Dear Mr Noah,
It’s probably time we talked. Next month will make it a year since the rain began and there are now fears our misty isle may suffer a fate similar to Atlantis, believed to have disappeared into the ocean to our west. To lose one island may be regarded as a misfortune but to lose two..? Carelessness, certainly.
Okay, the rain may not have been continuous but when it happens it is relentless and disproportionate. For instance, July of last year was the wettest on record, with 215 per cent of the expected rainfall. That was just July.
Since then we have become very familiar with “wettest on record”. Last February was also the wettest on record with average rainfall in Tipperary, for instance, 332 per cent above average. February this year, you will note, had 29 days. In Donegal, Sligo, Mayo and Galway 26 of those were wet.
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Unsurprisingly, February this year was followed by March, and another “wettest on record”. In parts of the south and east, rainfall levels were 200 per cent above average. And April last? The fields of Athenry drowned in 100.7 millimetres of rain, over four times the 23.9 millimetres that fell there in 2021.
Get my drift? It’s time we talked carpentry. A few things you should know. Avoid ash. Our ash trees are dying all over the island. It has even meant that, shockingly, our hurlers – masters of our oldest and greatest native sport – have had to resort to bamboo imported from far-off countries which could hardly be described as strongholds of the game.
And forget about oak. The English stripped the country bare of that noble tree in the late 16th century for ships to hold off the Spanish Armada. But there’s loads of Sitka Spruce and it’s time we were allowed to see lovely Leitrim once more.
Some may disagree.
I have but one request of you in all this. When loading up the Ark this time could you please make sure not to include any Kerry football supporters? No less a person than that great Ventry man Páidi O’Sé described them as “f**king animals”.
We don’t want any of that now after the flood, do we?
Ark from Old English aerca, Latin arca, for large chest or box.
