‘Are you aware that your children are Protestants now?’
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: At a borbecue in Christian’s gaff the cat is thrown out of the bag ... and now I’m in deep merde
How do you become a Protestant? ‘You have to drink the blood of a Sussex chicken on Dalkey Island under a gibbous moon’
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: The vicar-slash-reverend-slash-whatever is joking about that – but not about the baptism part
Honor has picked a theme for her year as Mount Anville head girl: ‘Vengeance’
My daughter has failed to turn up for community service. ‘Hennessy can’t get you out of every legal scrape,’ I say, an out-and-out lie
‘Protestants are not that much different from us. I mean, they’re definitely less craic, but they get sh*t done’
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: I’m reading the epistle from St Paul to – randomly – the Ephesians, when Christian tells me his ex wants to get back together
‘What’s on offer,’ she goes, smiling, ‘is eternal life,’ and I do believe she’s flirting
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: The boss woman in the Protestant church sees through me and presents her test to scare off timewasters
‘Ross, it’s not just a case of filling out a form and – hey, presto – you’re a Protestant’
If getting Brian, Johnny and Leo into a new school means changing my religion and getting up on Sunday mornings, then I’ll do it
Honor goes, ‘I was into Taylor Swift before, like, anyone?’
I assumed she was being sorcastic when she asked for tickets as port of her birthday present
Sorcha goes, ‘You had an erotic dream – about my mom?’
We can’t help what we dream about. I’m on the record as saying her old dear has a face like a roofer’s knee
Sorcha refuses to meet my eye. And I don’t blame her – setting up her own daughter like this
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Whiff of corruption hangs in air as Sorcha hosts ‘end-of-term lunch’ for Mount Anville moms
‘I want it gone, Ross. I want you to get it lasered off’
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Sorcha is furious when she discovers that Ross got a tattoo in homage to Leinster’s European Cup achievements
Honor and Liesel are both smiling and it’s like driving towards a cor with its lights on full beam. I end up having to turn away
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: The results are about to be announced in the election for Head Girl of Mount Anville
‘Goys – it’s time that I got the tattoo’
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: It’s Friday afternoon in London, the day before the European Champions Cup final. We’ve spent the last three hours talking about our favourite memories from our years following Leinster
‘Ross, someone has put up a poster of Honor on Foster Avenue.’ Apporently kompromat is the solution?
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Sorcha claims the campaign for Honor to become Mount Anville Head Girl has been dragged into the gutter - through personal attacks on other candidates and inducements to students to vote for her
‘What if she wins, Ross? I’ve already heard some of the other moms refer to her as the Trump candidate’
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: The election to decide Mount Anville’s next Head Girl is weeks away and Honor is one of the candidates
Can’t a father and son go for a pint without there being some, I don’t know, anterior motive?
Ross O’Carroll-Kelly: Taxi drivers see people like us in our sailing jackets and our sailing shoes, and they drive us all over the place