Poor George - huge mandate but no sign of a blooming office

DÁIL SKETCH:ENDA SHOULD have given Wandering George a straw boater and waved him away from Leinster House for the morning.

Senator David Norris could have collected the homeless Lee in Eccles Street and treated him to a fried breakfast. (Although George looks like the sort of chap who might turn green at the sight of a nutty gizzard.)

Thus set up for the day, they could have enjoyed all manner of Bloomsday events until it was time for lunch.

Then, burping with burgundy and gorgonzola, Senator and deputy could have headed off to the Grand Canal Basin, where David was to officially open a new bridge.

The bridge resembles the graceful wings of a ray. It’s supposed to be a Manta Ray from the ocean, but Dubliners will welcome it as a Long Ray from the chipper.

Finally, at 2.30 in the afternoon, the two would have returned to Kildare Street for the commencement of business.

“I opened a bridge at lunchtime” Senator Norris told the Seanad, after he had wished one and all a happy Bloomsday.

But it wasn’t a happy one for poor Wandering George, lost in the wilderness because the Government won’t give him an office in Leinster House.

He’s been bunking in with colleagues and is currently squatting in the office of Brian Hayes, which must be a terrible ordeal. Brian can’t be too happy either.

When Wandering George wasn’t haunting the corridors yesterday afternoon, he was haunting his party leader.

The day began with questions to the Taoiseach. This is a routine session, where Opposition leaders ask questions submitted in advance. Few others turn up.

But George was there, sitting beside Enda. He was first into the chamber when the doors were opened. Nowhere else to go.

The Opposition blames Pat “Scary” Carey, the Chief Whip, for George’s predicament.

By late afternoon, the Fine Gael leader could not contain his annoyance.

He demanded an explanation from the Taoiseach. George leaned forward hopefully.

He doesn’t want to be banished to the wasteland of Agriculture House, away from his new parliamentary party chums and in danger of being bitten by sheep mislaid by protesting farmers.

Enda strenuously pressed George’s case for a proper billet.

Stately, plump Biffo Cowen – he was particularly morose yesterday – ignored him.

“The Government have lost the services, and therefore the space, of three of their members,” pointed out Enda. They should give up these offices instead of perpetrating an office grab, with Wandering George the biggest casualty.

The Whip had the temerity to offer their deputy for Dublin South space in the Department of Agriculture, fulminated Enda. You could see the fear in city-boy George’s eyes as his leader outlined the appalling vista.

Scary Carey smiled beatifically , and said nothing.

“This is not good enough, Taoiseach!” roared Enda.

Stately, plump Biffo glowered. No one is asking him to open bridges these days.

Enda tried again: “He comes to this house with a mandate from 28,000 people, and the Government intend to hive him off over to the Department of Agriculture?” (And him from Cabinteely.)

The Ceann Comhairle ruled Deputy Kenny out of order.

But Enda tried again: “The Taoiseach might respond!”

Not a flicker.

At least Eamon Gilmore was sympathetic. The Labour leader rose in support. “It seems very unfair. Something should be done. And very soon.”

But despite the day that was in it, plump, stately Biffo Cowen had no intention of coming over all Molly Bloom and yielding to Fine Gael.

Yes I will, yes!

Not with that thunderous face on him.

No he won’t, no.

Poor Wandering George – a lodger in his own lifetime.