All in the Game: Wolves fans dust off a quite wonderful Nathan Collins ditty

The season might have been a struggle so far for Wolves, prompting chairman Jeff Shi to fire manager Bruno Lage after just eight league games, but the one thing that’s cheering up the faithful is the form of our own Nathan Collins who joined the club from Burnley during the summer.

So impressed have they been by the fellah, they’ve come up with a mighty fine tune for him. To the air of ‘My old man’s a dustman’, altogether now:

“Bruno said to Jeff Shi,

I need a number four,

So Jeff Shi got the credit card,

and headed to Turf Moor.

He didn’t want Tarkowski,

He didn’t want Ben Mee,

He said he wants the Irish lad,

who plays like Maldini.”

Outstanding.

Callum Wilson looks for silver lining as golden hopes disappear

Newcastle United striker Callum Wilson made a perfectly reasonable suggestion last week when discussing a certain Manchester City man’s net-busting start to the season. “The Golden Boot is out of the picture, that’s gone. Erling Haaland needs his own boot and then we need another boot, a Silver Boot, something to make it fair.”

Alternatively, he could sign the petition that is currently starring on Change.org. “Petition to get Erling Haaland banned from Association Football because it’s just not fair.” As one respondent put it, “he just doesn’t seem to care how many people he hurts”. True.

Pep gives Gündogan food for thought after wife’s comments

Considering Pep Guardiola part-owns a high-class restaurant in Manchester, Sara Arfaoui’s comments last week about the city’s food offerings were a touch unfortunate.

Asked to name her favourite Manchester restaurant, she said: “Sorry, I’m sad to be honest, but nothing. I tried so bad to find a good restaurant but horrible food everywhere. Can’t find a real Italian or good sushi or just fresh food ... everywhere frozen. Maybe in London but in Manchester, nothing. I’m sorry.”

When told of the comments, Guardiola declared that “Gundo is not going to play one more minute for the rest of the season”, Gundo being Ilkay Gündogan, Arfaoui’s other half.

Everyone chuckled. (Saturday? Gundogan was an unused sub).

Quote of the Week

“I could literally be her mom – and, like, not her teen mom.”

– Megan Rapinoe feeling her age (37) after being replaced by Alyssa Thompson (17) in the friendly against England on Friday.

Number of the Week: 8.0

Kick-off time next Tuesday in Glasgow for the Republic of Ireland’s World Cup qualifying play-off. The nation’s tummies? Churning.

Word of Mouth

“I’ve never witnessed anything like it in my life. I was just laughing. I was just like, ‘how?’ Their keeper said ‘he’s not human!’ I was like, ‘Bro, I know, you’re telling me?’”

– Jack Grealish after Erling Haaland took his season’s tally to 953ish with a double against Copenhagen in the Champions League.

“Doherty last season played every game. And now, I am not seeing him in the right way to start the game. I am not stupid. I don’t want to lose.”

– Antonio Conte being a bit mean about our Matt ... before picking him to replace the suspended Emerson Royal for Spurs’ 1-0 win away to Brighton. Mind games, that.

“The truth is that, honestly, in the team talks he speaks and I don’t understand anything. I ask my team-mates to tell me what he said.”

– Darwin Núñez giving a possible explanation for why he’s had a slow start to his Liverpool career – he doesn’t understand a word Jürgen Klopp says.

“Sometimes during this season I have felt embarrassed to watch Alexander-Arnold ... I think he is very good with the ball, but he’s one of the worst without it.”

– As if poor auld Trent hasn’t had enough dog’s abuse, Emmanuel Petit weighs in.

“It is much more important that we become unpredictable again and we need different systems for that ... is it 4-4-2, is it 4-3-3 or is it 4-5-1, 4-4-2 or 4-2-3-1?”

– Jürgen Klopp, crunching the numbers.