Miriam Lord: Sinn Féin rest Mary Lou as substitute Pearse Doherty strikes again

Sinn Féin rested Mary Lou McDonald on Wednesday.

It was a minor fixture in the stand-in league of Leaders’ Questions.

But she togged out anyway and sat on the bench with her team-mates while substitute Pearse Doherty enjoyed his second run-out of the week. This time he was up against Darragh O’Brien in what promised to be a robust needle-match between two uncompromising political players.

Watching from the stands was Sinn Féin vice-president Michelle O’Neill, on her second stop-off at Leinster House in her whirlwind publicity tour of Britain and Ireland with party president McDonald. They’ve had a great few days.

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Ceann Comhairle Seán Ó Fearghaíl welcomed the Northern Assembly’s first minister designate and her fellow MLAs to the chamber. He hoped she would see “the work of the Assembly that you have been elected to begin as soon as humanly possible. Good luck with your endeavours.”

As Michelle is Mary Lou’s second-in-command overall and Pearse is her second-in-command in Dáil Éireann, did this make him deputy deputy deputy Doherty for the day? With the political in-laws down for the day from Stormont, the Donegal TD was under pressure to make an impression.

Their party leader stayed off the field because she only steps up when the Taoiseach is in town, and Micheál Martin is away in Davos this week.

The Minister for Housing was taking questions instead, and there is no way Mary Lou was going to lower herself by dealing with Darragh O’Brien. He’s, like, Micheál’s staff.

Her deputy deputy, deputy Doherty, got stuck in.

Pearse roared at Darragh and Darragh sneered at Pearse, who thinks the Minister in charge of building houses is a waste of space – never a good look in that line of work. He threw all the favourites into his opening attack on the Government’s new plan to deliver more owner-occupied apartments.

“Bonkers scheme… Madcap scheme… Absolutely off-the-wall stuff... Failing spectacularly,” he bellowed. “Seriously, Minister, the question has to be asked, what sort of planet are you living on?”

Pearse was piling it on for the Sinn Féin VIPs in the Distinguished Visitors’ Gallery, with Mary Lou (would ya look at him there now, Michelle. Isn’t he only fantastic!) beaming next to him.

The visiting MLAs will have enjoyed the spectacle more than his regular “been there, heard that, burst the eardrum” Dáil audience.

Then Darragh barrelled in.

His Government’s housing plan is working. Billions worth of investment in the pipeline at €1.2 billion a year more than Sinn Féin proposed in its 16-page policy document, “eight pages of which are pictures, and pictures of cups of coffee and your spokesperson on housing”. That would be Eoin Ó Broin, but the Minister can’t say his name of his nemesis without breaking out in terrible hives, so he rarely does.

Sinn Féin’s response to every issue is the same, he told deputy deputy Doherty. “Oppose, oppose, oppose.” And then, “Object, object, object. Delay, delay, delay.” Even Mary Lou McDonald “has become a serial objector to developments”.

“Enough of your spoofing!” bridled Pearse. The Government’s housing development policy “is straight out of the playbook of Fianna Fáil, right back to the Galway tent!”

Anytime anybody from Sinn Féin says the words “Galway tent” in the Dáil, they win a prize from headquarters.

Pearse had something else up his sleeve to impress the Stormont contingent. He waved a document in the air. A secret, confidential document on the apartment purchase initiative which the Government didn’t want the public to see because its contents are too hot to handle. It says, he revealed, that ordinary people won’t be able to afford these apartments but the builders will make a mint from government subsidies.

It most certainly does not, insisted the Minister. In his new targeted measures “the support goes directly to the homeowner”.

“Not true! This is not true. You’re misleading the Dáil,” cried Mary Lou’s super-sub, who was beside himself (and Herself). And how did he know that?

“I have the document!” That’s how.

“Pearse, try to calm down a little bit,” dripped Darragh, in a tone successfully designed to infuriate.

He produced his copy of the document, which he waved in the air. Nothing secret about it, the entire contents were published online.

“Your housing spokesman didn’t even know that last week when he asked me where the document was.”

Pearse and his colleagues kept up the pressure. Does the cheque for building the apartments go to the homeowner or the developer?

“Don’t shout me down. I won’t be bullied by you,” he shouted hack, as the barracking continued.

Sinn Féin is opposed to build to rent schemes and is now opposed to build-to-buy, he repeated as Doherty hit high doh.

“Stop shouting. Calm down, Pearse. Please, would you? Just calm down a bit.”

As soon as stand-in Leaders’ Questions finished (Duncan Smith deputised for Labour leader Ivana Bacik who is out with Covid) the Sinn Féin VIPs from Stormont joined their colleagues from Leinster House for lunch in the canteen and a 32-county photo opportunity on the plinth.

But the housing controversy continued, thanks to Senator Timmy Dooley’s mobile clinic. It’s big and it’s green and it has giant pictures of the former Fianna Fáil TD for Clare emblazoned all over it.

He tweeted a photo of his Timmymobile with the caption, “Accommodation available in the car park of Leinster House from next week – for those members unable to find a hotel – keen rates – bring your own candle!” This was a cut at some of his colleagues who say it is near-impossible for TDs and Senators to find a place to stay in Dublin on sitting days which doesn’t cost an absolute fortune. One member of the Upper House confessed to sleeping in his car on occasions.

Timmy’s joke went down like a lead balloon with the perennially po-faced on social media. Reporters cornered the first available Minister for a comment, which is how the Minister for Further and Higher Education found himself answering questions on Timmy Dooley’s caravan at his launch of key policy reforms for the sector.

Is it helpful for Government Senators to make fun of this situation when Ireland is in the middle of a housing crisis?

“No. Sorry, but I don’t,” said Simon Harris. “I haven’t seen the tweet nor am I getting involved in the tweet but I think… like, I’m not interested in talking about Timmy Dooley’s caravan. I’m thinking about how we’re going to start building houses and how we’re going to build on the excellent work of Darragh O’Brien...”

It was probably just “a moment of levity” but the housing shortage is obviously a very serious and acute issue.

“I’ll be in Clare on Monday and I look forward to seeing Senator Dooley,” said Simon.

Oh. Will you be telling him to delete the tweet?

“It’s certainly not for me to police Senator Dooley.”