Miriam Lord's Week

Glenties gears up for talkathon; Blueshirts in celebratory mode; ruff justice for Callely; End of Term Awards

THAT’S NOT it entirely for the political season. The Dáil and Seanad may have brought down the shutters until September, but the talking goes on. Former taoiseach Garret FitzGerald is the first speaker off the blocks in Glenties tomorrow night when he performs the official opening of the 30th MacGill Summer School.

Until next Sunday in Donegal, it’ll be wall-to-wall politicians, economists, academics, social commentators, media commentators, chief executive officers, jurists, journalists and Joe Mulholland, the ex-RTÉ man who organises it.

Special medals should be struck for anyone who manages to sit through all the sessions – it’s a pretty heavy agenda.

Garret will be followed by Martin McGuinness, who delivers the annual John Hume lecture.

Reforming the Republic – Issues of Politics, Economics and Accountabilityis the theme of this year's talkathon.

Among those pondering “the political, economic and administrative systems that have allowed our economy to be brought to its knees” will be Ministers Noel Dempsey, Micheál Martin, Mary Coughlan and Pat Carey.

Apparently, questions will also be asked “as to how and why our political and economic institutions were unable to foresee the extent of the current crisis or were incapable of taking, or were unwilling to take, measures that might have diminished the gravity of it”. They’ll love that.

Also down during the week to add their tuppence ha’penny worth will be Enda Kenny and Eamon Gilmore, along with the likes of Green Minister Eamon Ryan, Pat Rabbitte, Mary O’Rourke, Leo and Lucinda, Ombudsman Emily O’Reilly, Peter Sutherland, Colm McCarthy and Supreme Court judge Adrian Hardiman.

Serial MacGill performer Michael McDowell will be talking about The Republic I Want to See, or, to give that lecture its full title, The Republic I Want to See With Me in Charge. Solutions, by the way, will be proposed. That might cheer up the Ministers who will be able to bring diagrams and show us how the corner is being turned. End this silly season madness now. That’s what we say.

FG members putting party first

Perhaps it’s the trauma of the recent heave against Enda Kenny, but Fine Gael has been partying like there’s no tomorrow.

They were at it again during the week. The party held a big golfing fundraiser in the K Club on Wednesday. It cost €1,500 a team and about 200 FG supporters togged out. Enda Kenny was guest of honour and he made speech after dinner in the clubhouse.

Businesswoman Sarah Newman, a regular on RTÉ's Dragons' Denshow, is lady captain at the club and during her speech she declared "Enda, I'm a dragon and I'm in!" Firmly nailing her colours to the mast, she then told the simpering Kenny: "Recessions don't last, but strong men do!" (We hope people had finished their meal at this stage, that sort of talk would put anyone off their grub.)

The previous evening, Killarney-based Senator Paul Coghlan took his FG Seanad colleagues off to his club for an end-of-term soiree. The little group packed into the old back bar of the St Stephen’s Green/Hibernian Club for “wine and nibbles”. Afterwards, there were rumours that Kenny turned up and told the Senator he intended to shelve his plans to abolish the Seanad. However, he didn’t attend the gathering.

Despite the fact that a definite rift has developed between those Senators who voted for Kenny in the recent contest and the smaller group of Richard Bruton supporters, they all succumbed to the convivial Coghlan’s hospitality and hardly a cross word all night.

However, a declared Bruton supporter tells us that there is still a lot of bad blood in the party.

“When you mix paranoia and promises – some not delivered – and throw in a few threats and cross words, you’re left with a powder keg.”

He adds: “It’s a bit like an airline: some are travelling first class now because they supported the leadership and the rest of us are in steerage.”

Anglo’s Tender bid for forecasts

A reader e-mails an interesting selection of tender requests pulled from the e-Tenders service.

“Notice type: Invitation to Tender. Title: Supply of Macroeconomic Indicators and Forecasts Database; Published by: Anglo Irish Bank Corporation Limited. Notice type: Invitation to Tender. Fás: Develop Curriculum and Training Resources; Published by: Fás.

“Invitation to Tender. Title: Fás Identify Innovative Effective Training Models and Arrange Workshops. Published by: Fás. Expression of Interest for the Implementation of Security Review for An Garda Síochána. Published by: An Garda Síochána.”

Our correspondent is fascinated, “not by the Garda looking for a security review, nor Fás looking for innovative effective training models, but by Anglo . . looking to shut the stable door after the horse has bolted.”

Ivor in doghouse over expenses

Ivor Callely was sporting a deep suntan when he appeared before the Seanad select committee investigating his expenses.

As we now know, he had spent the previous week attending a meeting of the Organisation for Security and Co-operation in Europe where he was the sole Irish representative. However, he was able to enjoy a short break in the sun after his efforts in Oslo.

