Back from the brink: Sinead Farrelly returns from seven-year exile

Her first touch never deserted her. Sinead Farrelly could always play. A natural.

After seven years away from the game, her touch patiently waited for her return. Even after all those seasons coached by Paul Riley. Even after saying she was coerced into sleeping with the disgraced coach. Riley denies all allegations of sexual misconduct and mistreatment of players. In January he was banned from coaching in America’s National Woman’s Soccer League for life.

Farrelly remains a natural. Even after the car crash. Even after 4½ years of severe concussion and traumatic stress.

The healing process began with Meg Linehan’s brilliant piece of journalism for the Athletic in 2021, when Farrelly and Mana Shim broke their silence, revealing their deepest, darkest secrets in an article that prompted a reckoning for US soccer as their stories revealed a decade of systematic abuse in the sport.

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But the loss of Farrelly’s prime years seemed a lasting tragedy. Time and mental scarring appeared to have destroyed a career of unlimited promise. Nobody returns to professional sport after seven years away.

Daughter to a Cavan man, Sean Farrelly, but raised in the suburbs of Philadelphia, the chance to be capped by the US disappeared when she turned down a place in the 2011 World Cup squad. She was 21. Riley, she said, accused her of disloyalty to their club side Independence. Again, Riley denies any wrongdoing, but Farrelly says he told her she only deserved to be on the national team if he was the coach. She stands over accusations of manipulation and sexual coercion.

“I felt claimed,” she told Linehan.

In 2014, during a regular season game between Portland Thorns and Chicago Red Stars, Farrelly collapsed on the pitch. It was the third successive club where Riley was her head coach.

“I couldn’t function under him,” she told the Athletic.

F Scott Fitzgerald wrote “there are no second acts in American lives” but this is an Irish story now. It is Thursday morning on the UCD campus and across the lake in O’Reilly Hall, Republic of Ireland manager Vera Pauw is giving out 23 hugs and 23 jerseys to the World Cup squad.

Farrelly has just arrived at camp from Harrison, New Jersey, where her new club NJ/NY Gotham beat Chicago Red Stars 2-1 last Sunday. By coincidence, her sister is moving to Dublin so the entire family and a gang of Irish cousins will see her play for the first time against France next Thursday in Tallaght. Her second cap, her home debut.

A black cast covers her right hand and wrist. “Broke my hand. But it is just a hand. I don’t need it for soccer.”

Until signing for Gotham in April, did you play any football since 2014?

“Probably like 10 times. I just couldn’t. I was in a car accident back in 2015 so I had to take a lot of time away. Here and there I would touch a ball but every time it was painful. At that point, I thought I had to give up soccer and I could never go back.”

The car accident, what happened?

“Concussion and whiplash. They know so much more now about concussion than they did back then, but I couldn’t do cardio or anything. So I lost all my muscle really fast. I ended up having a lot of health issues at the time too. I couldn’t go out in the daytime.”

How long did it take to recover?

“I didn’t feel like myself for 4½ years. I had really bad brain fog. I was like a shell of myself. I didn’t think I would ever feel normal again. Every day I thank God that I feel like myself now. It is crazy. There was one season where my friend got me to jump into an over-45s men’s league, but every time I played I would feel really bad. I was getting headaches all the time.

“This is how I see my life playing out: I couldn’t deal with my concussion symptoms until I was forced to tell my story about what happened to me [with Riley].

“I was never going to be able to play soccer until I got that heavy burden off of me. Actually, I am so grateful for my concussion because it gave me the opportunity to step away from the game, I was forced to be with myself for so long that I couldn’t avoid it anymore. I couldn’t pretend it didn’t happen.

“I just believe in divine timing. Once that story was out and I could start my healing process then I felt like I could play soccer again.”

What did the neurosurgeon say?

“I did treatment for a year in Portland, Oregon at a great concussion clinic out in OHSU [Oregon Health & Science University] but that is super expensive. I basically thought that I just had to live with it. I had so many problems with my mental health that I had to give up playing soccer just to move on with my life.”

When did you decide to return?

