 6th, 2016. This left Charlie two days shy of the two years needed to qualify for a ministerial pension. But he’s over the line now.

Resigned to going Enda’s way

With the publication of the O’Higgins report this week, the nation is reminded of the shock resignation/ retirement of the Garda commissioner after the Taoiseach accidentally threw him under a bus in a well-intentioned unintentional way.

When Martin Callinan stepped down from the force, it followed a surprise late night visit to his home from the head of the Department of Justice, who just called to say that Enda Kenny was having a terrible crisis of confidence over whether or not to support him at the next cabinet meeting. So he instructed the senior civil servant to tell the country’s top cop how he was feeling, nothing more. Because as the earlier Fennelly report concluded, Enda had “no intention” in this wide world of putting pressure on Callinan to hand in his stripes. (No laughing down the back, please.) Even if the former Garda commissioner would later say he felt at the time he had no option but to go.

As we know, Enda Kenny, to this day, insists that Callinan “retired”. He wasn’t sacked. He didn’t resign. He just went all of a sudden.

Similarly, Alan Shatter has always been of the view he had no choice but to tender his ministerial notice following the Taoiseach’s reaction to yet another study, the Guerin report. His boss didn’t tell him to sling his hook, but strangely enough, Shatter felt “encouraged” to go.

On Tuesday, Joan Burton announced her intention to “stand down” as leader of the Labour Party. In his statement, the Taoiseach paid generous tribute to his erstwhile tánaiste, wishing Joan every success and happiness in the future on the occasion of her “retirement” as party leader. Everyone else says she resigned.

Big Phil in hot water with French farmers

Now that the latest unpleasantness over Irish Water has temporarily blown over and Micheál Martin is graciously extending Enda Kenny’s Government lease on a week-to-week basis, it was nice to see EU commissioner Phil Hogan – who launched Irish Water in all its imperfection – in Dublin on Tuesday for a meeting with new Minister for Agriculture Michael Creed.

Cork North-West TD Creed was first elected to the Dáil in 1989, as was Big Phil.

It has been a busy time for the agriculture commissioner, who is on Brexit duty these days, flitting around Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland, urging farmers to vote to remain in the EU. Given the message, it could be said that he’s on a staycation.

So what news from Hogan? He tweeted from Wales on Tuesday: “I’ve established the Sheepmeat Reflection Group to identify factors which could underpin the sector’s healthy development.” Oh, the glamour.

Still, it’s better than having to deal with the toxic fallout from his ham-fisted approach to establishing Irish Water. Or having to go to France. Big Phil has fallen out with French farmers and he has been getting a ferocious roasting in the French media.

When he told them last month they had to modernise their industry, the farmers were having none of it.

Journalist Jean Quatremer wrote an absolute stinker in the French daily, Libération, headlined: “Phil Hogan, So Far from France.”

“A year and a half after taking office, the Commissioner for Agriculture, 55, remains a stranger,” the paper’s Brussels correspondent wrote, noting that the “physically imposing” Hogan was adept at avoiding the media and has only given two interviews, both in the regional press, since the farming crisis began in France.

Quatremer described his visit to an agricultural show in Paris, where he didn’t hang around for very long “for fear of being faced with some excited peasants”. (At least that’s what Google Translate said.) Phil must have felt like he never left Ireland.

Apparently, Hogan prefers to stay in his office in the Berlaymont building, rather than getting out and about.

According to the unimpressed French man, the commissioner has let problems in European agriculture “deteriorate beyond reason”.

The writer was not amused. Hogan’s office “is a caricature” with five of its eight members from Ireland “but no French”. Was it any wonder, he wailed, that the crisis had been allowed to worsen, with Hogan’s “almost complete lack of empathy” for rural France.