RUTH Nolan is a month away from 21st birthday. Her thoughts should be full of college, boyfriends, nightclubs and summer months spent abroad. Instead, her life is more like that of a bed ridden octogenarian. Ruth has ME (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis).

Her life has not been normal since she was 15. Day after day, she lies in the bed she is physically unable to leave. She is in constant pain, cannot read, can only watch television for short periods and is always tired.

Yet Ruth, the eldest of a family of five, is incredibly accepting of her condition - she hopes one day to do all the things she has missed out on for the past six years, including a belated 21st birthday party.

One of the few things left to her is the power to use her mind. And one thing she is adamant about is that her illness is not "all in her mind", as alleged by Mr William Holmes this week.

Mr Holmes, a consultant anaesthetist at the Erne Hospital, Eniskillen, Co Fermanagh, claims that ME is all in the mind and that most of his medical colleagues agree but are afraid to say so.

"I can't believe that this attitude still exists. GPs and nurses and medical people on the ground know that ME is not just something in the mind. But consultants are refusing to acknowledge it. It is simply pride on their behalf. They refuse to say they may have been wrong and to look into this further. It is a dangerous and arrogant approach," says Ruth.

At the age of 15, Ruth suffered from a virus. She describes it as being like a very bad flu with symptoms such as fever, headache, blurred vision and an inability to concentrate. Slow to recover, she did more and more exercise which she now realises was the worst thing to do.

She spent much of the summer of 1992 in bed, sleeping until late. When September came and she had to get up early for school, her symptoms worsened to include blurred vision, slurred speech and forgetfulness. Her hearing was also affected. "It was very frightening," she recalls.

In February of her Leaving Cert year, she had to give up school. "Things were so bad I was practically carried out of school in the end."

It was around then that ME was first mentioned. She underwent medical tests. "I was told it would mean two years in bed and I was devastated. But at least I had an idea what it was. Before that I thought I was dying. At least now I had something to cling to, although as it turned out only the lucky people recover after two years.

Following acupuncture, she was able to get out of bed and walk around the house with the aid of a stick. However, she overdid it and for the past 2 1/2 years has not been able to leave her bed.

Some days, Ruth says, she looks great but on others her eyelids are drooped and she cannot even exert the energy to hold her head up. "I'm pretty well drooped now even trying to hold the phone. It will take me a few days to recover from this."

FRIENDS keep in contact but often Ruth is too unwell at the times they are able to visit. Her brothers and sisters often bring their dinner to her bedroom to keep her involved in family life.

"At first I was very angry and thought `Why me?' But I dealt with that. Things could actually be worse. It could be something from which I have no chance of recovery. I don't know how or why but I am dealing with it."

It has been heart breaking, she says, for her parents, Margaret and Jimmy, "not knowing when or if I will recover".

"My sisters often feel guilty when they are getting ready to go out. My little brother, Paul (7), is always asking when I'll be able to go out and play soccer with him again."

She takes hope from speaking to people who have made full and partial recoveries. "I do want a full recovery." And if that happens, one of the first things she wants to do is to learn to fly.

"It hardly needs to be said the cast thing I and others suffering from ME need is to be told this is not a real illness."

She has dealt with two consultants and has been unimpressed with their treatment. "They told me I was trying to duck out of life. I had my whole life ahead of me, shy would I want to lie in bed and pretend I am in pain?

"I saw a psychiatrist and he found nothing wrong with me but that was not good enough for the eurologist. These guys are in a caring profession but I certainly did not feel cared for. I felt humiliated and degraded in hospital. They also treated my parents very badly."

Ruth believes consultants should look at the evidence and concentrate their efforts on finding a cure. "If ME had been diagnosed when I was 15 and if the appropriate steps were taken I might not be lying in this bed now.