“We were never worried, were we?” In fairness, Joe Molloy put the question to his Virgin Media panel with his tongue planted solidly in his cheek, Rob Kearney, Shane Horgan and Matt Williams all having looked mildly ashen-faced at half-time.
It wasn’t, after all, until near enough the hour mark, when Sam Prendergast converted that penalty, that Ireland led for the first time, so much as the lads had predicted, this was no stroll in the park. And these tussles have rarely been anything of the sort.
Both Virgin and ITV opened their coverage with a large dollop of reminiscing about bygone Ireland v England battles, ITV calling up Willie John McBride to run his eye over some of the standout moments.
Are Ireland Six Nations favourites?
And he wiggled the brows above said eyes at the sight of Brian O’Driscoll scoring a drop goal in the 2009 win over England, a wiggling that deeply offended BOD who pointed out that he’d scored an entire five of them in his 133 caps, so they weren’t quite as rare as hens’ teeth.
Who should ITV have added to their panel, alongside regulars BOD, Jonny Wilkinson and Rory Best, only Eddie Jones?
Judging by antisocial media, this was a somewhat provocative selection, most English complainants vowing to mute ITV so they wouldn’t have to hear the thoughts of their one-time gaffer. You sensed there was no love lost.
[ Ireland survive early sting and fire back with venom to take down EnglandOpens in new window ]
But Eddie was disappointingly well behaved, even when Mark Pougatch prodded him for a reaction to Danny Care’s allegation that his reign as England supremo was akin to a “dictatorship” and a “dystopian novel”.
“Whenever you tap a player on the back,” Eddie grinned, “and for that period of time you finish their Test career, they never have fond memories.” Mark opted not to prod further, so that was that. “How does it feel to be on this side of the fence,” is all he asked. “Cold, mate,” said Eddie.
Back on Virgin, the panel was hopeful-ish, Matt planting the bulk of his optimism on England’s rearguard frailties. “They’ve had more defensive coaches than England have had prime ministers,” he said, Theresa May, Boris Johnson, Liz Truss, Rishi Sunak and Keir Starmer all nodding back home. “Tough game, great game, exciting game, dramatic but close.” Ireland? Ish.
As for the atmosphere, the IRFU having jazzed it all up, asking ticket holders to take their seats two hours before the game to enjoy the entertainment ... “is it a bit flat here,” asked Joe. The panel put him back in his box, insisting that once Ireland warmed the cockles of the crowd’s hearts, the place would be rocking.
That didn’t happen much in that first half, alas, apart from when James Lowe’s twinkle toes set up that try for Jamison Gibson-Park. “It looks like the momentum shift is going towards Ireland,” said Andrew Trimble, at which point England made it 10-5 with a penalty. By then, Andrew wanted Ireland to be “front door oriented”, like we know what that meant.
Both panels were largely unimpressed with Ireland’s first half efforts. “There’s something not quite exactly where it needs to be,” said Rory, diplomatically, Eddie saluting England for “manning up”. But it got livelier from the off in the second half, it even featuring a shemozzle, Lowe’s gift for grinning while he shemozzles a work of art. “There’s a bang of the old school about it,” said David McIntyre, and that there was.
And then? Ireland slayed the Sassenach with a flurry of tries, and if Lowe was a soccer baller his Fantasy assists’ score would have been off the charts. The only thing more entertaining was the stadium DJ playing Dirty Old Town, Linger and assorted tunes while there was a break in play while poleaxed players were tended to. Dystopian, like.
“Who needs Andy Farrell any way,” Joe asked Simon Easterby when he joined the panel for a post-match chat, Andy up in the stands and smiling bravely through the ceaseless requests for selfies.
The drive for three, which has no ring about it at all, endures, this Irish team, even if they have the most offensive sporting haircuts since Chris Waddle’s prime, continuing to intrigue.
“We’re pretty stoked,” said man of the match Jamison Gibson-Park to ITV’s Topsy Ojo. No more than ourselves. Slaying the Sassenach is never not pleasurable. Now for Scotland, Wales, France (gulp) and Italy.
