Miriam Lord's week

The trouble with boating Senators; DDP’s follicles; sweet revenge for Coveney’s conquering heroes; ‘Moves’ Martin hopes to inspire Election Night Fever; reasons not to debate Ganley; O’Connor lands the boss; time not of the essence on climate, apparently

WHAT IS it with Senators and boats? Ivor Callely had a spot of bother with a boat in Cork over the summer, leading to a rather racy account of his alleged exploits aboard the Serendipityin a Sunday newspaper last week.

And now, news reaches us of Fine Gael Senator Fidelma Healy-Eames, who was lucky to escape with her life following a collision between a motor yacht and the sight-seeing boat she was on in the Adriatic.

The Connemara-based Senator says she was holidaying in Dubrovnik last month and went out on a small tourist boat with her nine-year-old daughter Ruth. She was standing at the stern of the vessel chatting to fellow tourists when her daughter pointed to another boat which was speeding towards them.

“I knew it was going to hit us, so I made the decision to jump across to the other side. It stuck the side of us and came through the wood, which showered over the man I had been talking to. I hit my head against the rail as the boat dipped from the force of the impact, and water flooded over.

I thought we were going to sink.

“I’ve never felt such pure terror, and had my daughter not shouted I would probably not be alive today. The harbour police told us later that the other boat had been travelling at 55km an hour on autopilot.”

Fidelma is still undergoing physiotherapy following the incident.

“Even though Leinster House can sometimes by very boring, I was very glad to be back there again on Wednesday.”

Davin-Power really is the mane man

David Davin-Power, RTÉ’s reassuringly authoritative political correspondent, is well used to receiving letters from members of the public.

Usually, they address the weighty matter of politics and his approach to covering it. Sometimes – it’s an occupational hazard for people who work in telly – the letters can be rather personal.

DDP, as he is known, was so tickled by one such missive he received recently that he tacked it up on the newsroom noticeboard in RTÉ for his colleagues to enjoy. The concise and neatly typed communication read: “David, Have you no family or friends

who would tell you that the wig you are wearing is terrible? It is so obvious it is funny. Why don’t you buy a new one or just be bald?

A viewer.”

For the record, we can confirm that DDP’s luxuriant and fast growing mop of curly hair is all his own, and doubtless, the envy of some people around Leinster House who are not so blessed in the follicle department.

Pumas tamed by Leinster House lions

Tuesday night’s match in Dublin between the Irish and Argentinian parliamentary rugby teams resulted in a stunning 10-0 victory for the home side. It was a sweet win for Fine Gael’s Simon Coveney and his men – Argentina beat Ireland 11-9 at the Parliamentary World Cup in Paris two years ago.

Due to a busy day in the Dáil and Seanad, just five Oireachtas members managed to make the game. The team was augmented by eight parliamentary assistants and “various friends of the boys”. Non-playing team manager and coach Eoin Faherty, principal clerk of the Joint Committee on Communications Energy and National Resources, organised the tie. Fianna Fáil deputy for Carlow-Kilkenny MJ Nolan scored the first try and 70-year-old Pat Coakley, one of MJ’s friends, scored the clincher.

Retired businessman Pat plays regularly with the Oireachtas team and usually takes to the field in short five-minute bursts. He touched down in the final five minutes against the Pumas, despite having being bundled over in a ruck.

Captain Coveney lined out at number eight, Jimmy Deenihan and Senator John Paul Phelan togged out in the second row, MJ Nolan played outhalf and Joe McHugh was full back.

After the match at the Old Belvedere grounds, the two teams repaired to the Oireachtas members’ restaurant for dinner.

Given the prevailing economic situation, the Oireachtas rugby team is anxious to stress that they always pay their way, and Tuesday night was no exception.

Not even nightclubs are safe from Lisbon

Winston Churchill may have vowed to fight them on the beaches, but delegates at the Ógra Fianna Fáil convention in Cork last month were treated to a much more terrifying prospect when Micheál Martin revealed that the fight for Lisbon would be fought, and won, on . . . the dancefloor.

Urging the Young Soldiers of Destiny to challenge the No campaign at every opportunity, Micheál declared no venue should be left unvisited – not even nightclubs – as, in a confessional moment, he revealed how he hit the dancefloor in search of votes in his first election.

Martin explained that when he was running for Cork Corporation in the 1985 local elections, he would finish up a day’s canvassing by heading for the nearest nightclub and getting the DJ to call out his name and say he was on the campaign trail.

And so, young Ógra rootlets, get down with Micheál's 21st-century version of Saturday Night Election Fever– just dust off your Da's white suit, put on that gold medallion and boogie on down for a Yes vote.

All together now, “You can tell from the way I use my walk, I’m a Lisbon Man, no time to talk.” (Although, politically speaking, Stayin’ Alive is more Fianna Fáil’s style at the moment.)

Cowen waxes nostalgic for Albert

Taoiseach Brian Cowen’s affection for his mentor, Albert Reynolds, shone through at the launch of Albert’s autobiography on Thursday in Dublin’s Royal College of Physicians.

Cowen spoke at length about the former taoiseach, in a speech peppered with funny asides and nostalgic sidebars.