Ivor, we understand, spent last weekend in Barcelona. So he was lucky enough to witness the wild celebrations when Spain won the World Cup. But it was back to Earth with a bang on Tuesday. “I’m resident in west Cork when not committed to Dublin,” he told the committee. Among those commitments, according to those who see him in Clontarf, is walking the family dog. He’s a west Cork, sorry, West Highland terrier. A Westie, just like Ivor.

END OF TERM AWARDS: AND THE WINNERS ARE . . .:

IT’S ALL quiet in Leinster House now. After a very turbulent few months around Kildare Street, it’s time for those all-important end of term awards:

TOP OF THE CLASS AWARD

Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan. We may be going to hell in a handcart, but at least Lenihan communicates our predicament with clarity and a sense of competence and confidence which is sadly lacking in his boss.

SURVIVOR OF THE SESSION AWARD

Joint winners – Enda Kenny and Brian Cowen. Few believed the Fine Gael leader would emerge victorious from last month’s leadership challenge. He may have squeaked through by a whisker, but a win is a win and his supporters have taken to calling him “a man of steel”, which might be stretching things a bit.

There hasn’t been much comfort for the Taoiseach. He limped through to summer at the head of a deeply disgruntled parliamentary party, with TDs openingly criticising his leadership of party and country. Fianna Fáil is trailing in the polls and facing electoral disaster. The Labour Party is hoovering up the party’s share of the vote in Dublin.

Backbenchers talk longingly of finding a suitable candidate to challenge Cowen. At the moment, they can’t. But if they do, it’s curtains for the man from Clara.

THE PICK YOURSELF UP, DUST YOURSELF OFF AND START ALL OVER AGAIN AWARD

Mary Coughlan, who regularly came in for cruel criticism when she was minister for enterprise. This culminated in a particularly strong verbal attack on her abilities from Fine Gael’s Leo Varadkar. He told her in the Dáil that she is an embarrassment.

At times, the attacks on Coughlan – who has been no shining star, but that hardly marks her out in Cowen’s stale Cabinet – verged on the gratuitous. Privately, women TDs from all sides wondered uneasily about the tone of the criticism, which was unrelenting.

Mary was given the education portfolio in the reshuffle. It’s early days, but this column has been hearing good reports of her performance in the role so far.

“She’s made no major gaffes, did well at the teachers’ conferences when people thought she was treated badly and has reversed some of the more controversial budget cuts,” says one observer. “Certainly, nobody is using the term ‘Calamity Coughlan’ about her now.”

SENATOR OF THE SESSION AWARD

Joe O’Toole, for the twin achievements of driving through a decision on the Callely question without the handwringing and stalling that usually accompanies the vexed question of censuring colleagues in the Dáil, and for fearlessly championing the role of real mutton in Irish stew.

THE MICHEÁL MacLIAMMÓIR MEMORIAL HAM ACTOR AWARD

There can be only one winner: take a bow, John O’Donoghue TD.

The former ceann comhairle has not taken his removal from the chair very well. He spent the months after his traumatic change of fortune looking very sorry for himself. He blames many for his downfall – not least the lynch mob media – but reserves most disdain for Labour leader, Eamon Gilmore, who pushed him into resignation. The Bull O’Donoghue got a small chance for revenge during the farcical debate on the dog breeding Bill. He launched into a lyrical attack on his nemesis, standing with his hands clasped across his chest as if he were leaning against a piano and belting out Mother Machree. “Deputy Gilmore, if I may be excused the analogy, reminds me of a gadfly around the tail of an old cow . . .” began the Bull, in all his pomp.

“He circles, you don’t hear him; sometimes he might land, but you don’t see him land; but all the time you know he is there and you know that in the final analysis you will never quite know what he is up to, where he is going, or how he is going to get there.” All delivered in a quivering, theatrical voice, which was meant to convey disdain but was just cringeworthy.

One the other hand, the Bull then went on to label Gilmore the “finest tut-tutterer” in Leinster House adding: “A man who stands for nothing will, in the final analysis, fall for anything”. That will have stung the Labour leader.

HUFFERS AND PUFFERS AWARD

This award goes to those Fianna Fáil TDs who make a pastime of grumbling about the Cowen leadership, but when it’s put up to them they fall into line. Biffo isn’t the only one tired of the likes of Noel O’Flynn, Máire Hoctor and John McGuinness.

THE COMEBACK KID AWARD

There can only be on contender for this award: Fine Gael’s Michael Noonan is back in Dodge City. The party may still be divided in the aftermath of Richard Bruton’s failed heave, but the return of Noonan to the front bench as finance spokesman has been greeted with almost universal approval.