“Last year, almost to the day, the beginning of July. I said: ‘I am going to give myself six months, until the end of the year, just to see how far I can go to get soccer back in my life.’”

She began training with a conditioning coach from MLS side Philadelphia Union. It took three months to start playing pick-up games. Five a side.

“My touch was always there. That was something I’ve had since I was a kid. It was more so just the speed of play and my fitness. Obviously it needed work, but whenever I touched a ball I’d feel exactly the same. I think I can do this.”

Pauw was on the case immediately. Farrelly’s University of Virginia coach Steve Swanson made the introduction.

“She was just really supportive, monitoring my load and not pushing it, and also knowing that if it worked out there was an opportunity where she could bring me in and meet the girls and train and see how I’d fit in. I wish it happened earlier, but the timing wasn’t right until last April, when I went in.”

After one session with Ireland, Denise O’Sullivan described the 33-year-old as the best technical player in the group.

“Ireland has been such a big part of my family. My Dad is from Virginia in Cavan. He still has the accent. My friends are like, ‘I don’t understand what your dad is saying.’ He’s a man of few words anyway.”

When did he move over?

“When he was younger. He is one of six and he is the only one who lives in America. After I was born we moved back to Ireland and they were going to try and make it work but we went back to America just before I started kindergarten. We lived in Shankill. We were just back in August, our whole family, but the house is not there anymore.

“My family have witnessed me at very low lows and go through a lot of stuff so I think they are just more happy that I feel more fulfilled in my life. It is probably cool for my Dad to see me in the Ireland jersey.”

Gotham used to be called Sky Blue but the club rebranded in 2021, following a difficult period that included Derry native Christy Holly’s time as head coach.

“They have been through a lot. They are really prioritising the player experience this year. I have had an amazing time, I can’t imagine coming back with a different club. I have a bunch of teammates I have known forever and they have been really supportive of me coming back.”

Gotham signed Shim last week. An unexpected reunion for the whistleblowers who shared their stories with millions of Americans on CBS Mornings.

“My first game [for Gotham], I played like 20 minutes. I don’t know, I just blacked out. I was just like ‘pretend you are confident, pretend you know what you are doing.’ I was on a high after the game I do remember that. It was just really good to get it out of the way and it was like okay, I can hang, I can do this.”

Seven days later she made a calm, natural debut for Ireland in the 2-0 loss to the US. “I was freaking out when Vera said ‘can you can stay for the game?’ I knew I wasn’t going to play 90 minutes because I couldn’t yet, but I didn’t know I was going to start.

“I was super anxious, but once the whistle blows, you have to deal with it. I did fine, it wasn’t like the best but I was just happy I didn’t mess up that much. Part of my personality acts like I am cool and chill all the time. Inside I am not.”

But you played well?

“I felt like I held my own. To play against some of the best players in the world and pass around them. I dribbled one time. I don’t know! It was good for my confidence.”

Considering what has happened to you in the past, this must seem easy?

“I am trying to have that perspective. Getting soccer back made me realise that soccer is not everything. I have more to offer than soccer. I feel so privileged to play, and I am so grateful but it is just a game.

“There is a lot of weight on it but I play best when I just enjoy it. Compared to other stuff I’ve been through this should be fun. I am trying to approach it that way. Easier said than done.”

On July 20th, 82,500 people will cram into Stadium Australia for the opening World Cup game, how will you embrace the moment?

“There will always be fear and anxiety for me. I want our team to do well. I know this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and it should be fun. I want to be in that space where I trust myself instinctively, so I can perform and play how I want to play.

“Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. I am here for the ride.”

Farrelly has an unmissable tattoo on her inner arm: One day, you will learn how to give and receive love like an open window and it will feel like summer every day.

“It is kind of just like, I don’t know, freedom. I am a very guarded person and so I want to be more open and vulnerable. Receive. I feel like Irish people have a hard time with that, if I am thinking about my Dad.”

Is Sean going to Australia?

“No, my family is not. They will be at the game against France. It is all last minute.”

So Thursday is a monumental occasion for the Farrelly clan?

“Yeah, I know. I am nervous. No, it’s fine.”