MIRIAM LORD'S WEEK

McDowell to don blue shirt in court; Poster Pixies enter local election arena; Green Senator makes song contest shortlist; Louis Copeland hops aboard Obama bandwagon

MICHAEL McDOWELL returns to the mother ship on Monday when he togs out for Fine Gael in a spot of High Court handbags between headquarters and a promising young party activist.

Is the prodigal silk taking his first steps back towards the Blueshirt bosom? Or just business? Former PD leader and minister for justice McDowell is stepping in as second silk with Frank Callanan to fight FG’s corner against law graduate Naja Regan, who instituted legal proceedings against the party following last month’s local election selection convention in Dún Laoghaire.

Naja, daughter of FG Senator Eugene Regan, was put forward as a candidate by her local Monkstown branch, but alleges that the convention was instructed by headquarters to select the three sitting councillors.

She is challenging the decision in the High Court, seeking an injunction requiring Enda Kenny and the party trustees to hold a new selection convention. She is also seeking a declaration that the party broke its own rules and constitution in depriving her of her opportunity to be selected in February.

The case is listed for mention on Monday, and Regan’s lawyer, Gerard Hogan SC, will look for an early trial in view of the fact that the local elections take place in June.

The proceedings are being monitored with great interest by politicians and activists from both Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil.

At the recent FF ardfheis, grassroots members expressed strong opposition to what they see as headquarters interfering in their right to have a say in the selection of candidates.

The concept of decentralisation is not welcomed by head office when it comes to picking people to run for election.

Such was the depth of feeling from the rank and file, party strategists rowed back somewhat on the policy in an effort to appease the footsoldiers.

Still, the parade of the young, shiny and bland seems unstoppable – if the local election line-up is anything to go by.

Poster talk litters debate

On Wednesday, the Dáil debated the Electoral Amendment Bill, with lively contributions from deputies who have more than a passing interest in the conduct of elections.

John Gormley’s Bill proposes a cap on local election spending and restrictions on postering. It was broadly welcomed by all sides, although most took grave offence at the classification of posters as “litter”. There were appeals for wriggle room in the area of poster removal – candidates are fined if they don’t take them away within seven days of the poll. However, some TDs revealed they were the victims of dirty tricks after the last election. They told how they removed all their posters within the time allowed, only for some to mysteriously reappear on lampposts after the deadline, resulting in a fine.

Going on the anecdotal evidence, the Poster Pixies appeared to largely target Fianna Fáil candidates. This led to suggestions that the phenomenon might have something to do with FF in-fighting. But Seán Fleming of Laois/Offaly was having none of it.

“Somebody did it, but it was not one of my party colleagues. All four candidates in Laois-Offaly were featured on a single poster so it was somebody else. I will not point a finger but it was malicious . . . That incident happened so candidates should be careful.”

Michael D Higgins, in a rip-roaring and wide-ranging contribution, made a heartfelt call for a return to good old-fashioned electioneering. Not for him the prevailing namby-pamby approach of genteel posters, quiet electronic messaging and young people with good teeth.

“Elections should be about an invitation to participate. They should be about genuine contests. There is such a thing as political rhetoric. I admire anyone from a political party who can stand up on a stone wall and say what they stand for . . . An election should be about knowing what it is that one wants, inviting one’s fellow citizens to support you, and having the guts to go about it. When you put your face on a poster and all that goes with it, why would people get upset about that when they have not been upset by posters for Duffy’s circus or Fossett’s circus?”

You can interpret that one whatever way you like . . .

“Another issue relates to music. Why should we not have bands with trombones and bugles if we feel like it? There is something very strange about the notion that everything has to be quietened down. Everything has to be moved to a point far beyond discretion, that things must be whispered.

“Democracy is not about a whisper, democracy is about the roar of change. We will be getting an awful lot of it in June and Deputy Gormley will hear it.” Hooray for Michael D! Our hero.

May he die roaring, so to speak.

Boyle finds his voice

Ireland has made the last five in a Eurovision song contest. Now it’s down to the Irish voting public to do its patriotic duty.

Vote for Dan Boyle, singer, songwriter, Senator and the Green’s euro-candidate for Ireland South.

No Green convention is complete without Dan strumming his guitar and serenading delegates into the early hours with his extensive repertoire of Elvis and Beatles numbers.

Great news! Senator Boyle has made the shortlist in the European Greenvision 2009 Song Contest. The final five numbers were chosen from more than 50 entries. Dan’s song is up against such catchy ditties as Think Big Vote Green, Green It On and Act Now.

The winner will sing the song in the Congress of the European Green Party in Brussels at the end of the month. It will also be used as the Greens’ theme song across Europe during the election campaign. There’s also a €3,000 first prize.

Cue plonky piano and The Next Generation. Take it away Dan: “The next generation’s gonna change everything around/The next generation’s gonna turn it all upside down/There’s gonna be changes/There’s gonna be a big sensation. The only trouble is . . . I can’t wait until the next generation.

And so on.

You really have to hear it. If you must.

Log on to http://europeangreens.eu/greenvisionvoting/

Jacket yarn about Obama

When times are bad in the rag trade, there’s no better man than tailor Louis Copeland to spin a yarn.

He says he has made a jacket for Barack Obama to wear on St Patrick’s Day, and as you read this, that garment is winging its way to Washington, travelling Cullen class.

Aer Lingus is giving the jacket the premier treatment – it will be travelling upstairs and up front, just the way Minister Cullen likes it.

We are assured that somebody will collect it at the other end and deliver it to the White House in time for Obama’s meeting with Brian Cowen.

The jacket is made from Donegal tweed, with a pepper ’n’ salt fleck, and as it’s bespoke, it would cost in the region of €800 to buy in the shop.

