Out of these depths there is hope

When preparing for college, we are cautioned about continuous assessment, and cheap vodka, but are unprepared for the heavy, suffocating feeling of loneliness.

Hyper-aware that we're supposed to be in the midst of the "best days of our lives!", trying desperately not to be labelled a millennial snowflake, loneliness seems benign in comparison to "real" problems.

And yet it is a debilitating diagnosis, especially around this time of year, with Christmas and New Years; events that we are led to believe are filled with light, joy, and love,  with expectations forced upon us at every turn; every media platform presenting images of happy families, best friends, and loving relationships.

It is also the time of year where tradition and reality are forced together; new truths becoming glaringly prevalent.

The absence of particular family members impossible to ignore, the history of Christmases past impossible to forget, this time of year can cause more pain than pleasure for some students. Despite its hopeful promises,  December and January can be a time of deep loneliness.

Everywhere you look people seem blissfully happy; couples holding hands stroll down Grafton St. admiring the twinkling lights, picture-perfect families look in windows anticipating Santa’s arrival, people you know from college are on nights out.

What's wrong with you that your life doesn't like that? The expectation of Christmas demands that we are having the most wonderful time. It's a time for family, or so the ads tell us. But what if you slip through the cracks?

What if spending time with family does not equate to happiness? If Christmas deviates from the jolly expectation loneliness can creep in, as though you are being excluded  from the festive season the rest of the world is implicit in.

While there are families at airports celebrating homecomings, there are also families who are experiencing Christmas’ without loved ones, perhaps as a result of marital breakdowns, or the first December after a funeral.

Although the expectation of Christmas as a time for celebration is universally shared, it is a privilege that is offered to few.

An unprecedented fuel to the loneliness fire: mental health, or more accurately mental illness. It can arise in a number of ways, with the gradual arrival of long nights and bitterly cold days triggering seasonal affective disorder, a type of depression that's related to the change in seasons.

This time of year anxiety can manifest to an assiduous questioning of worth as though over indulgence, lack of regular exercise, not doing enough academic work is an indicator of your value.  A cacophony of anxious thoughts can separate you from people.

Trapped in a cage of your own making, it is easy to become convinced that the reason things are difficult is as a direct result of your inadequacies. Loneliness can emanate from the inside out, and sometimes you become your own worst enemy, despite knowing better.

If loneliness is a diagnosis, then surely people are the solution? But as  every experienced introvert knows, the feeling of loneliness doesn't limit itself to times where you are physically alone. In the run-up to Christmas, and then after there are more nights out than one would like.

And loneliness is an ubiquitous accompaniment, where you try to drown it with alcohol, wondering whether being out is desperation at chasing loneliness away , or being brave, emerging from your comfort zone and trying new things.

Either way you end up finding yourself clutching (another) drink, pondering why you ventured out without any real friends. Talking to strangers is better than stilted awkwardness with people you’ve known for years. Nights out also invite a loneliness in the form of Dutch courage.

Acquaintances seeing you as tonight’s conquest. What was a nice chat for you was groundwork for them. What good are friends if you can’t get with them?

Being seen as fair game, a challenge who has the potential to go from being a sober pal to a drunk conquest can leave you feeling totally alone in a crowded nightclub.

Although it would be incorrect to suggest that loneliness has pervaded the whole term, there is something about its presence that makes it feel heavier, that it sinks deeper than the moments of light.

But out of these depths there is hope to be salvaged; there are friends who illuminate the darkness, there are text messages checking in on you, there are siblings who listen, there are people who make you laugh.

But on the days when it feels like there is no one else around, there are people to call, you are never alone, with various colleges offering Niteline (niteline.ie), and then, the ever reliable Samaritans, as assistants, helping you to alleviate the heavy burden.

When friends, family, or the state of the world disappoint you, there are people waiting for your call, with the sole intent of listening to you, of being what you need at that moment, whether that be a friend, a mental health service, or a confidant.

When the world feels large, infinite, and you feel small and as though you don’t fit in it, it is comforting to know that in the heart of college, someone else is awake and ready to listen.

* Niteline is a support and information service run by and for the students of ITT, ITB, MU, NCAD, NCI, RCSI & TCD and their affiliate colleges. Call at 1800 793 793 or chat at niteline.ie every night of term from 9pm-2.30am.

* The Samaritans can be contacted (freephone helpline) on 116 123. Samaritans volunteers provide confidential support, befriending and listening to those in personal crisis, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.