A JOKE courtesy of Michael Smurfit: A prisoner was being taken to be hanged at Durham jail. It was an appalling day - raining cats and dogs. As the prisoner and the prison officer were getting ready to walk across the courtyard to the gallows, the prisoner made a last attempt to avoid the inevitable.

"Surely you are not going to take me out in this weather," he cried. One step ahead, his warder retorted: "I don't know what you're worried about mate... you won't have to come back through this deluge".