So how do they know Obama’s size? “We have a few connections in the international suit trade. The president has had suits made to order, we got his size through the grapevine. Can’t say any more than that,” says Adrian Copeland.

And yes, it’s green. We’ll see on Tuesday whether the brothers Copeland managed to get it past the secret service.

Charlie full of comfort

Isn’t Charlie McCreevy a gas man, on his €70,000 a year Dáil pension and his €230,000 EU salary? No wonder he’s always in good form.

Journalist Kathy Sheridan, of this parish, talked to him during the annual orgy of hype and horseflesh known as the Cheltenham Festival. Charlie, being a horsey man, loves it.

He was in full flight, the fragrant Noleen alongside and looking lovely, when our reporter asked the former minister for finance about the state of the economy.

“Aaah, ya know, I can’t go into that . . .” Kathy persisted, hoping for a little gem of insight that might make things seem better.

“But we are in a state, aren’t we Charlie?”

So the EU Commissioner for Internal Markets and Services gave his considered view: “Look it. You ate three meals yesterday, didn’t you? You’ll be eatin’ three meals tomorrow, won’t you? And a year from now, ye’ll still be eatin’ three meals a day . . .”

Ms Sheridan tugged her forelock and backed away gratefully, twisting her threadbare cloth hat in her bony hands as she went.

Nothing like a bit of perspective on the crisis. And sure if the worst comes to the worst, we can all eat cake. Can’t we, Charlie?

Demon drink visits horse

Speaking of Cheltenham, we were rather startled by racing commentator Tony O'Hehir's dispatch from Prestbury Park on Tuesday. He was on Mary Wilson's Drivetimeradio programme, telling the nation about the withdrawal of Michael O'Leary's horse from the Cheltenham Gold Cup.

“Mouse Morris confirmed this morning that War of Attrition will miss the Gold Cup. He was a bit jarred yesterday, but he should be fine in the next week or so,” said Tony.

Back a day.

A horse goes into a bar. The barman says: “Why the long face?” “How would you feel if you were stuck next to Michael O’Leary on a Ryanair flight? And he wouldn’t give me any change for the toilet either. Make the next one a double.”

Stationary mystery

Dáil deputies and Senators are each given a monthly allocation of 1,750 prepaid Oireachtas envelopes. They send out a lot of letters. Most of them completely unnecessary.

A reader sends us one of these envelopes with the familiar green harp on the front. Inside is a “nomination alert” on Fianna Fáil headed notepaper from Paschal Mooney of Drumshanbo, who is hoping to run for Fianna Fáil in the European elections, standing in the Ireland-North West constituency.

“I am writing once again to ask for your support and that of your cumann by placing my name in nomination on the form you will have received from party HQ for that purpose.”

Paschal continues: “The addition of Longford-Westmeath to the newly expanded Ireland North West Constituency places me in Co Leitrim in the best geographical position to win a second seat in the elections.”

Our correspondent is puzzled. He asks: “Is Mr Mooney a member of the Oireachtas? Why should I, as a taxpayer, fund his correspondence with the Fianna Fáil membership?”

Right enough, long-time Senator Paschal Mooney lost his Seanad seat at the last election, missing out to former deputy Cecilia Keaveney of Donegal North-East. Broadcaster Paschal assures us he did not take the contents of the office stationary cabinet with him when he left the Seanad. “All those envelopes came out of Leinster House. They came from friends of mine in the Oireachtas, former colleagues who wanted to express their support for me,” he explains.

Trying to get ahead in politics is an expensive business. “An opportunity presented itself . . . I appreciated it as I am not in any formal employment at the moment.”

To be fair to the former Senator, Oireachtas members are free to do what they wish – within reason – with their prepaid envelopes. He says that when he was in the Seanad he had to supply a portion of his allocation to Fianna Fáil headquarters for party use.

“There are people being mischievous about this,” he reckons. We reckon he’s probably right.

Meanwhile, FF hasn’t given any detail yet about its line-up for Ireland North West. There is speculation that the party is trying to persuade former Republic of Ireland soccer goalkeeper Packie Bonner to run.

Barack to meet Charlie

Big day for Ireland next week in Washington, when Barack Obama gets to meet Charlie Bird for the first time. RTÉ’s new America Correspondent is listed among the Irish media accredited to cover the annual St Patrick’s Day shamrock ceremony in the White House.

But an extra camera crew has been given access to the Oval office on this historic occasion.

Not only will Charlie be reporting on the proceedings for the people back home, but while Cowen and Obama go about their business, a documentary crew will be filming Charlie Bird as he goes about his.

Production company Crossing the Line are hoping the show will air on RTÉ television next Christmas or in the new year. He’s already done the Ganges, and the Amazon and the Antarctic, so Mr Bird Goes to Washington comes as no surprise.

Barack will be delighted. A new jacket, a bowl of green stuff from fellow Offalian Biffo and, to top it all, an audience with Charlie.

Groaning at elections

A final word from Michael D Higgins on the subject of elections: “It is sometimes assumed that abuses at elections are, somehow or other, an Irish thing in a post-colonial context. K Theodore Hoppen has written about electoral abuses. The highest point of electoral abuses is in fact in the late 19th century. If people look at estate records they will see that in the estate that is left over, an enormous amount of money was spent on whiskey and on lemons for the punch that was served on polling day.

“The notion of going from door to door to canvass began in the 19th century. In addition, the practice known as groaning developed, whereby one collected a person in the parish, and then one went from house to house collecting other people. When one came to a hostile person, everyone groaned collectively so that the district inspector’s report stated that there was no violence but there was much groaning.”

Perhaps the practice of groaning could be revived? And the whiskey and lemons?