Taoiseach takes up the torch for silent leaders everywhere

DÁIL SKETCH:Several times yesterday Enda Kenny was asked for a straight answer but it was beyond him

IT LOOKS like Enda Kenny wants to be remembered as the dumb blond of the 31st Dáil.

Wink, smile, wave and hug but, above all else, say nothing of significance about anything of substance.

Several times during Leaders’ Questions yesterday, the Taoiseach was asked for a straight answer to a simple question. But it proved beyond him.

This would have been very frustrating for the Opposition, if it hadn’t been so funny. The meandering irrelevance of the Taoiseach’s replies made it easy for them to laugh at his reluctance to address the point.

Later in the day, he launched a major environmental policy programme. Journalists weren’t allowed attend the event, which was open only to photographers.

The Taoiseach, the Tánaiste and the Minister for the Environment joked around in front of the cameras and an official press release was issued, with nice soft quotes for the locked-out reporters to regurgitate.

This change of plan to a non-threatening photocall was communicated at the last minute. Presumably because Enda had already spoken about serious national issues at an earlier media event.

Lest it be said that the Taoiseach is avoiding the hard questions, he spoke for more than a minute when the Olympic torch arrived at Government Buildings.

But first he had his photo taken with Ronnie Delaney and Katie Taylor’s mammy. For one alarming moment, when Ronnie leaned forward with the flaming torch, we feared Enda’s hair was going to ignite.

Then Ronnie moved his arm and nearly set fire to the Tánaiste. Afterwards, in what ranks as one of the Taoiseach’s most hard-hitting outbursts in recent months, he said of Ireland’s Olympic hopefuls: “They will do our country proud, and following on our victory in the European Championships a couple of gold medals wouldn’t go astray” The Taoiseach is beginning to give a bad name to dumb blonds.

Back at the Dáil, it was the first sitting since the fiscal treaty referendum. There was one very obvious question on the agenda for Enda.

Last Friday, after the referendum result was declared, he took to the steps of Government Buildings and said he had spoken by telephone to the German chancellor. He sounded quite pleased with himself, giving the impression that he left Angela Merkel in no doubt as to what Ireland wanted in return for voting the right way.

On the evening that was in it, flushed with victory, Enda didn’t go into detail.

But having trumpeted to the nation about his masterful chat with the chancellor, the Dáil now wanted to know what he actually said to her, and she to him.

Micheál Martin, Gerry Adams and Shane Ross tried in vain to find out. Had he talked to her about a writedown of our bank debt? What was her response? Enda waffled shamelessy. “A tortuous and complex process,” he babbled. “Seventeen prime ministers, 17 parliaments, one bank.” He threw in names and listed off countries and talked and talked until nobody knew what he was on about.

Micheál tried again. “What did Chancellor Merkel say to you?” “Get lost!” suggested Finian McGrath.

“Is Fianna Fáil still in power?” ventured Labour’s Arthur Spring.

Fianna Fáil’s Timmy Dooley thought he could explain the unwillingness to elaborate:“She hung up on you!”

“ET phone home; ET phone home,” repeated Timmy’s colleague Robert Troy.

Gerry Adams remarked he was reminded of the Jim Reeves song. Which one? He didn’t say.

“Put your sweet lips, a little closer to the phone,” crooned Mattie McGrath helpfully.

Enda meandered about “civic society” and elections around Europe “in this month, the month of June” and dropped more names and sighed again about things being “both tortuous and complex”. And we began to think that Debbie Harry isn’t the only Blondie who was kept hanging on the telephone.

Enda left everyone none the wiser about what he said to Merkel.

Maybe he phoned and then lost his nerve. “Just ringing to say: isn’t there a grand stretch in the evenings now, Angela?” Anyway, whatever passed between them and the rest of the prime ministers he contacted, it seems Enda is fed up with the telephone. He told the House he is going to sit down and write a strong letter to them all. That way, he won’t have to talk to them.

In the same way he didn’t talk when launching his Government’s major 10-year plan on sustainable development.

The political correspondents, of the view that this story was slightly more important to the future of the country than the Olympic torch, wanted to ask the Taoiseach questions about it.

Instead, they were corralled in a glass box just inside the gates of Government Buildings, way out of barking range.

The press release marking the launch carried the nice remarks that the Taoiseach made at it.

Except Enda didn’t speak. From their holding pen, the hacks could see that his lips never moved.

So if he wasn’t talking through his mouth, where exactly did his words come from? That’s the question.