This 'man overboard' had long since cast himself adrift

DÁIL SKETCH:"ANOTHER MAN overboard today," remarked a jaunty Enda Kenny from the crow's nest of Opposition. He collapsed his spyglass and prepared to gloat.

“One less vote; one less voice,” said the Fine Gael leader, doing his best to sound sorrowful.

Earlier, on the marble steps of Government Buildings, the Chief Whip went in front of the microphones to speak about the incident. “My first reaction was when I got a phone call this morning,” trembled John Curran, sounding like one of those poor people persuaded by the police to do a press conference after a loved one has disappeared.

“I was surprised and I had no idea,” he said, looking a bit dazed, before piecing together what happened in the days leading up to yesterday’s shocking news.

Thursday, it was. Yes, Thursday, when a letter was received from Jim. It was addressed to the Taoiseach. But Brian, you see, he was in Brussels. In Brussels on Thursday and on Friday too, so he never got a chance to see the letter.

Isn’t it always the way? Then another letter went to the Ceann Comhairle yesterday. Letters from the deputy for Donegal North East were flying all over the place. And then suddenly, he was gone. “I received the call about Jim McDaid at nine o’clock this morning,” recalled John, sounding like he was going to cry.

But that’s the way the Chief Whip sounds most of the time, and who can blame him? Curran’s job is to try and maintain some semblance of discipline among Fianna Fáil’s increasingly distracted backbenchers and when he isn’t doing that, he has to go into the Dáil chamber with outrageous excuses and explain why his Government isn’t holding any byelections.

At least he could console himself that McDaid “wasn’t in our day-to-day arithmetic”. He was speaking the truth, which is more than you can say for Enda’s pained “one less vote, one less voice” cry. McDaid did very little voting and very little speaking during his time in the 30th Dáil.

As for man overboard? He had long since cast himself adrift from parliamentary politics, sulkily floating along in a leaky dinghy attached to the FF mother ship by an ever lengthening thread. His decision to quit wasn’t much of a surprise, it was merely the timing that caught people on the hop.

Enda wasn’t going to let the moment pass though. He had to suffer when George Lee left him in the lurch and was determined to repay the compliment. But when George flounced out, his party was left reeling in his wake. The same can’t be said for Fianna Fáil yesterday. Jim was only of use to them as a voting number, and a very unreliable one at that.

The Taoiseach didn’t sound the least bit embarrassed by this latest departure. Numbers notwithstanding, one imagines he would have thought long and hard before sending out the lifeboats.

The former deputy’s local Highland Radio in Donegal reported yesterday morning that when they rang his constituency office for a comment on the breaking news, the staff said they knew nothing about it. With Jim’s job go their jobs, one presumes. He might have told them.

The result of the defection means poor John Curran will have to work harder as Chief Whip. It will also serve to make Coalition deputies more jittery than even.

Enda described the latest turn of events as a “Gubu situation”, where the number of empty seats in the Dáil exceeds the size of the Government’s majority.

Only one thing for it, said the Fine Gael leader. A general election. So he called for one again. One day he’ll get his wish. “You no longer have a valid authority to govern . . . Go to the people! I challenge you, Taoiseach, that in view of the continuing instability, both at home and abroad, it is now time for this Government to stand up and be counted.”

For a moment, we thought this was some career guidance from Enda. Biffo’s predecessor went to the News of the World. Was he telling our Taoiseach to retire to the People? Cowen, decent as always, regretted the loss of his colleague – “a friend of mine for many years”. He had no intention of giving Enda his election. “The authority of the Taoiseach is decided by the majority vote of this House,” he said, insisting his Government would be frontloading in the interests of Ireland. They would do their duty and not abdicate responsibility.

The Fine Gael leader was unimpressed. The Coalition is out of touch. “If you’re on antibiotics for 13 years you become immune to a lot of things,” said Enda, to general bafflement.

Minister for Health Mary Harney whispered something to the Taoiseach. She seems over her paint-throwing ordeal, although some people swore they detected a strong fragrance of turpentine when she passed.

And so, Jim McDaid has left national politics. A one-day wonder. Yet in the Dáil chamber – where not one Green appeared during Leaders’ Questions – there is an inescapable feeling that everything is falling apart. Only one man looks happy: Michael Lowry. He’s in charge now. He holds the balance of power. With Jackie Healy-Rae. Happy days.