The next big launch on the agenda will be Bertie Ahern’s autobiography – the official book in the midst of a sea of Ahern tomes this season.

So who will be doing the honours for the Bert? His old mucker Bill Clinton, or maybe his mate Tony Blair, or perhaps John Major? The launch – a full house is expected – is scheduled for Thursday, October 8th in the Mansion House and the man pencilled in to do the honours for Bertie is Charlie McCreevy.

Say it Noel: they spray it

Minister for Transport Noel Dempsey is a dark horse. During Wednesday’s order of business, he sat pensively while Labour TD Jan O’Sullivan spoke about the need for regulating the use of sunbeds by the under-18s. O’Sullivan’s colleague Joan Burton pointed out that it isn’t just First Holy Communicants using them. “It’s the debs season. All the debs dances are on and that’s what people are using sunbeds for.”

Suddenly, Noel piped up: “They spray it on now, they don’t need to use a sunbed.” The two women were temporarily dumbstruck. A brief silence descended on all sides. And he blushed.

Precious little harmony here

Once again, a capacity crowd turned up at Leinster House for the second annual Culture Night in the national parliament.

Five hundred tickets were sold for each of three concerts by a barbershop quartet in the Leinster House 2000 coffee dock. Perhaps, in an effort to send a subliminal message to the politicians they have to work with on a daily basis, the group booked to perform is called The Mellow Chord and described as “a harmony chorus”. Precious little of that around Leinster House these days. And it’s not much better in Government Buildings, with rumours of two Cabinet factions gathering around Tánaiste Mary Coughlan and Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan. The Rody Molloy fiasco didn’t help relations between

the two departments yesterday either.

Shatter looks on the bright side

We told you last week about the big show planned for the Mill Theatre in Dundrum to celebrate deputy Alan Shatter’s 150 years in politics (or thereabouts).

It happened, and it was a stunning success, with people dancing in the aisles by the end of the night and Alan onstage and singing Always Look on the Bright Side of Life. Most of the audience joined in, as the words were printed on the back of the souvenir programme.

Shatter, by the way, is affectionately known as “Shats” among his parliamentary party colleagues. Perhaps he should have a word.

Party leader Enda Kenny turned up, full of the joys of, eh, spring, straight from the Arthur’s Day celebrations in St James’s Gate.

Also present was party deputy leader Richard Bruton, Lucinda Creighton, former young pup Brian Hayes and reigning young pup Leo Varadkar. Charlie Flanagan represented the rural rump, while Terence Flanagan, deputy for Dublin North East, decided not to arrive wearing his Artane Senior Band uniform, thus disappointing many of the ladies.

Strangely enough, Olivia Mitchell and George Lee were both unfortunately tied up and unavoidably detained on the night. But Shats partied on regardless.

No luck for Nick’s Ganley date

Time is of the essence for Nick McGinley, author of 100 Reasons to Vote Yes to Lisbon.His is a book with a short shelf life – unless the No side prevail again next week and the Government decides to try three times for luck.

In an effort to whip up publicity for his entertaining tome, McGinley has joined the posse of people challenging Declan Ganley to a public debate. But unlike half the country – or so it seems – McGinley has been unsuccessful in his attempts to goad Ganley, despite being seated in the audience opposite him during Thursday's Last WordDebate broadcast from The Irish Timesoffices in Tara Street. Still, at least the ever resourceful McGinley managed to get his book into a lot of newspapers when Ryanair's Michael O'Leary was photographed presenting a copy to Declan Ganley. O'Leary bought 250 copies of the book.

When he gets a moment, maybe Ganley should turn to reason number 65, where McGinley questions his links to the US military and the source of his wealth. Or maybe not.

Meanwhile, here’s an interesting thought: We could be experiencing the last week of the Cowen Government. It seems unlikely going on the findings of the latest opinion poll, but if the Yes camp fail again in the referendum, well then it’s curtains for Biffo and the gang.

Trap shows his skills in Tallaght

Fianna Fáil deputy Charlie “Mr Tallaght” O’Connor asked the FAI recently if they would bring Giovanni Trapattoni over to his neck of the woods the next time he’s in town. He was pleasantly surprised when they said they would, and the Republic of Ireland soccer manager held an skills programme yesterday evening in the new Tallaght Stadium followed by a meet and greet session with local community workers and football fans. “It was probably because he wanted to see the place that gave Ireland Robbie Keane and Richard Dunne,” O’Connor tells us. “And I made sure that they invited Conor Lenihan along too so he didn’t feel left out,” said the deputy for Dublin South West of his beloved constituency colleague, the junior Minister.

What’s a few centuries?

One doesn’t wish to alarm the Greens, especially as they are doing such a good job at not being alarmed, no matter how many bombshells their senior Government partner keep dropping at their doorstep.

Speaking at the UN Climate Change Conference in New York, Brian Cowen told Charlie Bird that the Government is committed to action on climate change. “We will increase our commitment from 20 per cent to 30 per cent by 3020,” the Taoiseach said on the teatime news.

God only knows how poor, put upon Dan Boyle will talk himself out of that one.